type (B)e leaders

the next billy graham might be drunk right now

2012-01-27T12:07:00.000-08:00

I wish I could take credit for this clever title, but it comes from another blog where the writer reminds us to not take for granted the kind of transformation God can do in the heart of someone who is willing to let Him.

I'd also add the next Billy Graham might be a lukewarm Christian...
a hobbyist who is more concerned with their next hunt/run/trophy/collectable....
a hard-hearted pessimiist...
an annoying politician...
a partying neighbor...
a quiet Christ-follower...
an insecure loudmouth...
a absentee spouse or parent...
an atheist who spews venomous words about God...
the list goes on.

Read the original article here: http://www.russellmoore.com/2012/01/02/the-next-billy-graham-might-be-drunk-right-now/

"So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer." (2 Corinthians 5:16)

a potentially honest look at facebook

2012-01-20T11:23:00.000-08:00

An interesting thing about Facebook - we think sharing an update equals being transparent.

Ironically, it couldn't be further from the truth... just watch what happens when someone pushes back on what you've said or what another person wrote - look at how quickly we call constructive thinking as someone being judgmental, say "You don't understand me! So leave me alone!" or accuse them of being "a hater."

I like Facebook for its potential good, but I do think this graphic says something worth noting:

What do you think? Does being a part of an online social network mean you present a side of yourself to the world but hide the rest? After all, isn't that what most of us do in person?

"There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures." (James 1:16, The Message)

do you see what I see? who cares?

2012-01-18T11:10:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine shared online: "Pointing out someone's flaws doesn't make you any more perfect. I know some people who do this."

People do this for many reasons, but I've learned there are two typical motivations:

1) Insecurity. They reason, "If I can push others down, then I come across as more successful/powerful/better as a person." The problem is this is false logic - exposing other people's flaws may take the spotlight off of yours for a moment, but it doesn't make your flaws disappear. Hence, the cycle continues.

2) Good intentions with bad application. They reason, "We should all be in a better place than we are, so I'll make sure others know what I think they need to be doing." The problem is this is more critical than constructive, but because it starts out with good intentions the person doing it may not see how he/she comes across. Hence, the cycle continues.

The only solution is to receive the genuine grace and genuine holiness of Jesus Christ - not one over the other, but both simultaneously. In this way you will experience unconditional love (so you can give it) and unconditional inspiration (so you can grow). Most of the time critics point out things in other people who haven't asked for it, but this approach makes you the kind of person others want to be like because they see Christ being formed in you - not just you whipping around good standards to impose on others.

This distinct difference can even be overlooked by regular church attenders, which is why we come across as hypocritical to the world. Christianity is surrender to Christ... not just trying to support His standards or be like Him. Many who call themselves Christians try to be what they think God wants them to be... BUT not as many (unfortunately) surrender their whole loves to God - they end up holding areas of their lives back from Him. By keeping that inner world from being transformed, they end up focusing on the "outer world" and try to look the part of a Christian while making sure others look the part, too.

There are a lot of people who are religious and can talk some good "Jesus talk" but haven't yet been born again and transformed. Their blind spot and hurdle is that they think they have.

Jesus often criticized the Pharisees for doing this in His culture. We may not have Pharisees around today, but we sure have those who just ask "What would Jesus do?" and do that alone... so they appear moral. But they don't ask, "God, what am I holding back from You, and how might I give that area over to You,. too? What action step do you want me to sacrificially take next?"

We all need accountability in this. Otherwise we try to be our own eye doctor... with blurry eyes.

No wonder so many of us walk around with "moral glasses" that we've self-prescribed - that only makes everything we see and point out blurry... only we think because we have the glasses on our sight is clearer than anyone else.

And then what happened? Well, when Israel tried to be right with God on her own, pursuing her own self-interest, she didn't succeed. The chosen ones of God were those who let God pursue his interest in them, and as a result received his stamp of legitimacy. The "self-interest Israel" became thick-skinned toward God. Moses and Isaiah both commented on this: Fed up with their quarrelsome, self-centered ways, God blurred their eyes and dulled their ears, Shut them in on themselves in a hall of mirrors, and they're there to this day. David was upset about the same thing: I hope they get sick eating self-serving meals, break a leg walking their self-serving ways. I hope they go blind staring in their mirrors, get ulcers from playing at god. (Romans 11:6-8, The Message)

a new year of new living: the landowner

2012-01-06T17:02:00.000-08:00

I wrote this parable more than 15 years ago, and happened to share it this past Sunday. On the heels of my previous two posts, here is something to read and ponder in your own life.

---

The Landowner

A man naively and arrogantly purchased a new house. It was on an expansive piece of useful farmland, which he reasoned was an impressive addition to the great deal he had haggled for on the house. All of this on paper seemed like a great idea... except this man was a businessman and not a farmer.
This new landowner decided to use his free time to work out in the fields. He got up early on the first Saturday morning he had free because he'd heard that’s what farmers do. With a canvas bag of tools over his left shoulder and a “Farming For Dummies” book in his right hand, the man walked out into the farmland like a quarterback about to take the field.

Four hours and four-hundred callouses later, the man determined "that" was enough "of that."

So the great piece of land sat out there, empty and barren. Each day the man would get up to go to work and drive past its expansive emptiness. A nagging guilt set in, for as a businessman he knew it was more than a wasted field - it was a wasted profit.

Perhaps that's why one day he sat down and devised a new plan to put the immense field to productive use. He divided the land into several slots to rent to outsiders needing a place to plant their items. They would pay back to the him, the landowner, a percentage of the profits they made. It seemed like the perfect plan to address the depression of the undeveloped property.

That is, it "seemed" like the perfect plan. The man still didn’t understand the finer aspects of farming, including the aspects that involved large machinery. He inadvertently divided each section of land in such a way that the various farmers had to literally plow over another farmer’s section to get to their own.

No one realized this at first, as they only knew where their boundaries ended and assumed that paths had been laid out for such an issue. Eventually it all came to a head and fights became common. Farmers that had to get to their areas in the middle would trudge over the other farmers’ areas, and those farmers would react by spitefully doing the same to the middle farmers’ land in order to “get even.”

That year yielded very little in terms of crops. The farmers couldn’t get past their own demands, didn’t want to replant the prospective crops, and consequently gained no profit... a hard financial loss felt very much by the landowner... who eventually called the project a failure. With a complete sense of defeat, he reasoned he’d have to find a way to learn to live with the guilt of a failed project that would stare him in the face every day.

That is, until the day when the old farmer came, knocking on his door step.

“Son,” he said, “Looks to me like you have a problem managing your fields.”

“You’re telling me!” said the man. “It’s just not worth my time.”

“What if I promised you that it was?” hinted the old man. “You could make more than an adequate share of profit by following my plan. That land out there that’s wasting away because you don’t know how to handle it... doesn’t have to.”

This sounded rather interesting to the man, as he was indeed tired of seeing things go to waste. But as all “sharp” businessmen must ask, naturally so did he: “What’s the catch?”

“Well, ‘the catch’ is simply this... you turn land ownership over to me, and I will let you live on the property for free, take care of all expenses, and share with you a profit so great that it will revolutionize the way you live.”

The man waited for a laugh that never came to what he presumed had to be a joke. “Are you kidding me?” asked the man. “You actually expect me to give up MY land for some profit that I can’t see? What if I don’t gain anything? I’ll have lost my property over some bad deal! You must be crazy...”

“I’m not finished,” interrupted the old farmer, “You can cancel the deal at any time. But if you do, you gain nothing except the land back. This is the only condition: you gain no profit by canceling... just the land again, to deal with all over on your own.”

Maybe it was the exhaustion of his failure, or maybe there was something genuine about the farmer. For whatever reason, the man found himself surprised that he was even thinking about it. “So let me get this straight... I give you the land, and I get a huge profit on anything you make on it. But if I change my mind at any time, I get back the land and just lose any ‘profit’ you might make?”

The farmer smiled, “Son, it’s not profit ‘I might make’; it’s profit ‘We will make’.”

"You'll put this in writing?"

"I sure will. But you also have my word."

And as the man looked at the old farmer, he knew there was more to this man than age. There was experience, and confidence out of that experience. “You know what,” said the man, “I have no clue how you're going to do it, and maybe that's why I'm even considering this. With your escape clause, I see no way that I can lose. Besides, you probably know more about farming than I do and can squeeze a few bucks out of this place. Okay... it’s a deal.”

It wasn’t too long before what was a torn and battered field once again became a clean, fertile opportunity for growth. The businessman kept an eye out, and would watch how every day the farmer would come and invest his time tending the fields. At first the business man was skeptical, all the while noting on paper what sorts of changes the farmer was making. Yet the more he looked each day, the more he saw that the field was being shaped into the best it could be, most likely, he assumed, because it was being shaped by the best hands.

When it came time for harvest, the business man anxiously awaited to see what sort of profit he had gained by this investment. And when he did... he was shocked.

“All of it?” he asked. “What do you mean I get to keep all of it?”

The farmer smiled. “I mean that you get to keep all of it, son. All the profits, every harvest... it’s all yours.”

“But that’s incredible! This is more than enough!”

“I know,” shared the farmer. “That was the idea.”

“So what do you get?” asked the man. “Don’t tell me you did all of this for nothing.”

“I’ll tell you something,” said the farmer, “I do gain something. I gain seeing a beautiful piece of property not go to waste. Don’t take this the wrong way, but son... you were destroying this property.”

“No offense taken,” he said.

“Good,” the farmer continued, “because I love farming. I do it well. And after you let me invest myself into developing this land, I was able to take it from a burden to a blessing. There’s nothing like doing what you were created to do because you’re being who you were created to be.”

The business man was amazed. “I have no idea what you mean. I mean, I do... but I've just never known that kind of fulfillment. Just tell me one thing, though... why did you have to take ownership of the land? Couldn’t you just have asked me to hire you? I know I’ve gained so much, but I still don’t get why I had to give up the land.”

The farmer smiled his familiar smile and said, “Son, if I didn’t own the land, the harvest wouldn’t have been even half of what it was.”

Puzzled, the man asked, “Why is that?”

“Son, if I didn’t own it, I couldn’t freely make the adjustments I’d need to in order to shape it up. I’d have to keep checking in with you, asking you if it was okay to make decisions you know nothing about. You’d keep poking your head in, and son... we both know you’re not a farmer.”

“Alright, alright,” said the man. “Just tell me how I can pay you back. You’ve given me way too much for me to just sit around and not do anything for you.”

And with that question, the farmer knew his work had not been wasted. For it was not a field that he had been tending to, but a man’s heart. Every day that he labored out in the fields to produce a profit he would not claim was another day spent ripening the soil of this man’s soul. And the harvest of this kind of crop, a willing heart, would yield more than anything he could produce out in the field.

So with a tender spirit, the old farmer answered the man’s question. “Son, I’m a farmer. I help get peoples’ fields in order. You’re a business man... you help get peoples’ business in order. You have skills and gifts the Lord gave you that others need, just as I had the skills and gifts that you needed. Son, now that your fields are straightened out, you go love your neighbor and help him with what you do best.”

The farmer smiled, turned and walked out of the house whistling a familiar tune.

The man... well, you know what he did.

Because it's what you would do.

a new year of new living: juggling work, home and everything else

2012-01-03T08:13:00.000-08:00

How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: An expert to change the light bulb, and a beginner to ask, "Yeah, but can you change *two* light bulbs?"

Everyone juggles, even if poorly.

A ball enters one hand, is traded off to another, and is tossed into the air in the hope it’ll be caught again.

This isn't a circus act... this is how you spend your time.

Every day you toss one thing up in the air hoping to gain something else. Perhaps it’s legitimate, such as sacrificing your hobby to gain time at home. Maybe it’s illegitimate, such as a student who cheats for a higher grade, a businessman who lies to make a sale, or a taxpayer who fudges on their taxes for their yearly return.

People try to ignore these differences in integrity by reasoning they’re juggling whatever they can to “survive.” Who wants to think that when their motives are pure that their methods might be impure?

So you juggle. You invest in some relationships and ignore others. Somehow the lines blur between telling people what they want to hear versus genuinely conversing. Every responsibility and opportunity competes for your attention, but to give each the time it demands or deserves requires more than you have.

You eventually find out which balls are made of rubber and which ones are made of glass. At times you feel the satisfaction of having made the right choice of what to toss and what to hold, and other times you deal with a cycle of guilt, anger, jealously, and rejection from trying to do more than you can. Some of the people around you feel fulfilled, and others feel so rejected that even the strongest of bonds and loyalties erode.

In his book "Choosing To Cheat," author Andy Stanley clarifies this issue:

Your problem is not discipline or organization.
Your problem is not that you have yet to stumble onto the perfect schedule.
Your problem is not that the folks at home demand too much of your time.
The problem is there is not enough time to get everything done that you are convinced—or others have convinced you needs to get done.

Someone or something is not going to get what they want or need from you. If you stayed at home all day, you’d lose the job that provides for it; if you worked at the office until everyone was pleased, you'd have no time to ensure there was Life in your life; if you answered every call and text, you’d never have stillness in your life. The list is endless and so are the time requirements.

Your knee-jerk reaction is likely to drop all the other balls to save one:

The ball that strokes our sense of self-worth, be it a job or hobby that we excel at.
The ball that slides into our hand most easily because it relaxes us, be it partying on the weekends or sleeping in for more “me time.”
The ball that squeaks the loudest, be it a boss who threatens to fire us or a loved one who threatens to leave us.

All of this tracks back to Genesis 3 when in our attempt to be our own god we created the consequences of difficult work and relationships. Every job requires more sweat than it should, and even the most intimate of marriages will struggle over matters of desire.

So what's the solution? I have bad news and good news.

The bad news: There’s no permanent solution on this side of heaven. As you toss one or more balls in the air to grab another, you’ll have to assure whatever you’ve released that being hands-off for a moment doesn't equal being completely abandoned... and only your life (not your words) can affirm that.
The good news: You can align your pace of juggling with the priorities of your season. Life is made up of chapters, and each demands a shift to focus on your heart, soul, mind, body, or relationships more than another. A doctor may tell you that this season of your life needs to shift dramatically to increase your physical health, or a spouse may explain that he/she needs you at home more. Again, if you communicate to the other priorities what is temporarily required of you in another, most will understand.

Colossians 3:17 states: "Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." I like the visual of concentric circles to apply this:

God: Am I merely religious, or am I truly surrendered? Do I let God readjust what I'm doing emotionally, intellectually, physically, and relationally so everything has integrity?
God and my wife: Does the amazing person who knows me best get my best? Are we investing into each other? If we’re in a busy season, how can we not let that define our relationship? Am I doing life with her or near her?
God, my wife, and my kids: Do my kids know that my wife comes before them so I give them the gift of a healthy home? Do they likewise feel invested into? When they speak to me, do they see my eyes or the side of my head as I do other things?
God, my wife, my kids, and my job: Can I do my job guilt-free because I've spent quality time at home first? Do the people I serve through my job get a consistent, quality burst from me?
God, my wife, my kids, my job and everything else: Have I built margin in my life to be available for spontaneous needs and curveballs?

The core priorities in your life are where you are the least expendable - your own life and home, for example. Only you can be you to the people in your life who call you spouse or parent. The latter priorities are where you are most expendable, such as a job that you could change any day.

You'll have to toss different balls in the air during different chapters of life. Just make sure you don't throw someone up so high that they feel abandoned or sent on a trajectory where they won't return to you. You may have to let some "urgent" things drop to ensure the truly important things don't. You can always get another job, but you can’t always get another family. Release and delegate, letting God (and not the squeakiest ball) guide it all.

a new year of new living: yes, no and maybe so - foundational priorities

2012-01-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

On the first day of 2012, I spent some time with some of the greatest people I know and we kicked off 2012 together with a focus on one of the tougher questions - what do we say "Yes or No" to in our lives? The answer from the Bible is simple - don't put God first.

Yes, you read that right. To clarify - don't JUST put Him "first."

Often we put the Lord in the "top spot" of our lives, but we don't let Him into the "other spots" of our lives. Jesus said the most important commandment is to love the Lord with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength and to love your neighbor as yourself.

That means God isn't supposed to just sit at the top of our lives like a cherry, but is the spoon by which we eat the whole sundae of life.

If you aren't sure of the difference, here are a few thoughts:

Making money: "Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops." (Proverbs 3:9)

God is your cherry: "Look at this money I made! What do I feel comfortable doing with it?"
God is your spoon: "Look at the money God blessed me with! Lord, how do you want me to use it, even if it's uncomfortable?"

Chores: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3)

God is your cherry: "I’m SO sick of doing all this work for everyone else. When will someone serve me? My life is so exhausting. God, give me a break!"
God is your spoon: "God, these chores are difficult. I don't want it to get to me, so thanks for giving me these responsibilities and the people who are blessed by what I do. Help me have a better perspective. Use my work to help You let others know they're loved."

Study/school: "The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge;the ears of the wise seek it out." (Proverbs 18:15)

God is your cherry: "I’ll never use this information in life. It’s worthless to spend any real time on it, so I'll do the bare minimum and that's all. God, get me through this."
God is your spoon: "I have no clue why any of this matters, but... I'll give it my best. Who knows - maybe what seems purposeless to me can be used down the road for something purposeful. Lord, I’ll honor You in this."

Family time: "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)

God is your cherry: "My family time is our time. We’ll watch what we want to watch, go where we want to go, and do what we want to do. Besides, it's a losing battle to try anything different. Everyone needs time to do whatever they want to do without feeling judged or guilty."
God is your spoon: "I'm going to make sure our family doesn’t turn inward, even if I'm the only one in the home who feels this way. I will lead my household to enjoy and seek God in our time leisure time."

Health/Beauty: "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

God is your cherry: "My body is my body. It doesn't matter what I put in it or on it. I'm going to show it off - whether it's by how much I can put into it or by how fit I can get."
God is your spoon: "Modesty matters. I don't need to boast or get showy about my health, nor do I need to neglect it. This is the only body I have on this side of heaven. God, how can I honor You with it?"

Friendships: "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." (Proverbs 27:17, Matthew 59)

God is your cherry: "My friends are who they are. I'm not going to make things awkward by challenging them because they'll just get angry and bite my head off... especially if it involves two of my friends who aren't at peace with each other.”
God is your spoon: "What's happening in and to my friends is my concern. I'll be a peacemaker who makes sure people I care about grow and work out anything awkward between them and others."

Fun/hobbies: "Then Jesus said to them, 'The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.'" (Mark 2:27)

God is your cherry: "I'll work hard, and then maybe I’ll rest. Or maybe I'll make life all about rest and not about work. Either way, it's my decision - and nobody better criticize for me for how I spend time and money on my favorite hobbies, sport/team or how I decorate."
God is your spoon: "God, thanks for loving me and commanding me to take a day every week for Sabbath. I don't want to just rest - I want to be restored to You. So I'm kneeling my life to you on that day and every day, including how I use the hobbies that bring me life. Help me to find fun things that don't distract me from You or others, but build those relationships."

Faith: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:33)

God is your cherry: "God, bless me."
God is your spoon: "God, how can I bless You?"

Of course, we're not perfect in how these tensions play out. The question is if we’ll use that as an excuse or as grace to make things right.

Keeping God more than “first” but “first in everything” opens up a new kind of freedom, for we better know what to say yes and no to beyond our moods. You will begin to do more than what you feel like doing, including the things that need to happen.

Take a look again at the list above - which ones are you most able to take a step of growth in today by surrendering to him in the areas you've been holding back?

"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength... Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:30-31)

defining a relationship we'd rather not define

2011-12-30T10:48:00.000-08:00

It's common to struggle with commitment and definition of where things are at in any relationship. But how about this one:

Andy and Grace met through a mutual friend. From day one they seemed to be the perfect match. Grace was everything Andy had always wanted. She was beautiful, outgoing, and caring—always there when Andy needed her.

For the first five months they were inseparable. Andy could hardly think of anything but Grace. He didn’t need to look further, he told friends, ‘She’s the one’.

Now almost three years have passed. Andy still enjoys the familiarity of being with Grace, but the spark is gone. Grace’s flaws seem more obvious. He’s not sure he finds her as attractive as he once did. He’s sure there’s a better option out there.

And he’s beginning to resent all the time she wants to spend with him. One night when she asks if they can define the nature of their relationship, Andy blows up. ‘We’re together, aren’t we?’ he asks angrily. ‘Why isn’t that enough for you?’

Obviously, Andy isn’t ready for a commitment. And it’s unclear if he ever will let himself be.

---

You need to know something about the couple.

There are millions of Andys walking around today.

And Grace isn’t a girl. Grace is a church.

- From "Stop Dating The Church: Fall In Love With The Family Of God" by Joshua Harris

Did you see that one coming?

More importantly, did it describe you or a trend you see in others?

Many of us have been just like Andy. We've treated the local church like a someone we want to string along, keeping a presence there just enough to maintain the relationship, but never a real investment to see the beauty of what commitment could bring out.

That’s because it’s easier to date than it is to be in a marriage – to spend hours with someone at dinner or doing something special is easy. But to make a “for better or for worse” commitment is hard. That means living with them when you're grumpy, they're sleepy, you're sick, they're worried, you're struggling, and they're disappointed.

"Andy" is a perfectionist with the church - first she was all that, and then she was nothing.

Some of her faults are really hers. Nobody’s perfect, and the better we get to know each other, the more we learn how much that’s true.
Her other faults, however, are more in him than in her. The standards he applies to her he doesn't apply to himself.

Andy just wants to hang on to the relationship for the comfort it gives him, but he’s so independent and critical that he’d never think to commit to her. He’s looking for the best product… but isn’t willing to make an investment.

Is your relationship with your church one you'd rather not define? Or is it one you're "all in" on and putting in the effort to make sure the "family" is the healthiest it could possibly be?

true transparency

2011-12-29T14:43:00.001-08:00

True transparency doesn't need to defend itself - not because we believe we're right, but because we are open to how we might be wrong.

We may believe we're vulnerable because we share vulnerable details about our lives; however, unless you are open to correction such "vulnerability" is only another mask.

Remember this before you complain you're being judged or quickly tell someone, "Don't be a hater." Perhaps what you perceive as a false evaluation is simply something you're too chicken to hear.

(Spoken as one who wrestles with all of this on a daily basis. Let's grow through this together.)

"He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding." (Proverbs 15:22)

relational gift-giving ideas

2011-12-19T12:31:00.000-08:00

If you're struggling to come up with something meaningful for a Christmas gift, I'd like to share with you some ideas that in some way increase the relational capacity you and another person could share over the course of a year. Some of these work best with your "special someone," while others can be applied to family, friends, co-workers, neighbors and more. I originally shared these on my other blog, but thought I'd post them here, too:

104 packets of gourmet hot chocolate with personalized coffee cups: Communicate your desire to catch up together at least once a week.
Two journals: Each person writes in one for a month, jotting down various things seen in the other person during that time. Take note of any steps of growth they're taking, outstanding qualities, potential blind spots, and so on. At the end of the month, get together over lunch and share.
Deck of cards and a book about card games: Use it as an excuse to hang out together.
Collage of special photos: Highlight your favorite memories together.
Bottle of sparkling cider in a picnic basket filled with wrapped deli cheese and fruit: Make plans to have a picnic together in the next week, even if it's inside.
Disposable camera: Devote it for the sole use of capturing future memories together.
Craft supplies: Do something creative together.
Gardening gloves with a plant or flower seeds: Work on a garden together.
Bread or cookie mix: Take turns making each other a round every couple of weeks, or bake together and deliver these treats to friends, family or neighbors.
Gourmet popcorn and movie rental gift certificates: Have a movie night every week for a month.
Famous BBQ sauce with basting brush: Plan a night to grill out and invite new friends into your relational circle.
Pancake or waffle mix with bottle of real maple syrup: Start the day off together with a sweet taste in your mouth.
Movie theater gift certificates: Take turns picking movies to see together - no complaints.
Board games: Pick selections that can draw all ages in your household(s) together.
Identical books: Shop for cheap selections that you can read through together.
Kitchen gadgets: Find recipes that force you to use them and cook for each other.
Two watches: Pray for each other when the alarm goes off.
Colorful Post-It notepads: Give each other permission to leave encouraging notes in unexpected places.
Puzzles: Assemble them together over dessert.
Pizza and football: Give a coupon/gift card for a favorite pizza chain or snack food with an invitation to a Monday Night Football party.
Hobby supplies: Buy an item from a hobby they love (a bat, ice skates, tennis balls, etc) and give the gift with an invitation to GO DO that activity.
Cheap sleds and hot cider packets: Promise to go sledding together anytime there’s more than 3 inches of snow.
Washable window paint: Use it all year to write encouraging or funny messages to people who pass by.
Bowl and notecards: Create a "prayer bowl" where you and your family write down prayer requests and praises you pray over at dinner.
Family journal: Use it so anyone in the household can record and recall blessings.
“Mad Skillz” certificate: Give certificates for something you're good at, such as "Free Oil Change" or "Free Full Meal," it to bless them.
Coupon book: Bind some note-cards full of relationship-appropriate coupons, such as "I will mow the yard" or “I will cook dinner.”
Child care punch-card: Create a punch-card for someone with kids that covers ten free nights of deluxe babysitting. Bring a full spread of activities and age-appropriate games so the kids actually want you to come back.

Got any more?

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, “What are you doing for others?” -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39)

dealing with rejection - pt 2

2011-12-17T04:11:00.000-08:00

If by chance you experience tension and rejection from another person or group, you're in good company.

Jesus knows how you feel.

But again, don't stop there and ignore one of the most often ignored commands from God from Matthew 18 - reconcile and forgive. Failing to do so affects people around you and makes the relationship never really feel healed.

Consider what happened to Christ after He challenged His disciples to accept all of the commands He was teaching... to completely consume Him in every way possible, even if it meant the kind of flesh and blood kind of obedience that meant doing healthy things that felt harder than you could imagine.

On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?”

Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life. Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.”

From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.

“You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.

Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.”

Then Jesus replied, “Have I not chosen you, the Twelve? Yet one of you is a devil!” (He meant Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, who, though one of the Twelve, was later to betray him.)

For all the theology in this verse, there's something emotional happening here we may skip over. How might Jesus have felt when people He cared about - faces He knew, and stories He tracked - said, "I'm not comfortable with You or what You're about. Don't look me up anymore, understand?"

The easiest metaphor for me (perhaps because of what I do) is to imagine this was a church. Perhaps the person might say to Jesus, "Your style of ministry isn't meeting my needs. I think I'm going to go somewhere else where I can be fed like I am comfortable being fed. I'll see you when I see you. Cool?"

That has to hurt. In fact, I know it does.

There are instances in the Bible where people part ways, but it's clear that God ideal is that wouldn't happen. So what happens when you deal with some kind of rejection? According to this passage, we see a few things happening here in Jesus' own heart:

Grieve: This may seem like an odd step, but it need to be stated. Jesus demonstrates it near the end... there is clearly something emotional happening in His heart, whether it's the acknowledgement of potential loss or an actual moving moment.

Grieving allows you to spend some time just processing your feelings, and helps you make sure you don't prematurely react out of your initial hurt. But be careful - there does come a point when a lot of people who say "I just need some space" end up using that space to flee from tension instead of pause and move back toward the relationship. So grieve... but don't expect every tear to be wiped away before you reconcile - just let the largest ones dry up a bit.

Stay strong: I admire how Jesus doesn't flinch on doing the right thing here. Even with all the pushback, He knows that Truth is Truth and can't be compromised. If you're waiting on someone who's rejected you or won't reconcile, stay mature and steadfast about these values that may not be popular, but are right and true.

Jesus says in verse 38, “I have come to do the will of God who sent me, not what I want.” There’s a lot of pressure in trying to please everyone. As the crowd grows, there will be more voices clamoring for your attention and potentially becoming offended if you don’t play their hand. One is a much less stressful number.
Reach out: You may be rejected from the other end, from unreturned phone calls to unanswered correspondence. Do the right thing even if it's one-way - reach out and keep the door open. Christ does that here, even though people walk away from Him versus toward Him.
Be secure in the Father's Love: There was never any doubt in Jesus' mind about whether or not the Father loved him. The echo of the words of his baptism,“This is my son, and I am really pleased with him,” can’t be underestimated.
Journey with those around you who haven't left: Sometimes when I am hurting to work something out with someone else, I forget to invest in the relationships in front of me. Even Jesus didn’t go at it alone. In response to his question, Peter says, “Where are we going to go? You have the words of life.”

You need people like that. “I’ve got your back” type of people. Some may even tell you what you don't want to hear, but listen - for such "wounds" from a friend can be trusted.

dealing with rejection - pt 1

2011-12-15T23:52:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you just don't get along with other people. Sometimes people reject you.

Crazy, isn't it?

You may be around them this next week at a Christmas party, and those extended family members, friends, or co-workers may flash a smile while they plot their next jab. You may encounter them in the neighborhood because they have different opinions than you do about exterior aesthetics or interior household dynamics. Or it may be people you once were in connection with would rather be disconnected from you.

When my kids have a problem with each other, I tell them to work it out. It's a basic principle... "We're family, and while you may be mad or disagree with each other your relationship is intended for health. So slow down and go work it out. That's who we are, and that's what we do."

As their father, that's my plan for them - and it pleases me when they live it out. I also take action and appropriately discipline them when they don't.

Kind of like how God, our Father, says the same, feels the same and does the same. In fact, Jesus once said through a parable in Matthew 18 that the measure by which we reconcile or don't reconcile will be applied to us.

Have you ever considered any of this when you know you should work out something with another person and refuse to or give up?

We're not just pushing away a person because we're "tired" of working on something - we're rejecting a command from our Father.

We're pushing back on our Father.

It's ironic how adults seem to ignore this principle more than we encourage kids to follow it. I am constantly amazed at how there are so many commands and teachings of God we accept, but when it comes to working things out with another person we opt for the world's method to "agree to disagree."

The Bible contains only a few instances where people of God part ways, and even these are descriptions of what happened to them and not intended prescriptions for us. It's clear all throughout Scripture that God's ideal is for people to work things out - so what happens when you deal with some kind of tension or rejection?

Seek God: Don't ask others for advice or follow your gut. Seek first God and His Kingdom by reading one of the most ignored passages by Christians: Matthew 18:13-35. Then follow it in the spirit of Proverbs 3:5-6.
Reach out: You may be rejected from the other end, from unreturned phone calls to unanswered correspondence. Do the right thing even if it's one-way - reach out and keep the door open.
Trust in God’s sovereignty: According to Romans 8:28, God can weave anything into a plan that serves His best interest and your good. So basically God’s got your back... and while you can't control what the other person is doing, you can trust that the Lord is working on their heart. What else do you really need?

If you're willing to work at it this, sin doesn't have to have the final word. It may feel like it now, especially if the other person isn't responding. Hang in there.

Remember, Christmas is about God coming near... so don't pull back. Instead, take a cue from Jesus who came to bless those who would curse Him and move toward the person you have tension with - even yet another step - until you're past the high winds of the tornado and in the center where you can find peace.

And if by chance you're the one who won't work things out, the Father does care. Don't be surprised if He disciplines you... be it a "time out" or a "spanking" in some area of life. Why not instead honor Him right now and sit down with a fellow family member whom you have had tension with?

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will make your paths straight."

I have at least one more thought on this. Look for Pt 2 tomorrow.

my personal growth plan... today, that is

2011-11-07T13:29:00.000-08:00

I'm often asked a question that I was asked again last week. I thought I'd share it here for anyone whom it may benefit.

The Question: So what are you doing or reading in order to have an answer (to theological questions that come up) and stay thirsty for God, etc?

My response: That's a tricky question, because my spiritual disciplines today reflect the foundation of my spiritual disciplines in days, weeks, months and years past. In everything I read or engage in, I am seeking four things:

How can I increase my awareness of what God is doing in a person/situation/me? (This drives me to become more intimate with the Holy Spirit)
How can I identify what is truth, what is opinion and what is a lie? (This drives me to read the Bible, certain books based on what I am dealing with or talking about, and so on)
How can I say "YES!" to God quicker today than I did yesterday in whatever He leads me in, even if I don't understand why? (This drives me to become more obedient, courageous and a bigger-than-I-can-see-thinker in everyday things)
How can help someone take one more step in God's direction in an area I have no authority in? (This drives me to not rely on my personal channels of authority, such as being a pastor or writer, to do all my evangelism but pushes me into new areas where I have to rely on God?)
How can I not only know the facts of what is coming up on the horizon culturally/theologically, but be in a place where I've asked the first and second round of questions about it? (This drives me to make sure I am not just recycling my faith and photocopying my walk with God from year to year)

Some books that have rocked my world with their presentation and/or helped me minister to others this past year:

From the Bible: James (I wrote a study on it for a publishing company and it forced me to go places beyond the usual stuff)
From the Bible: Matthew 5 (Beatitudes)
Seven: The Deadly Sins and the Beatitudes (Jeff Cook)
Sifted: God's Scandalous Response to Satan's Outrageous Demand (Rick Lawrence)
Erasing Hell: What God Said About Eternity, and the Things We Made Up (Francis Chan)
God Behaving Badly: Is the God of the Old Testament Angry, Sexist and Racist? (David Lamb)
Choosing to SEE: A Journey of Struggle and Hope (MaryBeth Chapman)
Imaginary Jesus (Matt Mikalatos)
Normal Christian Life (Watchman Nee)
Closing The Window (Tim Chester)

There are others, of course, and some of it I read to help me know how to serve others. There are some real tragedies in my midst (situations I can't share publicly). I mean, you have to dig deep to sidestep the temptation to spout off cliches or easy answers.

So that's a slice of my life today, but like I said - it takes into account my past attempts to make progress in this area. I didn't know much of anything about Jesus Christ until my junior year of high school. I still feel like I'm playing catch up - maybe that's what helps... I never feel like I know enough.

I know I'll never have this down pat, but I do think God does. To paraphrase Rich Mullins, the Bible wasn't given to us so we can prove how right we are; the Bible was given to us to show how right God is and how the rest of us are just guessing without Him. I'd say that's good motivation to jump into it and do more than read it - rather, let it read us.

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect. (1 Peter 3:15)

the intention for the exorcist

2011-11-01T07:53:00.000-07:00

On the heels of Halloween, I'm intrigued by this quote from the writer of "The Exorcist" - the book that the pop culture movie was based on:

"That I am regularly hauled out of my burrow every Halloween like some furless and demonic 'Punxsatawney Phil' always brings a rueful smile of bemusement to my lips as I lower my gaze and shake my head, for the humiliating God's-honest truth of the matter is that while I was working on The Exorcist, what I thought I was writing was a novel of faith in the popular dress of a thrilling and suspenseful detective story—in other words, a sermon that no one could possibly sleep through—and to this day I haven't the faintest recollection of any intention to frighten the reader, which many will take, I suppose, as an admission of failure on an almost stupefying scale. But it's true! … Every [Halloween] I put out the pumpkin with the cutout eyes and nose and face, and the basket full of Snickers and Mars bars beside it; but I do keep wishing—oh, ever so wistfully and—let's face it, hopelessly—that The Exorcist be remembered at this time of the year for being not about shivers but rather about souls, for then it would indeed be in the real and true spirit of Halloween, which is short for the eve of All Hallows or All Saints Day."

—The Exorcist author William Peter Blatty. This October marked the 40th anniversary of his book's publication. And about his inspiration for it, Blatty says, "When I first heard, in 1949, of an actual case of demonic possession and an exorcism going on nearby while I was a junior at Georgetown University, I remember thinking, 'Someday, somebody's got to write about this, because if an investigation were to prove that possession is real, what a help it would be to the struggling faith of possibly millions, for if there were demons, I reasoned, then why not angels? Why not God?'"

[10/28/11]

the unnecessary act of rediscovering hope

2011-10-30T21:55:00.000-07:00

Your circumstances may look unmovable and unbeatable.

Your soul may feel like dust.

Your heart may feel like stone.

Your mind may feel like oatmeal.

Your body may feel like ooze.

All of this can cause your most repetitive question to change - no longer do you wonder if there is a remedy as much as you wonder if there is hope, and how you can rediscover it.

I have some Good News.

Hope doesn't need to be rediscovered, for it is never lost.

The real issue is that rough circumstances abrasively create the same consequences as sandpaper - as we are ground up and rubbed raw, the dust begins to fly and gets into our eyes.

We just can't see.

God hasn't moved, nor has He moved the hope of hope.

This is where a church community of people who seek out the Word of God with you is most valuable. When particles of earth's problems blind our eyes, we must rely on the birds-eye view of our Creator. Others who know Him well can see Him and hear Him, translating real words of encouragement into you. Some may get tongue-tied and accidentally offer you a cliche, but their heart is good... and even if you take issue with their presentation, resonate with the vision they have of God that you may be missing out on.

But be warned... some spiritual-sounding people may only add to the dust. The book of Job shows that even the best of friends with the best of intentions may be immature in their faith and advice. Of course, that doesn't matter... for they may be as blind as you, but at least are trying to read God like braille.

The real truth is that hope is still there.

Once again, the real truth is that hope... is still there.

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31)

is social media ruining students?

2011-10-19T23:11:00.000-07:00

Some compelling stats are out regarding students and social media. Click here for more: http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/is-social-media-ruining-students#!/photos/110348/1

a first-person perspective on same-sex attraction

2011-10-18T22:31:00.000-07:00

I came across an intriguing commentary from a young man who writes about his longings for the same-sex and what it means for him to be a follower of Jesus Christ. He writes:

"Confusingly, I found myself, just when all my friends were beginning to notice girls and become interested in dating, having longings to be in that kind of relationship with a member of my own sex."

"As I discovered more about Christianity's historic teaching, I found myself convinced of the position which the church has held with almost total unanimity throughout the ages—that although many people find themselves, through no fault of their own, to have sexual desires for members of their own sex, this is not something to be affirmed and celebrated but is, rather, a sign that we are broken, in need of redemption and re-creation. Gay people are not uniquely broken—that's a position we share with every other human who has ever lived, or will live—but we are, nonetheless, broken. And following Jesus means turning our backs on a life of sexual sin, just as it does for every other Christian."

He offers this advice to others who struggle with same-sex attraction:

"If you're someone living with homosexual feelings, Jesus' message to you… is not primarily a no to your deepest hunger. I do believe that discipleship to him entails giving up gay sex and gay relationships. And that may be more painful than you can imagine right now…. But, ultimately, Jesus is offering you the kingdom. He is offering you eternal life. He is offering you Himself in the gospel. Sacrificing your sexual freedom… may seem like a high price to pay—and it is a high price to pay!—but He promises you a joy so stunningly great that if you felt the full weight of it now, you would literally come undone."

The author is Wesley Hill, a PhD in the United Kingdom and author of "Washed and Waiting: Reﬂections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality."

Here's the full article: http://www.ransomfellowship.org/publications/critique2011-3.pdf

i agree... i seem nuts

2011-10-17T05:14:00.000-07:00

I am a Christ-follower. I'm at peace with seeming crazy to a world that keeps trying to convince itself it's sane. Higher truths I can't fully comprehend exist, but the pieces I can discern have changed my life and eternity. The person of God is real, which means I'd rather take seriously what He has made clear - redemptive love matters, and we were created for a great purpose... one that we commonly keep watering down by chasing the next trophy or buzz. Jesus said it this way:

"Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other." (John 13:34-35, MSG)

Losing your life may not sound like fun, but what Jesus is asking you to do is leave behind your agenda and plans for his.

Imagine Christ looking you square in the eye and saying, “You can stay here and play with your yo-yo, or you can follow me on foot to a destination that will blow your mind and strengthen your legs. We’re going to have a real adventure along the way, and I will be with you for all of it. You’re going to figure out who you really are, and end up helping Me save a whole bunch of people from the decay inside their souls that they hide underneath a smile. We're going to kill religion and replace it with a relationship, and together transform this world from grey to vibrant colors you haven't yet seen because this world doesn't yet know how to handle seeing them. Will you follow Me?”

I'm in. Yet I wonder... how would you answer Jesus?

death or life

2011-10-12T15:30:00.000-07:00

Both the hummingbird and the vulture fly over our nation's deserts.

Vultures seek rotting meat, because that is what they instinctively look for. They are satisfied with that diet.

Hummingbirds ignore the smelly flesh of dead animals. Instead, they look for the colorful blossoms of desert plants. They thrive on this nutrition.

Vultures live on what was. They live on the past. They fill themselves with what is dead and gone.

Hummingbirds live on what is. They seek new life. They fill themselves with freshness and life.

The real point in all of this is that each bird finds what it is looking for... death or life.

Sound familiar?

See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. (Deuteronomy 30:15-20)

a letter a day

2011-10-10T14:34:00.000-07:00

Twenty years ago the Harry S Truman Library in Independence, MO made public 1,300 discovered letters that the late President wrote to his wife, Bess. Mr. Truman had a lifelong rule of writing to his wife every day they were apart, and followed this rule whenever he was away on official business or whenever Bess left Washington to visit her beloved Independence.

Scholars examined the letters for any new light they may have thrown on political and diplomatic history. Of course, the obvious truth couldn't be dismissed - every day he was away over the course of 50 years (even during the Presidency), Truman took time out from his dealing with the world's most powerful leaders to sit down and write a letter to his wife.

The application runs deeper than marriage, for the God of the universe and everything in it thought you were important enough to write you a love letter called the Bible. Every day you wake up He seeks to woo you away from sin and death and toward freedom from addiction and life. Enjoy this, and enjoy Him as you build your relationship with Jesus Christ. Read from His letter to you every day, and think about what He is trying to tell you through it. You matter that much to Him, after all.

"Behold, I will allure her and bring her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her." (Hosea 2:14)

a letter to my younger self

2011-09-28T10:59:00.000-07:00

[ From my weekly newspaper column "Fully-Alive Living" ]

I have a birthday this week.

No presents, please. Just throw money.

Actually, I’m not a “birthday dropper.” Some people perpetually hint for a gift by mentioning their upcoming birthday. I like comedian Jim Gaffigan’s response to these indirect propositions:

“Hey, just want to let you know, next Tuesday is my birthday.”

“Just want to let you know, I'm not getting you anything.”

When people find out it’s your birthday they inevitably want to know how old you are. I’ve always been comfortable with my age at any age, but noticed people grade it from where they’re at:

When I turned 21: “Oh, you’re 21? (pauses) Now… I remember 21… (stares off to look somewhere) 21… twenty-one… twennnn-ty-onnnne…"
When I turned 30: “Welcome to my world, sucker. Embrace the decade of love handles and treadmills. Muh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
When I turned 35: “Dude, you’re like… as old as my dad.”

People in my church like not knowing how old I am. It somehow lets me be old enough to speak wisdom into their life, but young enough that I can hang out on a road trip with teenagers. Apparently I can quote Kierkegaard and end my sentence with, “Like, you know?”

So if you’ll indulge me, I want to write a letter to my younger self. Imagine if you really could do this and they’d get it – what would you say?

(And no, you can’t just share stock investments and TV show plots.)

--- Read the rest: "A LETTER TO MY YOUNGER SELF"

what a bunch of fools, right?

2011-09-17T14:21:00.000-07:00

First, pick your favorite demeaning word: "Fools," "Idiots," "Morons," "Control freak," and so forth.

Second, apply it to someone who frustrates you: A political party, a church or church leader, a business who let you down, etc

This is how we normally vent our frustration out against people and organizations; however, might there be something to consider about it?

Read these words via an interview with Francis Chan, and apply them:

Jesus threatens hell to those who curse their brother (Matt. 5:22). He's not warning drinkers, smokers or murderers. Jesus preaches hellfire against those who have the audacity to attack a fellow human being with harsh words.

It's ironic—frightening, actually—that some people have written books, preached sermons or written blog posts about hell and missed this point completely. In fact, some people have slammed their Christian brothers and sisters in the process, simply because they have a different view of hell, missing the purpose of Matthew 5: "Whoever calls his brother a fool may find himself guilty of hell."

Have you called your brother a fool lately? On a blog? On Facebook? Have you tweeted anything of the sort? So often, these hell passages become fodder for debate, and people miss the point of the warning. Jesus didn't speak of hell so we could study, debate and write books about it. He gave us these passages so we would live holy lives.

Stop slandering one another, and live in peace and brotherly unity. Jesus evidently hates it when we tear into our brothers or sisters with demeaning words, words that fail to honor the people around us as the beautiful image-bearing creatures that they are.

sharing some perspective

2011-09-13T17:53:00.000-07:00

Over the past few months I've been blessed to share some perspective on Cleveland NBC and CBS News. Here are the links to those pieces - I'd appreciate your prayers for any impact they might have on these themes. Thanks!

9/11 and Religion - 10 Years Later: http://www.wkyc.com/news/article/206378/278/%40-the-Table-Religion-911-at-Connection-Church

Editorial Response to Celebrating Osama Bin Laden's Death: http://www.woio.com/story/14670974/editorial-response-tony

back... from the future

2011-09-09T08:55:00.001-07:00

A clever commercial based on Back to the Future. Interesting concept we've seen before, but personalize it - when can you leverage your personal past successes for future wins that bless others?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yiSdjwi_bg

flashback to 9/11

2011-09-07T13:35:00.000-07:00

I remember being asked to put a video together the day after 9/11 happened. It was for our upcoming church service five days away, only there wasn't an abundance of film yet available on the attacks. Somewhere over those five days this is what I was able to paste together.

I'm not sure if this can help you remember, but I know that we are in the habit of moving on from things we need to work out. Here is my humble attempt at a moving memoriam about the attacks on the World Trade Center and Capital on September 11, 2001.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NF_khJV6a3E

get off the fence

2011-09-06T21:48:00.000-07:00

If you are riding the fence in an area of life, don't be surprised at the damage you cause to yourself and others falling off.

We want it all, but often won't commit because we're *sure* the grass is greener on the other side... or was it the other side?

Be careful - your weight will soon shift when you least expect it, and hurt will unfortunately occur all around you.

Both sides of the fence involve comfort AND carrying your cross.

Buck up.

Get off the fence.

"You don't have to be a genius to understand these things. Just use your common sense, the kind you'd use if, while being taken to court, you decided to settle up with your accuser on the way, knowing that if the case went to the judge you'd probably go to jail and pay every last penny of the fine. That's the kind of decision I'm asking you to make." (Luke 12:57, MSG)

social (media) responsibility

2011-08-31T11:54:00.000-07:00

Apparently we're all members of the media now. How is that responsibility affecting your personality?

Check out today's article, "Facing Your Electronic Persona," from my weekly newspaper column in the Cleveland suburbs "Fully Alive Living."

It just may help you better understand how you're "virtually" interacting with the world.

when e-communication goes bad

2011-08-28T12:37:00.000-07:00

I saw this on the internet the past day or so, and didn't know what you think about it:

ATTENTION: As Hurricane Irene batters the East Coast, federal disaster officials warned that Internet outages could force people to interact with other people for the first time in years. Residents braced themselves for the horror of awkward silences and unwanted eye contact. FEMA advised: “Be prepared. Write down possible topics to talk about in advance. Sports...the weather. Remember, a conversation is basically a series of Facebook updates strung together.”

It got me thinking about how much electronic communication (Facebook, texting, emails) have become our "easy way out" of actually sitting down with someone and working things out. What's your experience - do you:

Use email/Facebook/texting as a way to avoid a face-to-face opportunity or responsibility?
Do your ever sense others bow out of commitments with you through e-communication versus having a conversation with you?

I believe online communication should supplement real-life relationships. It seems like culturally it's become the easy way out of actually having one, though... especially when there is tension.

Thoughts?

"If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love." (Matthew 18:15-17)

a favor?

2011-08-05T11:35:00.000-07:00

A favor?

Do you mind taking a moment to "thumbs up" my nomination on this page? I would love the opportunity to be a part of this conversation among people in ministry. It's really not a self-promotion thing... I am hoping to jump into what I perceive to be an important dialogue.

Search for my name - it's currently toward the bottom. Also feel free to pass this around - thanks!

http://list.ly/list/I9-nominate-speakers-for-the-2011-nines

how (ordinary/super) heroes are made

2011-07-26T14:26:00.000-07:00

Some people grow up reading the Bible. Others grow up reading Harry Potter. I happened to grow up reading comic books.

Yep, I said it out loud.

Back then it wasn't a big deal. Then some time after that it became a big deal - you were a geek for doing this. And then now it's not quite a big deal again.

Super heroes are popular - so much so that Captain America's movie release weekend bumped Harry Potter down to second place in its second week. (Although Harry Potter probably isn't too worried, given its opening weekend)

I've always known that following these fictional adventures - Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Captain America - brought into the focus of my life the reality that I am here for a reason.

We all are, actually - it involves living in a much larger Story than "me, me, me."

This week at a large convention called "Comic Con" the star of the upcoming movie "The Amazing Spider Man" put it rather profoundly and personally: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wemtXS4Zx9o

Good fiction wakes us up to the hidden truths of this world. There is a reason we all cheer on the "good guy" because deep down inside we know that there is a "good" underneath the "bad" in our world. There is also a reason why we ache over tragedy, for we know that tragedy shouldn't exist in the first place - as if hidden within us there is an awareness that this world shouldn't have been broken by humanity in the first place.... it started out good and should be that way again.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. (Romans 1:20)

I'm not sure what you grew up with, but I hope it was something that awakened a calling inside of you to be the hero that this world needs. Perhaps you jumped too quickly into horror movies and haven't gotten past that sense of feeling scared around every corner of life, or maybe you were exposed to sex and nudity in ways that have always made you feel like your body is nothing more than a biological toy.

Unfortunately today's comics have turned in those directions, so with rare exception do I support them. There are still some solid "younger kids" comics that keep the adventure and the innocence alive.

Maybe that's why I started writing this post in the first place. Perhaps we are now the rare heroes who need to not only join into the pages of the Story - God's Story - and likewise be the very pages of Truth in a world of fiction. The people around you need to know what is worth fighting for, and if you know... if you truly know the values of the Reality that exist in the thought bubbles of our thought bubbles... then it's time to start sharing it and living it.

With great power comes great responsibility.

(You knew that was coming, didn't you?)

"Your very lives are a letter that anyone can read by just looking at you. Christ himself wrote it—not with ink, but with God's living Spirit; not chiseled into stone, but carved into human lives—and we publish it." (2 Corinthians 3:2-3, MSG)

speaking about not speaking

2011-07-25T15:05:00.000-07:00

"I'm sorry. We had a disagreement and both of us made a bigger deal out of it than we should have. I know you've been waiting for me to make the first move, and I've waited for you. But instead of the tension, I want healing and will work for it. Our relationship is too important to play guessing games. So whether or not you want to work on this or even see a problem, I want you to know I do and I'm not going anywhere. I'm giving you the gift of choosing to not hold any of the past into our future together. The door is open and will stay open - let me know what you think our next step is. I want to take it with you."

Feel free to use that with "you know who" in a phone call, email, text, or Facebook note. Your pick.

"Forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:35b)

putting your senior pastor in his place - pt 1

2011-06-30T08:46:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite friendships is the one I've developed with Tim Schmoyer, a great youthworker who cares about more than the ministry in front of him. Tim really has a heart for youthworkers, too, and spends a good chunk of time trying to facilitate conversation among the adults who invest so much of their time into the next generation.

I just began writing for his website Life In Student Ministry, and invite you to read and comment on the first installment of a new series: Putting Your Senior Pastor In His Place

the "disability" we don't need to choose (but often do)

2011-06-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

There's always something to complain about... from local stores you feel mistreat you and traffic that frustrates you, to politics you won't listen to and people you won't agree with.

Maybe it's just "life" in general.

Today.... I'm going to try to instead praise God for those thoughts. - not the content of them (because what we complain about can become quite the black hole) but the fact that I have the ability to think and articulate... to feel and understand those feelings,

Maybe it's because a half-hour ago I met someone who has a disability and couldn't stop repeating the same sentence. I can't begin to tell you how humbling it was to realize the simple things I take for granted.

Or maybe it's because I often am that person without realizing it - repeating the same complaint, over and over.

There is always something to complain about.

Then again, there is always a reason not to.

Right?

manhood and girls who say no

2011-06-09T23:05:00.000-07:00

Manhood is weird. Some days I feel like I need an assistant to keep track of which guy friends I handshake, fist-bump, slap-hand/grab-fingers/finger-point, or tough-hug-while-maintaining-heterosexual-distance with.

Today I confronted another lack of manhood in a public place.

My family and I ate lunch at a pavilion near a local park. Afterward I took my boys to play, and my wife and baby daughter hung out in the shade of the pavilion. After fifteen minutes my wife got my attention, and as I approached her informed me that some pre-teen boys were giving a girl a hard time who was resisting one of them.

I walked over quickly, assessing the situation just as she described. Even from a distance the boy noticed me and let go of the girl... as if he knew what he was doing was wrong but only was reminded of it by my approach.

Using my best "man" voice, I got close and asked, "WHEN A GIRL SAYS NO, WHAT DOES IT MEAN?"

"I don't know," he answered to avoid answering.

"WHEN A GIRL SAYS NO, WHAT DOES IT MEAN?"

"I don't know."

"Yes," laughed one of his buddies.

I glared at his friend. "DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT? DON'T ANSWER - JUST THINK... DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT?"

Turning back toward the first kid, I asked again, "WHEN A GIRL SAYS NO, WHAT DOES IT MEAN?"

"I don't know... maybe... or no, I guess."

I paused, looking him over. "You WILL respect these girls." The two females, about 12 years old each, sat on the picnic table listening with their backs to me.

"Why does he care?" chirped the third boy.

"He's trying to be our father figure," said the first.

"Do you have a father figure?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he answered.

"Does he set a good example for you?"

"I don't know," he replied.

"Not mine," said the second boy.

"I don't have a dad," blurted the third. He seemed serious.

"Then stop waiting for someone to set an example and start setting one," I pressed. "I know how this works. You nod your head now and then when I walk away you shout out something that sounds clever but is your attempt to look cool instead of be a man. So decide if you're going to be boys who don't respect girls or men who fight for their purity and honor."

"Okay..."

"Don't tell me okay. I have a daughter and she's going to grow up, and you'd better respect her."

"I won't know your daughter," he said.

"But you do know these girls, so start with them."

"Okay... okay..."

I sat down across from them.

Awkward pause.

"So..." he said, "are you just going to sit there and watch us now?"

"Yep. Someone will always be watching you."

---

I had this happen once before and wrote about it: http://www.connectionchurch.org/pdfs/2011/020911_MedinaGazette.pdf

Different boys, same lack of respect.

As long as it keeps happening, I'll keep on giving the same talk. It may go in one ear and out the other... it may only stick with one of them... it may be the girls decide to stop hanging out with guys like this.

Or maybe you read this and will be the next reminder to someone that what is common in our world should never be considered normal.

"Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us." (Titus 2:6-8)

managing vs. creating your reputation

2011-05-31T13:53:00.000-07:00

Someone at the SyFy Network must say on a daily basis, "What's the worst movie ever? Okay, let's air it, and anything that sounds remotely like it after it."

For every "Mongolian Death Worm" and "Sharks in Venice," there are thousands of ideas that don't make the cut. I like a lot of science-fiction movies, but sometimes they seem to be made for YouTube instead of an actual audience.

As I was looking at the implication of what was yet again on TV, I realized this challenge:

Consider the reputation you think you have, versus the one you're creating.

"These are the words of him who holds the seven spirits of God and the seven stars. I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead." (Revelation 3:1)

There are essentially three ways to handle who you appear to be versus who you are:

1) Manage your reputation to look good even when it isn't. Surround yourself with only people who agree with you or are too afraid to confront you. This way you'll think you've convinced yourself of something you'll never truly convince yourself of.

2) Actively monitor what people are saying about you. You may end up turning your friends into your own personal "Google," asking them "What did she say? What did he say? What did she say about what he said?"This will be an awkward life to manage - believe me, I know from personal experience. It's far better to realize people don't think about you as much as you'd like to think they do (in order to "plot against you," of course).

3) Proactively be someone who pleases God's heart and practically adds to His world. The only real way for people to not poke at your life and pop the false bubble you're creating is to become solid. There's a huge difference between a negative reputation with a few positive comments versus a positive reputation with a few negative comments.

Unfortunately, there will be times where you have to address real or false accusations. Some of us have spots on our record we may always have to answer for, while other times we may simply deal with others who would rather grumble about their perceptions than work things out permanently.

That is all secondary to the primary task of simply being the person God create you to be. Don't be afraid to carry the cross of putting out content that you are living out - which means avoid doing good deeds without actually letting the Lord work good inside of you. People will see through it anyway.

Of course, there may be times that even by doing good you are crucified... and the good news is you're in good company.

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. (Mark 8:34)

managing time you can't seem to manage

2011-05-20T09:01:00.000-07:00

We simply can't fit everything in.

There are only 24 hours in each day, even when we feel like we have 48 hours of things to do. For the all the frustration that causes, however, there is a liberating truth:

You do have enough time to do everything God wants you to do.

Recently someone asked me "How do you pull off everything you seem to pull off in a single week? And by 'you' I mean YOU? Seriously you are one active guy."

I answered that I'm not sure there is a science to it, except that I keep my priorities clear - Jesus Christ, Katie, kids, and everyone/everything else (in that order). Somehow that alone anchors me and God helps me bend without breaking.

Another person followed up by asking, "How does one stay focused on our priorities? I think most of us get that they are supposed to be in that order, we just need a liitle help keeping it that way :) (Seriously, how???)"

Again, there is no "how" as much as there is a "Who" - let me use a metaphor.

I remember as a kid seeing movies like "Alice in Wonderland" or "Labyrinth" where a character was running through a maze that they couldn't find their way out of. Usually there would be an aerial shot in the scene to show you (the viewer) something they couldn't see - a birds-eye view of the maze. I always wondered as a kid if I could shout out to them where to go to help them out.

The good news is that God does the same thing for us in our busyness.When we feel like we don't know which way to turn (i.e should we cut back an hour on work to spend with our family, or should we cut back on relational time to increase professional time, etc) we have One who both shouts and whispers to us.

The problem, of course, is that God isn't MapQuest. He won't give you a turn-by-turn instruction on everything, but He will speak into your heart clear values that He wants you to use to know what to cut back on and what to increase today, or tomorrow, or the next day.

Let's face it - you and I only see the maze... but God sees the whole thing. He can restore your vision to what really matters without stealing away your freewill to make choices.

Andy Stanley wrote a great, short book on this called "Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide?" We all have to temporarily "cheat" people in our lives from what they hope from us, from work and family to our responsibilities and our extracurriculars. The catch is to make sure no one feels permanently "cheatED" in the process.

Imagine asking your family to hold a large rock because you need them to assume a burden you can't for a moment - they can hold it for a while, but you need to make sure you grab back the burden before they get worn down.

So that's why a priority list or mission statement like I mentioned is key. We need to make sure we don't give the most important people, starting with God, our leftovers. They need to get our best, because they in turn help us to become "whole" at giving our best to the rest of the world. Likewise, there is something about entering a busy season with something further down your priority list and knowing that those at the top are okay with it because you have first attended to them.

Again, though - God isn't just a religious priority, or even a "line item" on your list. He is the One who sees the maze, so absolutely start with Him. Prioritize your growth with the Lord, from taking active part in His Church to simply being still and knowing He is God. There is a reason He gives His Holy Spirit to people who receive Him as Savior and Lord... because He cares and knows we need more insight than what we can see.

That's it - no "one-size fits all" strategy... but priorities that you keep priorities, and constantly ask questions about to ensure the order is in the right order. That alone is what determines what you need to say "YES" to again that you've been putting off, and what you need to say "Not now" to that you have been protective of doing because you like it. Keep in mind, what you change today you may change back in a week - not because you're fickle, but because you are on a journey.

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins. (James 4:13-17)

hate mail and blah, blah blah

2011-05-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

This week I received my first official piece of "hate mail" regarding my weekly newspaper column. It just so happened that I got it after having written this week's article (but before it was published for him to read it) - ironically on the subject of how we as a culture have taken less to holding our tongue versus spewing out our grumpiness.

I know it's common to copy and paste things on Facebook, Twitter or blogs that shows how smart we are versus how dumb others are, be it politicians, co-workers, customers, local businesses or neighbors.

We are more apt to cry about feeling short-changed than we are to become the change we want to see in the world.

This is why I attempted to reach out to the person who wrote me, although I have not received any response. I honestly wonder if it's even a real email address or a manufactured one, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and ask to hang out locally so we can have a conversation about his feelings and thoughts.

I wonder if he'll take me up on it... or if he was merely interested in a drive-by blast.

Meanwhile, I have a favor... can you and I please become less interested in proving how intelligent we are and how idiotic others are? We get it - you're a Republican and Democrats are stupid; or you're a Democrat and Republicans are stupid; or you're an independent and everyone else is stupid; and so on.

And likewise, you were mistreated at a place of business... and they are dummies, dummies, dummies. Or you were offended that a church didn't meet your needs, because that's what they're "supposed to do."

I apologize for the edge, but not for what I hope it does in a surgical manner. We are accomplishing nothing by merely becoming recycle banks for derogatory content, and could instead use that energy to start something productive.

I heard something a couple of days ago that struck me - people complain about drug houses and gun houses in neighborhoods, but the reality is if you or I would have put something positive there instead they drug house or gun house couldn't have gone there.

Hmm.

So please read this week's article: If You Can't Say Something Nice

And... let's remember that we are capable of more than posting yet another "blah, blah, blah" rant or "hate these people with me" boycott that really does nothing to build bridges but only erects fences.

"A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions." (Proverbs 18:2)

bland faith

2011-05-10T11:09:00.000-07:00

People often talk about blind faith, but what about bland faith? After all, this is more common in our culture.

It's "Casual Christianity" or "seasonal religion" - God on "my terms, when I feel like it... which isn't that often." It is like almost eating an amazing steak and stopping short half-way between the plate and your mouth... and then wondering why we haven't tasted anything "worthwhile" in Jesus Christ. Or it's putting it on your teeth, but never swirling it around in your mouth - instead, you stay guarded so you can spit it out.

If you won't commit to the meal, is it any wonder why you may be missing out on the flavor?

Bland faith doesn't belong in our lives any more than blind faith does. Open your eyes, and open your mouth. Or as it says in Psalm 34:8 said it most clearly, "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."

different sides of the parking lot

2011-05-07T22:43:00.000-07:00

Last week I shared several pics I've taken of vanity plates I've seen around town. Then I got this email... read the caption in the graphic, and then check out the contrasting pics.

sadly, I am on Twitter. however...

2011-04-26T13:44:00.000-07:00

Although I have resisted it for the longest time - and perhaps still do - I have a Twitter account. I use it functionally, such as a "thought for the day" for our church or to post comments on websites that require a Twitter account. I am simply not a fan of counting your "followers" or getting people to "retweet" your "tweet."

All grumbling aside, I was intrigued by this notification in my Hotmail inbox today - look at the highlighted portion of this graphic:

Take THAT, J.R.R. Tolkien!

"If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself." (Galatians 6:3)

a surprising opportunity

2011-04-21T12:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official.

After an important lunch today, I am now officially a part of group of a couple dozen people who will represent the Cleveland area and suburbs via the local NBC news (WKYC). About 3 or more times a month I will take part in a 4-minute segment for the 7pm news called "@The Table" where I can take part in commentary and conversation on hot topics.

Honestly, I'm only sharing this because I feel like I'm swimming in a deep end of thinkers and it was quite humbling to be in their midst - mayors, councilmen, judges, radio personalities, and so on. I am out of my league, so please keep the prayers coming. Hopefully I can bring something that may add to and guide the conversation in a God-honoring way.

Then again, isn't that the same opportunity all of us have everyday - be it in a home, workplace, or school environment? In fact, comment here and let me know how I can be praying for you in whatever your opportunity is.

Thanks!

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." (Colossians 3:17)

do you sheep what I sheep?

2011-04-17T00:02:00.000-07:00

It's odd how no one like to be thought of as a sheep, and yet how often we act like them.

An interesting thing about sheep - they are born with a nature that makes them want to be free spirits, insistent on doing what they want to do.

Sound familiar?

When Katie and I were in Israel, we saw a shepherd walking with a sheep he was carrying on his back (tenderly circled around his neck). Our guide explained that this was common, not because the sheep was sick but because the shepherd had broken the sheep's legs.

On purpose.

It sounded cruel, of course, but he explained further.

Apparently sheep do what they want to do no matter what the shepherd asks of them. The problem is that they will nibble some grass that seems appealing, and then nibble some more after that, and then nibble some more after that. Eventually they will wander off because of this progressive appetite and be somewhere far away from the shepherd. And since they are not near him, they are prone to attack from wolves that the shepherd would normally fend off and protect the sheep from.

So the shepherd will break a sheep's legs and carry the sheep on his shoulders. Not because he is cruel, but because he is loving. In this way he also trains the sheep to know his smell, and thereafter to stay by his side and take genuine security in his presence and protection.

Because of this image - of sheep following a shepherd - they sometimes are used to describe something negative. Ironically, it's quite the opposite - by following the shepherd, they actually take part in life versus a death that is created by their own appetite.

Hmm.

Maybe that's why Jesus came, and maybe that's why Palm Sunday is something quite powerful for people who have been waiting for their Shepherd to appear. Are you one of them?

"When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things." (Mark 6:34)

red carpet and blue surf

2011-04-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

Check out these royal words from Rick Bundschuh - author of the book Soul Surfer that the movie was based on.

(By the way - it's a great movie... go see it)

http://www.conversantlife.com/life-with-god/among-royalty

marriage and commitment

2011-04-12T19:11:00.000-07:00

Growing marriages aren't determined by how much you always have in common but by how graciously you always deal with your differences.

That, and a foundation that is full of more God-sized reality than your human-sized feelings.

Praying for all my married friends out there.

"Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband." (Hebrews 13:1)

the choices of the few, the impact on the many

2011-04-08T07:31:00.000-07:00

There is a lot of talk about the effects of a government shutdown, and here is a great summary: http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2011-04-07-q-and-a-shutdown_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip

By the way, I do not mean to post this to get a political "he said/she said" conversation going. Rather, we all bear responsibility for the choices we make - so before you cast stones at "those idiots in Washington," let's take a look at how our choices affect others.

No, really... don't comment politically. I know that's the easy route... instead, dig deep personally and the choices you're making.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? (Matthew 7:3)

a brief observation about our brief observations

2011-03-25T09:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it seems like social media has become the means by which we tell everyone how we need to be suspicious of those "other people." Politics, schmolitics. Government, schmovernment. School systems, schmool systems.

Then I saw this cynical spread in print at the doctor's office.

So... maybe it has less to do with the tools and more to do with our divisive hearts?

"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun." (Ecclesiastes 1:9)

the questions asked by "answer men"

2011-03-10T07:45:00.000-08:00

I have found something to be true of the categories I may fit in: Pastor, writer, and practical theologian.

This is likewise true of others in similar categories.

Sometimes we ask questions to find answers.
Sometimes we ask questions to sound profound.
Sometimes we ask questions to maintain job security or sell something.
Sometimes we ask questions to increase our base of fans and followers.

Ironically, those motives will all ask the very same question.

Yet each asks that question for a completely different reason.

"All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD." (Proverbs 16:2)

fully-alive living

2011-03-02T12:11:00.000-08:00

I realized this week that today's "Fully-Alive Living" article makes it a full year that I've been writing a weekly column for the newspaper. Starting next week, it will be sent into every area home county-wide - making it a total readership of 63,000 people a week.

Um...

that honestly blows me away. It actually truly scares me, because that's an amazing window to speak Truth and genuine hope into people's lives. I pray (and ask for your prayers) that I manage this opportunity well. Especially since today I got to talk about the brave journey some friends of mine are on and the way it applies to all of our lives with God.

Check it (and the archives) out: http://www.connectionchurch.org/tonymyles

Thanks!

for fun: what type of church member are you?

2011-03-02T09:11:00.000-08:00

I came across this post... made me smile. Hope it does for you, too.

http://samrainer.wordpress.com/2011/02/18/what-type-of-church-member-are-you/

leading without power

2011-03-01T14:19:00.000-08:00

My buddy Mark Oestreicher has a great blog series he's writing on "Leading Without Power." He's essentially unpacking some content I heard him share at the National Youth Worker's Convention.

(part 1, overview; part 2, competency facilitator; part 3, culture evangelist; part 4, mission curator, part 5, storytelling host, part 6, champion of hope)

On Part 7, he explores the idea of a "Uniqueness DJ" who looks for ways to connect people to opportunities, versus the other way around. He offers this example:

For years, in youth ministry, I utilized a highly articulated ‘job description’ for volunteers. The thinking was (and i had been taught this, and subsequently taught this myself in many seminars) that youth ministry volunteers would flourish is they knew what was expected. I read that sentence now, and I think, what a dehumanizing approach to people. I would approach this very differently today. After the shared values of the ministry are discerned and articulated, I would work with each volunteer, based on his or her strengths, interests, experiences and competencies, to help him or her develop a unique plan for embodying our values in the context of their youth ministry calling. and, I would be intentional about how these unique works of art, made in the image of God, can experience something greater than themselves by bringing their uniqueness to the whole.

That reminded me of something I learned while watching the commentary on the first DVD of the TV series LOST. While a number of roles were “pre-written,” most of the show was cast or re-categorized based on the actors who came in to audition. For example, the character “Jack” (who eventually became the linchpin of the show) was originally conceived to die in the first episode. The “Kate’ character was going to be the leader of the group after that. “Jack” was planned he would be played by Michael Keaton versus Matthew Fox… that is, until they met Matthew Fox.

Even cooler – “Hurley” never existed in the script. When the actor who played him auditioned, he originally tried out to play the smooth-talking ladies man “Sawyer.” The DVD shows that video, during which we see a “Hurley-ism” come out that the writers and producers liked enough to create a character around.

Basically, what made the show what it was wasn’t a job description, but that people were sniffed out for what they could offer, and a job description was written around them.

The only time I’ve felt this way outside of my current situation was when I was serving under an innovative pastor who would ask me to rewrite my job description and goals every year. This activity was to consider where I was at in life, what I wasn’t capable of this year that I may have been last year (i.e. due to changes in family), and where I sensed God wanted things to go that may have been shifts from how we were doing things. I looked forward to this process because of the freedom it allowed me to grow, and integrated it into how I personally lead others.

Or as Marko put it, a “Uniqueness DJ.”

As a side note, the world doesn’t work this way, and people may still ask to get the 2-dimensional job description that they will attempt to live 3-dimensionally in. If you give them a better way, some may embrace it… but others will struggle. It may even that may lead to issues within the group of leaders you serve that will surface if a strong personality comes in and wonders why everyone else isn’t acting like life in the business world.

Maybe that’s why he chose the word “DJ,” though – because it involves coming up with remixes on the spot. Meaning, this thinking doesn’t just apply to the personality of the individual, but to the “personality” of the whole group, too.

"We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. " (Romans 12:6a)

things I learned today by listening instead of speaking

2011-02-27T19:06:00.000-08:00

This morning in our Connection Church gathering, we gave four guys in our church 10-12 minutes to each share a message out of the overflow of their relationship with God. Each swung at it hard, and so many were immensely blessed because of it. Even tonight as I took part in a "Learning Community" our church is offering I heard some of the chatter about how people were impacted.

Sometimes you need to step back from what you do in order to hear what you would have spoken over.

I said...

Sometimes you need to step back from what you do in order to hear what you would have spoken over.

Today, Patrick Campbell helped me hear:

God is in the habit of being "with" people. John 1:1 reveals that it is His nature, for He he has been "with" Himself in community as a Holy Trinity since before time began. (Even as I type that, I know that I am merely scratching the surface of understanding that.) He dared me to pray... not so that I can pray, but so that I can open my life up to God instead of forgetting to and gutting out life on my own.

Today, Mike Whipple helped me hear:

Delighting myself in the Lord isn't a cool catchphrase - it's what I do when I don't want to delight myself in the Lord. As an example, memorizing Scripture isn't easy, and we will either slack off because it's "too hard" or choose to delight ourselves in the Lord to a new growth point. We have to be careful, for the first sin humanity committed occurred when we decided to delight ourselves in ourselves and give ourselves what we thought was the desires of our heart. We got it wrong then, and still get it wrong today.

Today, Ryan Collins helped me hear:

There are two common stories people live in politically - one is labeled "Republican," and the other is "Democrat." We will post things online or rant in life about whatever furthers our sense of how the story should turn out, while demonizing "the other side" on a daily basis. What if instead we lived in a deeper Story - one that is highly political yet completely non-partisan? What if instead of setting up kingdoms on this earth we can rule, we lived for the Kingdom of God that He already does rule?

Today, Bryan Alonzo helped me hear:

What it sounds like to "SHOUT." Not in an obnoxious way, but in a caring proclamation of truth kind of way. I can settle for shouting my ideas or theology at the world, but what if instead I simply shouted out to God and proclaimed with my life a clarity of who He is. Not because of my volume, but because of the "volume" of who He is. Could my life become a GPS that others use to find their way back to their true destination? Might others say, "Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting: 'Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns.'"

All of this learning underscored my firm sense that every person in this world has a "sermon" in them, and by that I don't just mean presenting in a church service but in the way we get to speak directional God-sized truth into the lives of each other. It's like a ringback you hear when you call someone and end up tapping your foot to what they've set up for you to listen to. We can set that ringback up to be something that annoys others, or something that changes the world.

I'm honestly looking forward to living all of this out this week... to either find a new victory, or fail miserably while delighting myself in the Lord in the process.

"But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night." (Psalm 1:2)

a few too many spare ribs at the president?

2011-02-23T07:07:00.000-08:00

Apparently, the "first family" made a big boo-boo. They're being accused of having double-standards when it comes to how they live and eat.

Read about it here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1358829/Obamas-double-standards-family-holidays-telling-Americans-to.html

First off, my comments as follows are not intended to be political ones. Let's be honest - most of the commentary on this stems less from the issue, and more if you voted for or against the President.

Again... be honest on this.

Then there is the issue itself, which is a hard line to walk... for us, and for the President.

On our end, we have to be cautious about what we see versus what actually is. I'm not a President, but as a pastor I often have people looking at my choices without context. For example, I once had a family in the church tell me that they didn't think I should have taken my family on a vacation because they "pay my salary" and weren't in a position to take a vacation themselves. (Ironically, I paid for the vacation through a writing job I took on.) It's like the old joke that says, "I don't mind what kind of car a pastor drives, as long as it's worse than mine."

We do this with politicians and celebrities all the time. There is a standard we hold them to, and in some ways... rightfully so. On the other hand, we don't realize how hard it is for someone to be a President, let alone to have their kids under the pressure of public scrutiny.

A friend of mine is in the public eye and recently made a decision to switch jobs. The online chatter about it is nothing short of viscous, which I'm hoping the family hasn't read or heard. Comments as petty as, "Who did _____ have sex with to get that job?"

Seriously.

And... seriously?

On the President's end, he does need to exercise healthy judgment. The choices he makes will speak louder than the speeches he gives. Granted, no one knows what it's like to be in his shoes - even past Presidents had unique circumstances that made their jobs unique. Many got wore down fast - just look at President Bush's physical weariness after 9/11.

Yet none of that is an excuse to go off the deep end. Even splurging needs to have boundaries, whether you stretch to turn your McDonalds sandwich into an "extra value meal," or decide to upgrade your rental car experience to include satellite radio. I'm not sure we know enough about the Obama's private financial information or nutritional plan to know if their splurge is a healthy one, or completely unhealthy.

Per Michelle's choices, they are unfortunately amplified - she has taken a public stance on something, and therefore has invited the criticism. Maybe this is why people are afraid to look decisive anymore... we've become a culture that is ready to pounce instead of encourage. Ever thought how that plays out in your life?

Perhaps the Obama's have double-standards after all... or maybe their standards are just like our own that we refuse to see. Again, have you ever splurged on something... only the camera crew wasn't there to capture it? Or if someone did witness it, are you sure they understood your choice?

Granted, sometimes our splurging isn't healthy. I struggle to see people spend money on addictions, such as tobacco and liquor, instead of getting their household into a healthier place. It can even be in our entertainment choices - we may spend way too much money on cable, movies, or our cell phone features.

We're quick to defend our sense of entitlements, though. But we need to take a better look at our own inconsistencies. It's one of the reasons why our church works hard to offer financial counseling and other support so that this doesn't have to be the case.

Yet as I stated earlier, too much of this particular issue is going to be filtered through our personal politics. For every, "Yeah, but..." you may offer, I simply ask, "Do you really know the context of their choices, or merely the coverage of it?"

After all, this isn't a post about the Obama family, nor Rush Limbaugh. That would be too easy. We could criticize them all day without ever having to change ourselves.

Because this is a post about you and I. Let's do some personal growing before we cast the first stone... and let's remember that we are quick to react instead of respond. Maybe we can stop "ribbing" on each other, for it gives us one less bone to pick.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3-4)

do you see what they see?

2011-02-16T14:25:00.000-08:00

It's easy to snap your fingers at others and demand everyone accept you for who you are. After all, we live in a world that says you are to push back on any constructive words someone offers you.

It is far more productive, however, to actually grow in uncomfortable ways.

Not to appease others, but because we all have blind spots that others can see more clearly than we can.

Granted, sometimes other people don't know what they're talking about.

More often, though, we claim that merely as an excuse to do as we want, and not as we ought.

So... which will it be today?

If you aren't sure, think about who you are mad at... versus instead of using that energy to be madly working at what they've pointed out.

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." (Proverbs 27:6)

woo-hoo!

2011-02-08T10:04:00.001-08:00

Pretty stoked about this - just found out fifteen minutes ago that this is now live on Amazon.com and is being shipped to stores today.

The Miracles Of Jesus: A 30-Day Devotional for Students by Tony Myles and Seth McCoy

the tension of my tensions

2011-02-04T20:48:00.000-08:00

Ah...

to be clever, or to be humble;
to be right, or to get right;
to win the day, or remember the battle;
to be served, or to serve.

And once I decide, to in the next moment wonder,
"to be clever, or to be humble;
to be right, or to get right;
to win the day, or remember the battle;
to be served, or to serve."

a friday quote: rich mullins on hypocrisy

2011-02-04T00:30:00.000-08:00

"I remember, you know, you go to these parties on Saturday night and people would say, about 8:00 on Sunday morning 'Whoa, I have to go - I gotta get to church!'

People would say, 'Why do you want to go to church, all those hypocrites?'

And I say, 'Look, why do I want to stay here with all you hypocrites?'

I never knew why going to church made you a hypocrite. They'd say because you go to church and you're all 'Holy, Holy, Holy' for two or three hours, and then you go home and sin. I'd say 'exactly!' For two or three hours you're doing pretty good!

Maybe the problem isn't that you go to church, maybe the problem is that you go home!

I never understood why going to church made you a hypocrite either, because nobody goes to church because they're perfect. If you've got it all together, you don't need to go. You can go jogging with all the other perfect people on Sunday morning

Every time you go to church, you're confessing again to yourself, to your family, to the people you pass on the way there, to the people who will greet you there, that you don't have it all together. And that you need their support. You need their direction. You need some accountability, you need some help."

- Rich Mullins

Chicago loses, Chicago wins

2011-01-25T21:16:00.000-08:00

The loss: A football game creates a bad taste in the mouth of Chicago, prompting a man to get fired from his job as a car salesman for wearing a Green Bay Packers tie.

The win: A second-cousin of mine feels a conviction within that tells him, "That's not right." He steps up and offers the man a job.

I really encourage you to read the story via these links:

Look, I understand how business works... I know you don't intentionally want to work against advertising money your business has spent.

This story is about more than that, though.

What I'd offer you is the same challenge - is the greatest thing we can have an allegiance to really a football team? Or perhaps in your life, is it a school district, political party, or entertainment choice?

When do we stop trying to prove that we're in the right, and simply do what's right?

It can be a big news-making story like it was for this man and my cousin Guy, or it can be a quiet consistency you resolve to live your life by. This past week I resolved to stop watching yet another TV show that has content I simply can't affirm as a Christian. Granted, it's right in the middle of a story arc, and I'd really like to know how it turns out. But... and pardon me for saying this... so freaking what?
Disagree if you'd like, but consider this - there's a reason both headlines made the news... which one will you be a part of?

Is your conviction to the fiction?
Or is your ideal about something Real?

‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ - Jesus, Matthew 22:39

a friday quote: extraordinary words from an ordinary guy

2011-01-20T21:22:00.000-08:00

I sometimes quote famous people to consider their thoughts on life and random things, but today I'm quoting a friend.

"I used to feel there is a heavenly realm, and an earthly realm. And I never really put the two together. But it's clear that my understanding now is that God puts everything in this world into place. That everything that we experience, every act we do, every conversation we have is because of Him and by Him and He's working through us and we're working with Him.

And that's caused me to sort of examine how I act in the workplace, and how I interact with other people. I truly hope and pray that I've become a beacon of my faith for other people."

- Chris Jones, via a night of "Pizza and Prayer"

our daily (Panera) bread

2011-01-18T11:26:00.000-08:00

Did you catch this news by Panera Bread? They have it a new stride by creating new locations where customers can't find any prices on the menu, but simply pay what they want and think is "fair."

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37213165/ns/business-consumer_news/

A buddy of mine in town does this everyday via CUPS Cafe - they've been doing it for three years and haven't missed a rent payment yet, relying upon the collective vision of others who want to feed those in our area a dignified and delicious meal who otherwise couldn't afford one. Our church is one of its supporters, as we believe in this concept Jesus put forth to take care of each other.

Imagine that.

"And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased." (Hebrews 13:16)

How can you apply this principle in your field of leadership?

hey YOU - five quick thoughts on how you may be driving/living

2011-01-17T10:20:00.000-08:00

Consider:

Living life in the fast lane only leads to quicker crashes.
Staying neutral will cause you to roll wherever the wind blows the strongest.
Staring at your rear-view mirror will cause your focus on your past to kill your future.
Blowing off the warnings of others who see something you don't see begs for an accident.
Ignoring the law to live life as you want will endanger others and threaten your true freedom.

These are more than good thoughts on driving - they are metaphors for how you may be living.

So...

slow down (Psalm 46:10)
get into a proactive gear (Matthew 16:24),
look around at what's in front of you (Philippians 3:14-15),
allow others to check your blind spots (James 5:16),
and quit ignoring the Laws that God has put forth... not because He wants to kill your ride, but to offer you true freedom instead of a jail cell of your own making (Jeremiah 29:11).

Funny how we understand this on the road, but rebel against it in life.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools. (Romans 1:19-22)

starry-eyed changes

2011-01-13T19:54:00.000-08:00

It's the latest news on Zodiac signs... that the latest news on Zodiac signs has been, well... wrong. For a long time, actually.

According to an article in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, the earth's wobble hasn't been appropriately accounted for when it comes to the means by which people figured out an astrological sign they think they should follow.

Oops.

Astrology is seen by some as harmless fun, while others truly base their decisions on it - some going so far as to tattoo their astrological sign onto themselves as a permanent sense of identity. Astronomers have criticized astrology from the get-go, and God warns against it (even though some Christians try to mash it into their belief system).

Perhaps that's why this news can be quite confusing.

A friend of mine who worked for a major newspaper once told me about a time that they didn't pay their subscription to a horoscope service. For an extended period of time, the staff made up the horoscopes on the fly and put them into the paper. Perhaps this is just another example, but I think it underscores an interesting question.

Is what you take your cue from in life man-made or God-made... and do you think it's God-made, even though it's man-made?

Astrology has had two differing ideas within itself about how astrology works, so right there is something to consider - you can pick the one that sounds appealing (a potential sign of a man-made option). It reminds me of when people find a religious denomination they like and click into autopilot mode on it, proclaiming, "I grew up _________ and I'll be a __________ until the day I die."

(insert Catholic, Protestant, Southern Baptist, Methodist, Wesleyan, Nazarene, and so on)

So what does it mean when you've thought yourself to be a Libra all this time, only to find out you're a Virgo? Does it rock your world even a little bit and make you wonder, "Have I ever really been on a spiritual journey that I didn't take for granted but really took hold of?" When there is a major hole in a man-made idea you've based a part of your identity or decision-making on, maybe it's time to kick at the tires of it again.

Or... we can keep on using the Facebook astrology application. That is, after it's updated to reflect the incorrect structure it's been based on. Perhaps we can go for the non-electronic option and follow the version in the paper that my newspaper buddy and his co-workers invented as a gag.

Or... we can really begin a journey that is deeper than religion or things that appear supernatural. One that takes us to a place where God defines Himself, and we respond to His definition.

Maybe it's time to stop looking to the stars, and instead start looking solely at the One who made the stars.

a glimpse at hope via the next generation

2011-01-07T21:02:00.000-08:00

I really, really, really, really like it when the Church lives up to its name and makes a real difference in the world.

If you have ever felt that sense of "Yeah, this is right, and I don't know I know it, but I know it" when you give of yourself, check out this post and see what a bunch of Ramen-noodle eating young adults sacrificed and gave in just a few days this past weekend:

http://268generation.com/blog/2011/01/together-we-are-a-force-for-good-2/

By the way, you may want to know this isn't just a good deed. It came about as a response to several sessions of biblical teaching and worship that they couldn't help but respond to. This is a part of what Jesus teaches us to do... take care of those who are unable to take care of themselves.

So if you're a Christian, don't just nod your head and smile when you read this. Bring your own version of this into the world through your local church.

And if you aren't yet a Christian, find a local church who "gets it" and join on in.

because you just never know

2011-01-05T20:17:00.000-08:00

I apologize for how this initially sounds (because I hate how this sounds), but I always enjoy reading both affirming and constructive feedback on my weekly newspaper column.

There, I said it - and again, I know how that sounds... like I'm some fancy "writer" who likes to talk about his latest "work" or fancy "column." I understand that, because it bugs me to no end when people promote themselves over and over and over.

But it's not why I'm writing it.

Today I received an email that was simply amazing. Apparently today's article literally helped change someone's life... and the reason I'm sharing it is because it tracks back to a highly frustrating moment in my life that perhaps you know all too well - the choice to stop short... or pursue something to completion.

A few nights ago, I was struggling with little sleep and a bad headache. Throw in some stomach cramps, and I was ready for bed.

Only - I needed to write my weekly article.

So I started writing... but the headache took over. I even fell asleep at the keyboard once.

Writing can be torturous - waiting for an idea to come. Sometimes those ideas come right off of my human robot heat. Most times, it flows out of a place within my soul. There are also the moments when it has to be sought after like water in the desert.

Then there's the mental dance. Writing requires knowing or discovering something that you will explain, which means advance time having an experience, doing some reading or receiving a revelation out of nowhere. You're constantly dipping into places in life that you may not normally tread - not to merely find something you can talk about, but to become someone who has something to say.

Within this you run hard, then you procrastinate; you read a lot of news, and then you play an online game; you page through a great magazine full of intriguing thought, then you look at YouTube videos full of nothingness; you read some of the most amazing biblical truths ever written down, then you go get a handful of Doritos from the cupboard; you get mad at how corrupt government is, then you watch an old episode of The Twilight Zone... or Everybody Loves Raymond... or ten minutes of Celebrity Rehab, until you realize you've just watched ten minutes of Celebrity Rehab.

Keep in mind, that's not including the other things you do in life. Like being a human, or a loved one, or a parent, or a friend, or a pastor... which involves, you know... a lot of quality time.

So sometimes when I feel like I have nothing left to give, I begin to feel entitled with the thought, "You've done enough. Just give this next one less than your full effort. Besides, you'll have next week to put something better out there."

This is the moment.

The choice.

The choice to stop short...

or pursue something to completion.

The other night I chose to tap into a Source that is deeper than my own - God Himself.. That sounds incredibly spiritual or perhaps even bumper sticker-esque, and sure... it is both.

But that doesn't deny how incredibly true and practical it is, too.

Once your trust your life - not just your eternity, but your life to Jesus Christ - His strength becomes as accessible as your next breath of oxygen.

Some days I don't remember this as well as others.

But a few nights ago, I woke up from drooling on my keyboard and decided the "half-article" in front of me that could pass for a "full article" to most readers wasn't "good enough." Not because I'm a perfectionist, but because I refuse to settle when I know there is more in me than "me."

Don't misread this - there are times when my "50%" is my "100%" and I know that I can't give any more than I have given. I'm fine with that... it's about wholeheartedness, and not perfection.

There are other times, though, when my "50%" is "50%" and I am about to settle if I stop. I am not fine with that... that's about having the appearance of effort without the commitment.

It's taken me a lot of bumps and bruises over the years to realize the difference.

So today I received a rather amazing email from a woman who said what was in my weekly column changed her life. I don't need to share the details, because it was personal information I'm not at liberty to share.

But as I read it, I was reminded of that moment a few nights ago that I made a choice. It's the same choice you will make about something today or tomorrow.

I want to encourage you to opt for the Narrow Way... the road less traveled... the Way of the Master. I'm so glad Jesus didn't say, "I'm good after the whipping. Maybe they don't really need the cross."

Because... you just never know.

"Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men." (Ephesians 6:7)

"In everything that he undertook in the service of God’s temple and in obedience to the law and the commands, he sought his God and worked wholeheartedly. And so he prospered." (2 Chronicles 31:21)

parachuting with your kids in matters of faith

2011-01-01T17:37:00.000-08:00

My friend Matthew McNutt had a great post in response to the topic of different approaches churches take it their services around Christmas. He had this gem of a quote toward the end that I want to highlight:

Children ultimately emulate the faith of their parents. As a youth pastor, it’s always tragic to me when a parent voices the frustration that their child, now in college, doesn’t seem interested in church.

I have to bite my tongue because often times I want to ask how they can be surprised. For eighteen years they taught them that church is at the bottom of the priority list; skipping for vacation, bad weather, good weather, sports, concerts, work… everything comes ahead of it. When a teen is allowed to miss church for a job that is for spending money… they’ve learned that the pursuit of possessions, entertainment, social activities – all of those are more important than church.

There are different schools of thought among all of us on the "best way" to bring kids up in the faith, but many are often rooted in negative reactions. Here are top ones I've heard:

"I don't want to shove God down my kids throat, so I'll let them bring it up."
"I don't make my kids go to church like I was forced to and bored out of their minds."
"I don't think you need to go to church to be a Christian, so it's just not big on the family priority list."
"I don't want to miss out on the time I have with them, so we do other things on Sunday."

Obviously, we can debate these... but instead, let's look at how each sentence begins. Notice the phrase, "I don't..." - which simply reveals something you may be overlooking... a large part of what you may presume in your kids is more an issue of yours than theirs.

Think about it - how much of your presumably neutral offense is more of a defense that is rooted in your past?

We all know that no church is perfect, even though God is. You may have been hurt by a congregation or clergy member in the past, or pushed out instead of pulled in. Trust me, I have as well... so much so that I have the emotional scars to prove it.

But I'd like to offer you that you may not be as objective on this as you think. And you may, in fact, be rejecting an experience of church that you've applied to all churches. Perhaps what you grew up with actually was quite "shoved down your throat" or "boring." Maybe this has made you more argumentative against church being "necessary" or "something that competes with other fun things you want to do."

Again, I'm not debating your experience... I'm attempting to point out that you may be letting your past impact your kid's present, future, and possibly their eternity.

I'd also offer you that there are people like myself who understand this and are working hard to help the churches we're a part of get back to the heart of what God wants for our lives. Religion is an empty human exercise to find a connection with God; Christianity, on the other hand, is a passionate endeavor by God to develop a connection with us. It's a big difference, and even within my own family we spend a lot of time thinking through more than the concept of "Just believe," but "Is there credibility to what we put our lives into?"

What if this was the year that you owned up to the journey you're on and the way it may be affecting your family? If you don't have a church home, find one... go on that journey. And do it with your family - I'll even help you if you want.

You won't find a church that has all the answers, but you can find many who will more effectively reveal the Answer to you in ways you've never dreamed.

But you have to do more than put it off until next week, or Easter, or Christmas. If and when your kids bring up the big questions about God, will you only want them to taste your bitterness or will you give them a fresh opportunity to be consistently around teaching and a community that can complement your efforts?

After all, saying you have a belief in God is like saying that you believe a parachute works. It's a whole other thing to jump out of a plane and pull the ripcord, isn't it?

"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children." (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)

an openness to brokenness

2010-12-28T05:20:00.000-08:00

An openness to brokenness.

It feels near impossible at times, whether it's the honesty required when trying to lose weight or the denial of your dominant urges when the alarm goes off and you need to get out of bed. It's no wonder why soul care is often neglected, for while we can see the effects of neglecting our bodies we don't always catch how overlooking our spiritual life affects everything else.

But it does.

To clarify, when I say "spiritual life" I don't mean the times you decide to go to a church service or read your Bible... I mean that everything is spiritual, because God is everywhere and a part of everything, whether we recognize in Him or not. This means that folding your laundry or going for a walk in nature can be as spiritual an activity as popping in a praise CD or praying.

If you don't understand this, then take a moment to think about it before you move on a read the rest of what I've written here... otherwise, you'll miss out on the core point. (Here's a hint - what is the difference between a businessman sitting in a church service merely to get clients versus another sitting right next to them who wants to connect with God through what is about to happen? And is the same thing possible when you're cooking in the kitchen or watching a movie?)

I'm writing what follows at the request of a couple of friends who have asked me, "How do I get from 'here' to 'there' when it comes to lasting life change?" For example, this past Sunday the speaker in our church services invited people to respond to God by letting Him break them on the inside - from pride, religiosity, sin, and everything else. There is something amazing that can happen in this moment, but we need to fan that flame to be sure the moment becomes a "movement" versus a "monument." Here are a few thoughts on the factors that need to be in place for this:

1) New Jesus. To follow the real Jesus, you need to trade in the "Jesus" in your head. After all, everyone likes to dress up Jesus in their favorite ways. "Your Jesus kicks people down who ________? Cool! Oh, my Jesus is the 'Judge not, lest ye be judged' Jesus. He doesn't know any other Bible verses, but that one works just fine. My friend was just showing me his Jesus who doesn't require him to do take part in church services to be a Christian. We might trade next month."

Quit dorking around on this - if you call yourself a Christ-follower, then follow Christ... don't ask Him to follow you. Honestly, that's what we do when we step forward a foot to "say a salvation prayer," and then slow down our growth to millimeters (if that) afterward. Growth is going to look differently for everyone... but it does boil down to you looking to take another step with God versus defend the steps you've already taken.

2) New community. Surround yourself with people who aren't just nodding their head at Jesus, but who are making sacrificial steps forward with Him. Let's face it, if you want to keep doing what you're doing without anyone passing judgment on whatever it is, you can find other people in any church who want the same. We'll sort of not say anything to one another, and keep on doing what we all like doing... and we'll write it off as just "another version of Christianity - you have yours, and I have mine." We'll even feel good about how we're doing a few things for God, like helping out or showing up.

When that happens, no one grows... even though we think we are. So find brothers and sisters in the faith who will sharpen you as you sharpen them. Tell them, "I want Jesus to be my number one priority in life... can you kick my tail on this?"

3) New habits. What in life do you need to say "no" to that you've said "yes" to in order to propel further down the road with God? What about the reverse - what do you need to say "yes" to Him on that you've been otherwise resistant to? Confess these in all truthfulness - in fact, use that "community" from step 2 to be a part of that. Make sure another spiritually-mature Christian knows 100% (beyond a pastor, that is - we are easy to confess to, even though we're not easy to confess to, if you catch my drift). And then share your idea to start a 1-3 new habits into your life, asking him or her to fan this flame in you.

4) New food. Don't wait until the next upcoming church service or Bible study to get fed... feed yourself spiritually, or read up on how to feed yourself spiritually - like this article: http://www.christians.org/grow/grow01.html Find a Bible plan that you will be consistent with, and dig in.

Why? Because if you don't eat you won't be healthy... and you will have zero strength when something or someone in the world strikes at you.

----

The bottom line? You need to have an openness to brokenness - what God has broken up inside of you now must be rebuilt into something new. And He has given you a large part of the responsibility in this.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. (Galatians 5:22-26)

This "fruit" of the Spirit is the product of spending time with God - not the predecessor or the point.

Which means if you want to want what God offers, you have to want God - not what He offers.

And to gain Him and that, you must till the soil of your heart, do some digging, plant the right seeds, water it, and expose it to the Son... and as it grows, you will be able to feed yourself and others around you.

The change you want to see in the world begins in you.

four reasons I didn't preach yesterday

2010-12-27T05:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a Sunday within one of the "anchor" weekends for churches - the one closest to Christmas. Some congregations put a lot of eggs into this basket, while other churches close down and bank on a Christmas Eve celebration or an emphasis the week before (and face some constructive thoughts for doing so).

We had services, but I didn't preach yesterday... and I don't mean for this post to come across as a criticism of others who did. There's enough criticism over style between churches, and I genuinely celebrate the different ways my peers stepped up for Christmas in some way and "brought it" in however it honored God and the people they are ministering to.

So whether or not this affects you, I'd like to share these thoughts and hope they speak into your slice of life... whatever that may be.

Four Reasons I didn't preach yesterday:

A conversation I had a month ago: Without going into too many details, I was around someone recently who has been under justifiable fire for his choices in life and ministry. I won't comment on that, but I will share about a conversation we had as I walked him from one place to another. I received a text was from a congregation member, and it read: "Hey Tony. Hope you're having a good trip. Wanted to let you know Joanie knocked it out of the park this morn. No kidding. Grand slam world series! Rob"

"That's awesome," I involuntarily said out loud.

"What's that?" asked the man I was walking with.

"Oh," I said, "it's just this cool text I got. I'm obviously away from my church, and the person who taught today did a great job. This is a text from one of the church members who really was blessed by it."

He smiled, yet shook his head. "Trust me on this, you're not going to want to hear that as you mature into ministry. If you get a text like that ten years from now, you'll feel much differently about it. You don't want other people in your church to be a better teacher than you."

My jaw wanted to drop, but I held it back - honestly, because I wasn't sure I heard what I'd just heard.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Seriously," he answered.

I mean this with all of my heart... if that is what "maturity" looks like, I hope I never grow up. This was God's way of affirming my firm belief that that a church cannot be built around me, let alone the Christmas season. I immediately called up our speaker that day and affirmed her gifts, and since she wasn't available to teach during Christmas weekend I began looking for someone else who could.
Three services + three weeks = potential fumes: To make space for guests during the Christmas season, our church added an extra service for the first three weeks of the month. While I felt fresh each Sunday, the cumulative effect of those extra services created the potential for Christmas fumes. Meaning, when you become so familiar with something so precious, you can forget how precious it is and speak/think on auto-pilot. I wasn't about to do another service where I'd be potentially talking mechanically versus from a fresh place. This is one of the reasons why I won't preach for more than six weeks in a row without taking a break - the "six-on/one-off" principle of Sabbath should be built into all areas of life.
Volunteer opportunity: Our Kids Connection ministry is simply amazing, but not everyone "gets it" which means we often are challenged to staff our classrooms during non-holiday weekends. Throw in some Christmas travel, though, and even some of our amazing regular volunteers may not be around. So I volunteered to fill in some gaps in our Pre-K/Kindergarten schedule... and it was a blast!

Prophesy Dorsey "brings it."

The God factor: As I said earlier, God is bigger than me and needs to be the anchor of the church I serve. While it's easy to build a church around a pastor's charisma and personality, it's healthier and biblical to build it on the Lord. Otherwise, a congregation will unconsciously follow the "man of God" versus God... and if that pastor leaves the people leave as well.

I knew that our speaker yesterday, Prophesy Dorsey (yes, that's his real name), would be a great conduit for whatever God wanted to stir up. Turns out, I was right - and several people took some great strides forward with Jesus because of it. I'm so thankful for the way the Holy Spirit works through all kinds of people, including my friend.

Look - I know I'm not Rick Warren Hybels Stanley Driscoll MacArthur Bell, so this post may not have the same weight as if they would have written this. No matter - I'm not writing this to impress, but to confess.

As I said, I hope this applies to you in some area of life... so think about it. Some people find their security in their achievements, resume, or skill set - and I have that temptation just as you do. I've seen pastors gauge their success based on the number of baptisms they do, just as I've seen parents track their worth through their children, business people define themselves through their quotas, singles look for security through marriage, and adults feel like their high school achievements were the defining moments of their life.

We all look for ways to feel like we're making a difference in life, but when we can't be content stepping back from those things and not being the center of attention things may be a bit unhealthy. It's why I don't track the amount of people who visit my blog or how many people come to our church services. This is also why I "like" every post on Facebook where someone else is applauded for their gifts/abilities by someone else... not because I'm completely healthy in this area, but because I recognize my unhealthy temptations.

It's also, by the way, why I saved that text from the congregation member and locked it from ever being deleted.

Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. (Psalm 127:1)

can you finish either of these stories?

2010-12-21T20:26:00.000-08:00

A man on the side of the road has a sign that says he and his family need help. I stop by to talk with him, and ask what his story is - "Perhaps I can bring some food by wherever you're living?" I ask.

"I live in Parma," he says, blowing the smoke from his cigarette in my face.

Parma? That's at least a half hour away toward Cleveland.

"What's your family situation?"

He takes another drag of his cigarette. "A wife and four kids. The police won't let me ask for help there. You can put the food in my car, though. I mean, my friend's car. He loaned it to me and told me I should come down here to ask for help."

---

A single mom is working around the clock to make ends meet, let alone figure out where they begin. She receives no child support, but has chosen to not let that embitter her toward the world.

She knows she needs help, but doesn't want to be a burden to anyone. So she's pouring herself into her job, picking up extra shifts, and trying to walk through this season with seasoning.

This Christmas is going to be tighter than the rest.

Tighter? Try non-existent when it comes to giving any tangible gifts to her kids.

That is, until...

---

Both of these stories are true, and I know the ending.

The bigger question is... do you?

Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.” (Luke 14:12-14)

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:3)

why truth will tick you off

2010-12-08T10:33:00.000-08:00

The Truth will set you free.

But first... it will tick you off.

Let's face it...

we'd rather live a "don't rock the boat" life where we call the shots.

It's a nice boat.

Comfortable seats.

Full of the latest toys.

We've spent a lot of time filling it with things that soothe us.

Then again, while that boat may seem expertly built and secure...

that boat has a hole in it.

Sometimes we see it, and sometimes we don't.

Even weirder, sometimes we see it and pretend we didn't.

You know what I mean, especially about that last part?

So will we stay on the sinking Titanic where we are the "King of the World?"

Or...

will we accept the ladder that just dropped from the rescue offered above?

You know, out of all the courageous changes we must make in life...

this shift is the hardest.

For it involves confessing we are not God...

and He is.

We confess this not just with a head nod...

or the occasional appearance at a church service...

but with life change that we allow Him to power up in our lives.

Life change that affects everything.

Yeah, everything.

That's why truth will tick you off.

The upside, though?

It's momentum can tick you off of the sinking boat... if you let it.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (Jesus, John 8:32)

do you have dimples?

2010-12-03T21:57:00.000-08:00

I can't golf... at all.

Unless it involves a putter and a windmill. Or a mechanical alligator.

Ironically, I remember when I was asked to give a demonstration about how to hold and swing a golf club. It was in junior high, and I nailed the whole presentation. That is, except for the part where I forgot to actually show the class how to hold and swing a golf club. I did everything but that part because I got nervous.

Some days I still feel like I'm forgetting something important when I speak in front of people, such as in a Sunday morning church service or in a seminar I may be teaching. I keep thinking, "Who am I to speak? I'm flawed and foolish... what good could God possibly do through me?

I have learned one thing about golf, though, which is that what looks useless may actually have a purpose.

Case in point, those silly looking dimples that cover the surface of a golf ball minimize the air resistance it faces while traveling. In most cases, the ball will actually travel twice as far and as fast because of these bumps.

In other words, something that appears useless is more important than we realize.

As you look at your life, what bumps appears "useless" and "unnecessary?" I'm not speaking about sin, but rather odd aspects of your life that actually are of more importance than you realize. Do you feel "dimpled" in some way that actually is God's gift to you to use for his purposes and glory?

And if you do... what's it going to take for you to start using that as an asset for your Creator?

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." (1 Corinthians 1:27)

your title or your influence?

2010-11-15T09:03:00.000-08:00

I once worked in a job where I feared for my job... everyday. And I wasn't alone.

It wasn't because of the economy, and it wasn't because we were all bad employees.

It was because our boss was insecure and came across like a lion to everyone. He was someone who only cared about the idea of success than in creating the environment for it.

I've been in the exact opposite situation, though. I've served in church staff teams where we were so inspired by the character and direction of our main leader that we climbed over ourselves to be a part of what he was up to.

It's the difference between transactional relationships versus transformational relationships:

Transactional relationships:

You focus on what needs to happen.
You're concerned with the appearance of non-failure.
You spend your time one-upping each other.

Transformational relationships:

You focus on who each person is becoming.
You're concerned with the health of people.
You spend your time sacrificing for each other.

Every relationship, organization, classroom and work environment tends to run with one of these two models dominating. You can influence that, whether you're at the top or bottom of the totem pole.

T: Take the initiative in your own life first - become the person you want others to be.
R: Raise your eyes - set your focus on things above versus things of the earth (Col 3:1-4)
A: Ask others questions - find out who they are and what they're most concerned about in life.
N: Nurture conversation - set up regular lunch times where everyone gets together to chat.
S: Say the mission - don't just nod your head at what's on the wall, but use it in conversation.
F: Face people - don't multitask during conversations (close the laptop and turn off your phone).
O: Own mistakes - if you know you did something wrong, apologize right away.
R: Raise standards - stop using the phrase "That was good enough."
M: Mind your mind - introduce people to new thoughts and ideas that can lead to change.

In the end, you will influence others either out of your:

Title: Parent, spouse, employer, employee, customer, teacher, student, pastor, tither, guest, regular, etc
Influence: Your integrity, your passion, your relationship with God, etc

So... what is your next step to create healthy people instead of yet another power play?

The most important [commandment],” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:29-31)

is it on purpose or on accident?

2010-11-12T08:53:00.000-08:00

Admit it - you like giving others a hard time (even though you know you shouldn't). Other times you may do it without realizing how others are receiving it. For example:

Maybe you enjoy giving little kids a hard time (Kid: "I'm hungry." You: "Hi, Hungry! Glad to meet you." Kid: "STOPPPPPPP!")
Perhaps you bring up old conversations whenever you see people ("Hey! It's 'Scary Toes!' Hey everyone, this one time Sheila was wearing flip flops and her toes were all dirty. Scary!")
Quite possibly you take shortcuts with names that other people haven't asked you to (Person: "Hi, I'm Nicholas." You: "Hey Nick! How are you, Nick?")
It could be that you're the "Yeah, but..." person in every conversation, email or online post. (Person: "...which is why that's why I feel as strongly about that as I do." You: "Yeah, but how about this...?")

Most of this has less to do with a conscious effort to anger others and more our own way of blowing off steam or processing life. Still, even though we'd claim "That's just who I am" that doesn't mean it's who you should be.

Just a question - how is your attempt to not feel annoyed by life actually annoying others?

"Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by a fool is heavier than both." (Proverbs 27:3)

feeling happy?

2010-11-10T03:38:00.000-08:00

San Francisco has banned the Happy Meal, on the day of the return of the McRib no less.

The city is prohibiting fast food restaurants from including toys in children's meals if they don't meat nutritional guidelines. The city's board voted 8-3, which means the city's mayor can't veto it.

No toy is allowed if the meal crosses any of these lines:

If the meal has trans-fat.
If the meal is over 600 calories.
If the meal has 35% fat calories.

The rules go into effect in December of 2011.

Of course, this is a controversial story. We can debate whether or not it's wise to no end.

What intrigues me most, though, is that the city recognizes the impact of subtle things that create bad habits or ideologies for the long haul.

I wonder... where else does this principle apply?

What else makes us feel happy... even when it isn't good for us?

one or the other isn't a choice

2010-11-08T12:17:00.001-08:00

Every person seeking to honor God deals with the tension of seeking to honor people instead. Pastors are no exception, especially since each week we step up to bat and attempt to share truth in a world full of opinions.

One way I deal with this is to pretend that every Sunday is the last sermon I'll ever preach. It helps me remember that one day this will be the case (as morbid as that sounds), but also that in the meantime I can't put on the mask of doing what sounds politically correct at the expense of being biblically sound. If I truly care about Jesus Christ and other people, then I need to make the most of that opportunity (and every other opportunity in every day, for that matter) to share what's important with the people I love.

Preachers must always try to feel what it is like to live inside the skins of the people they preach to, to hear the truth as they hear it. That is not as hard as it sounds because, of course, they are themselves hearers of truth as well as tellers of truth, and listen out of the same emptiness as the people do for a truth to fill them and make them true. - Frederick Buechner

It's not easy... but easy is deceptive. The very presence of tension, conflict, and trouble could be a sign that you’re right where you need to be doing exactly what you need to be doing. Yesterday was no exception for me, especially since I exhaled some uncomfortable truth.

And so I wanted to write a word out there to my peers who wonder sometimes if the "Monday blues" (the potential to feel down after feedback or insecurities pop up) are worth it.

This is from Rob Bell and his talk "Poets, Prophets and Teachers"

When you bring the fresh Word...

when you stand up in the midst of your community after prayer, study...

in community you've discussed this...

and you bring a new word and you've got others around you that are resonating...

there is a chance that you won't be understood.

There is a chance that you are speaking something that some can't see.

When you give a sermon you open yourself up to...

misinterpretation and confusion and anger and ignorance and blogging and fear and jealousy and opinions and evaluation and critique and agenda and baggage and convictions and projections (and this is way more about them than about you)

and at the exact same moment you are also opening yourself up to the possibility of....

truth and light and hope and repentance and desire and compassion and longing and revolution and confession and inspiration and comfort and solidarity and salvation and resurrection.

And when you do this...

you don't get to pick one or the other.

You want the one?

Then you've got to be willing to take the other.

presence for africa

2010-11-01T08:52:00.000-07:00

Starting this morning, I'm on a five day meal plan of rice and beans only.

No... it's not a new fad diet. It's something sacrificial I'm doing for some orphans and friends in Africa. I want to invite you to join on in, or at the very least read about it. My church family is all over this, and we'd love your support so we can make a huge impact on the other side of the globe.

Click here to find out more: http://connectionchurch.org/africa/

take a risk... and face the possible consequences

2010-10-28T11:59:00.001-07:00

Take a risk.

By definition, I'm talking about something you have little to no control over.

For example, next week I am taking a risk of only eating rice and beans. For five days, this will be on my plate at every meal. With only water to drink, I am hoping to understand what some of my friends in Africa deal with every day. Likewise, the money that my family normally spends on groceries will redirect into feeding orphans in Kenya.

It's a risk. Nutritionally... financially... relationally... spiritually.

With so many options in life, though, you have to choose how you're going to grow.

Take a risk relationally, and you face the possible consequence of it blessing your life forever... or breaking your heart.
Take a risk artistically, and you face the possible consequence of applause... or unappreciative critics.
Take a risk financially, and you'll face the possible consequence of generously blessing others... or becoming focused on the "next buck after that."
Take a risk on food, and you'll face the possible consequence of finding your new favorite dish... or a trip to the bathroom.
Take a risk on entertainment, and you'll face the possible consequence of seeing life through a new lens... or getting sucked into something that waters down your standards.
Take a risk on protesting, and you'll face the possible consequence of changing the world... or becoming an angry, shallow person.
Take a risk on exercise, and you'll face the possible consequence of better health... or find yourself caught up in the way your body (and other bodies) look or don't look.
Take a risk on God, and you'll face the possible consequence of the life you've always wanted... or life continuing to be hard (but at least you'll have Him to rely on).

Take a risk... and face the possible consequences.

You may end up right... you may end up wrong... but either way you live on purpose and grow in ways you never would have before.

all personal feelings about LeBron James aside...

2010-10-26T06:09:00.000-07:00

Every one has an opinion about LeBron James... including those who don't have an opinion of him.

Maybe that's why this new commercial is so intriguing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdtejCR413c

yesterday, today, and infinity

2010-10-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

Interesting...

60% of Apple’s sales are from products that didn't exist 3 years ago.

http://www.asymco.com/2010/10/19/60-percent-of-apples-sales-are-from-products-that-did-not-exist-three-years-ago/

Which raises the question... what are you doing today that you think matters, yet won't be doing tomorrow?

Unless it's eternal, it's temporal.

a treadmill you can't keep up with

2010-10-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

It's been said that what you attract people with is what you have to use to keep them interested, constantly outdoing yourself over and over again with a slightly more twisted variety of the last version you produced.

Kind of like a treadmill you can't keep up with.

Perhaps you've seen this in the world you live in, as something as simple as a lie to get attention can quickly become about telling another lie... and yet another.

My oldest son observed that the "second movie" in a franchise or the "second season" of a television series is often a bit darker than the first. As if the creators need to throw out even more crazy things to get the attention of viewers than before.

That kind of lines up with an intriguing New York Times article I read on Miley Cyrus and her latest career maneuvers. Maybe you heard about her infamous "strip pole" segment at the Teen Choice Awards some time ago, but that's only scratching the surface.

You might think that it would be worried, overprotective mothers who would rebel against the overt sexualization of the teenage star Miley Cyrus, who became a pop phenomenon as Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel hit show. But no. It’s the young girls who think Ms. Cyrus has gone too far. And many of them are moving on.

[ READ MORE ]

This post isn't really about Miley Cyrus, though. It's about you and me.

Have you ever considered how much energy you spend trying to keep people impressed and interested in your life? How much of it is surface level, smoke and mirrors?

How much of it is legitimate because something you're allowing something legitimate to happen in you?

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." (Philippians 4:8, MSG)

when your i.q. replaces your q's

2010-09-28T14:13:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed how easy it is for us as people to live our lives amazed at our own brilliance, never letting anyone speak truth and hard love into us? Rather than asking new questions that might reverse old conclusions, some people live in the comfort that they can't possibly be wrong.

This honestly breaks my heart... for a teachable spirit is more useful in life than an arrogant one. It creates bridges instead of fences; it invites wisdom versus arrogance.

Of course, the second I think I have this right in my own life means I've crossed that very line.

Quite the intriguing tension.

On which side will you tend to live?

Some truths will be learned by foresight and revelation; some truths will be learned by hindsight and tribulation. Most of the time, you choose the path... but it requires humility and a teachable spirit versus arrogance and a sense that you're wiser than everyone else.

Which will you typically run with?

a reality check regarding young men and their impact on young women

2010-09-17T20:15:00.000-07:00

Here is piece of an interview from Relevant Magazine.with Mark Driscoll, pastor of Mars Hill church in Seattle. Take note of this particular gut-wrenching slice regarding young men in our culture and the way their auto-pilot lives impact young women:

You’ve talked a lot about twentysomethings today living in a sort of extended adolescence. Why do you think that is?

I think, in particular, it’s young men. Perhaps to some degree it is young women as well, but we’re finding more women are getting better grades, more women are graduating high school, more women are graduating college, more women are buying homes, more women are doing things that are more adult and responsible. We’ve created this. It’s a sociological category. It used to be you go from “boy” to “man,” and now you go from “boy” to “guy” to “man.” There is this whole new creation of a “guy.”

It’s just extended adolescence, where 20s, 30s, sometimes even in his 40s, he doesn’t really want to get married, doesn’t really want to have kids, doesn’t really want to pursue a career. He has a lot of hobbies, got a lot of buddies, watches a lot of porn, gambles, has a lot of fun, maybe plays in some band or is in a guild of World of Warcraft, or something ridiculous like that. And they’ve even got little [mottos] like, “It’s all good” and, “Bros before hos.” It’s just this whole adolescent, juvenile culture. Kind of the Adam Sandler-esque view of life, and there is this whole genre of comedy movies built around these kind of inept, irresponsible, immature guys, and I think part of the problem is, as well, that the Church in large part has accommodated that.

Those guys tend not to go to church. If those guys do show up at church, it’s usually just to find a couple of gals to break the commandments with. And the Church doesn’t really know what to do with them, so the least likely person in America to go to church is a guy in his 20s who is single. Without knowing what to do with those guys, they commit crimes, they get women pregnant, they’re a drain on social services, they don’t raise their kids, they don’t contribute to church, they’re not getting ready to lead the next generation. I’d say it’s nothing short of a crisis, it’s a real problem.

What do you think has created this “guy” phenomenon?

Part of it is the unintended consequences of divorce. Forty percent of kids go to bed at night without a father. Not to be disparaging toward single moms, but if you’re a single mom and you’re working 60 hours a week, and you’ve got a boy, and he’s home all by himself with no parents and no dad, he’s just going to be hanging out with his buddies, feeding himself pizza rolls.

The number one consumer of online pornography is 12- to 17-year-old boys. What that means is he’s home eating junk food, drinking Monster energy drinks, downloading porn, masturbating and screwing around with his friends. That really doesn’t prepare you for responsible adulthood. That’s a really sad picture, especially if you’re a single gal hoping to get married someday. You’re like: “Seriously, that’s the candidate pool? You’ve got to be kidding me.” That’s why 41 percent of births right now are to unmarried women. A lot of women have decided: “I’m never going to find a guy who is actually dependable and responsible to have a life with. So I’ll just get a career and have a baby and just intentionally be a single mother because there are no guys worth spending life with.”

september 11: opinion versus compassion

2010-09-10T12:34:00.000-07:00

"I am troubled by the fact that this coming Saturday, September 11, our focus will be turned from an event that altered the course of history to a publicity-driven clergyman in Gainesville, Florida, and a location two blocks from "Ground Zero" that may or may not become the site of a Muslim mosque... Sure, in both cases, they most likely have the right to do what they propose, but why...?" - H.B. London

Every one has an opinion about this, and I'm not writing this post to stir up more.

It's been argued that much of the ruin in this world has come about by religious people. I wouldn't disagree. I'd also add that plenty of agnostics and atheists have left a bad mark in history as well.

Of course, that's limited logic. After all, great advances in the world have come about through those who authentically walk with God. Likewise, well meaning agnostics and atheists have contributed to the flow of His will as well without even believing in Him.

Is that really the issue or argument of this moment, though?

Cross rises from the rubble of World Trade Center

I am spending a few moments here to more remind us all of what it means to the 3 out of 10 Americans who personally know someone who died during the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001.

An empty chair around a dinner table.

A once real relationship with someone who is now a memory.

A medicine chest that hasn't been altered in nine years because "that's the way he/she left it."

A young child who is now nine years older and without his/her parent(s).

Perhaps we can keep talking about book burning or mosque building, but I'd argue the best thing we can do right now is to watch archived footage of that day, letting the chaos of that moment wreck us again. And to not move on to quickly but to consider how ruined we would be if those around us were suddenly gone from such tragedy. And as we are hypothetically hit by that, to then extend true compassion and prayers to those around us whose real tragedy we're ignoring with publicity-driven stories.

Then... and only then... after your heart has reengaged on this level... then let's enter into September 11th.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NF_khJV6a3E

Here's something I pieced together just days after that happened. I hope it serves you in remembering what the real issue is.

becoming a connector

2010-09-09T14:34:00.000-07:00

We all see dots in this world that seem disconnected. It's because they are... inside of us, around us, and between us.

A "Connector" is someone who steps up to this opportunity.

Someone who takes the seemingly ordinary and helps people see the extraordinary in them... to help those who are asleep in their own indifference to wake up to a deeper reality than what they've perceived... to see the fingerprints of God in a world full of fig leaves that cover Him up.

The secret of being a "Connector" in life, home, family, friends, church: Letting God shift what is happening in you so you can shift the momentum of what’s happening around you through the abilities, skills, and attitude He's placed within you.

Want to to change everything around you in a moment?

Let God change everything in you in this moment.

and now, I must pray...

2010-09-07T20:38:00.000-07:00

I've been busy as of late, within my relationship with God, my kids, my church, and finishing writing another book. Needless to say, I've not written much here, so I want to reclaim this discipline.

And I want to start with a prayer:

Lord,

May I become surprised this week at the true character of who You are beyond my current understanding of You...

May my wife be blessed with strength and wisdom beyond her means to discern life as she concentrates so much energy in a day on the rest of us...

May Joshua be strong and courageous; may Daniel have faith in the lion's den, may Johanna know and overflow that you are gracious...

May my family now and forever love and serve You, Lord...

May Your church that I serve break through the barriers of doubt, sin, holding back from giving, and "me-centered living" that even solid Christians get tempted by...

May my/our faithfulness become the stuff that people talk about in our area to the level that "church" as a word gets redefined...

May You use my voice into the community through public channels and private conversations to stir up a renewed way of thinking...

May every place I go be left not with the memory of me but the memory of what You told someone in that moment.

And may the miracles we occasionally hear about and read about become more frequent in our midst, from renewed marriages and households to the wild supernatural stuff that can't be explained.

In Jesus' Name and for His glory, Amen.

-- Praise: God, thank You that even now as I was writing out this prayer for my wife You spoke to her and moved her to come down and talk with me with the very wisdom I was writing out in that prayer request. Just that alone affirms my faith in You to do so much more than what I ask or imagine. You rock.

congregations gone wild

2010-08-11T11:16:00.000-07:00

According to the New York Times, more and more pastors are suffering from burnout... from "congregations gone wild."

Intriguing title - and an even more intriguing article.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/08/opinion/08macdonald.html?_r=3&th&emc=th

self-revelation: the unique shape of the cross I carry

2010-08-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

I've always known that I am a question asker... prodding people to consider things they are blind to or choose to be blind to. Even within the realm of faith, I've had people push me away because the version of Christianity they settled for was much more comforting that the one prescribed in the Gospel. I've also had people ask me things that have helped me realize my own blind spots... which has, in turn, helped me ask better questions instead of sit in the easy chair of my conclusions.

Today I realized the imagery of my role in this world - namely, that it is a strange thing to bear a cross shaped like a question mark (and yet that seems to be the one I bear).

Playing with this a bit...

The hook is intended to help me reach higher than I currently am. After all, if I'm not growing how can I help others see something I've not seen?
The sideways planks remind me to help people up instead of beat them down. It's all about a journey of community... together.
The little dot at the bottom is a mini-trampoline to give others the encouraging boost they may require to see how much bigger God is than they've labeled Him, which in turn helps them see their lives as much larger than the version they're living in.
The foundation it's all on needs to be a stable one... otherwise even the best hook reaching and bouncing will simply cave in.

Hmm... now to put all of that into play again today. And to potentially be shooed away yet again.

(By the way, this is no way implies I am trying to replace the actual cross, nor am I starting up a new movement or book deal. I am merely playing around with what I see in my life and it seemed like an artist's rendering may have helped me get a better visual. So hit delete on any fundamental hate mail - thanks.)

the window when ministry really happens

2010-07-28T20:46:00.000-07:00

Wondering where ministry "really" takes place? Consider these thoughts in an article I wrote for Life In Student Ministry:

http://www.studentministry.org/the-window-when-ministry-really-happens-time-out/

poor placement

2010-07-27T22:43:00.001-07:00

I saw this ad in the paper last week, and of course (being the smoothie guru I am) I was drawn to the picture of McDonald's new smoothies. And yet as soon as my mouth started to drool, I found myself feeling cautious about them. I wasn't sure why until my conscious mind caught what my subconscious mind had taken in... the headline about cancer.

Consider - in one thought, I was processing "McDonald's Smoothies" with "Cancer" at the same time.

Have you ever considered how the people or things you've surrounded yourself with can kill a real good thing you're trying to impact others with?

It's that smell of the garbage can that kills the aroma of dinner.
It's that mistake you made that overshadows the achievements you've recently accomplished.
It's that friend on Facebook who hijacks your posts with sarcasm.
It's that one leader in your midst who gives all other leaders a bad reputation.
It's that person who used to be in your job and blew it, causing everyone to think you will, too.
It's that pattern of recklessness that makes people laugh when you try to say something serious.

A question - what's the great idea in your life that is getting linked to "cancer" on some level?

Maybe it's time for some surgery.

discussing the hurdle of faith after high school

2010-07-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

A number of people advocate that we shouldn't guide kids anything at all when it comes to their faith. The theory is that when kids want to know they'll ask. Until then we should keep our hands off.

Others, though, see this issue through the same lens as they do other things kids need to know about the world. It's why they say, "Do your homework, even if it's a struggle" or "Let me teach you something about life you don't know even know to ask about." By bringing it to the young person, he/she has a chance to dialogue about faith and its alternatives growing up versus not having this experience at all.

What's intriguing is that in both cases there comes a point in adulthood when an emerging adult needs to decide what they will do with what they have or haven't been offered from their parents and other adults.

I had a great chat with a number of great thinkers and question-askers recently about the hurdle of faith after high school. It was all apart of an online talk forum I hosted for Tim Schmoyer of Life In Student Ministry. It even tracked back to how we invest into kids all the way up to teenagers.

Some key thoughts from the show:

Churches face a temptation to “throw a college” ministry at emerging adults. Perhaps because it’s easier to push large group environments that feel like candy versus mentoring that isn’t quite as glamorous and marketable.
Emerging adults are finding community elsewhere – in drinking a beer or a fraternity/sorority. We need to ask “Why?” Is it because these environments are more appealing to “let them be where they are today?”
Our trend as a church is to draw people to a maturity level they aren’t at. Do emerging adults struggle with this?
We need to destroy the idea of a finish line that ends at high school and move it at least four years further. Even then, it’s not a true finish line but more of a point where we have helped shape an understand of what self-feeding Christianity looks like and how they can contribute into the state of the church (and it’s plans for ministry).
Success is perhaps best defined in terms of identity – a young person finishing high school or college and knowing with conviction how they are a son or daughter of God.
Some of the greatest stories of us doing this well almost always involve a person or two who checked in on emerging adults semi-regularly to remind them who they were and wanted to become.
We need to see church as a family and not as a program.
One idea: Start to paint a picture of this early on during elementary years – what it looks like to become an adult who is walking with Christ in a healthy way and turning around to invest into the next generation; utilizing “identity based” curriculum during the last two years of high school; helping the church know “who” has graduated and what is next for them so that they don’t become a statistic; and so on.

Check out the full audio here:
http://www.studentministry.org/the-hurdle-of-faith-after-high-school-podcast/

a word of wisdom for frustrated twenty-somebodies

2010-07-08T13:31:00.000-07:00

Here's a great post by Adam McLane Solid advice for twenty-somebodies feeling frustrated with the work force they can't seem to get into.

Or... can they?

http://adammclane.com/2010/07/07/jobs-and-millenials/

born on the fourth of july, fifty years later

2010-07-03T22:17:00.000-07:00

You never know the amazing impact that can come out of your life... especially if you are a teenager with vision and happen to live in Ohio.

http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/happy-50th-birthday-stars-and-stripes/19537928

conan o'brien's spin on larry king

2010-06-30T14:22:00.000-07:00

"Larry King’s retiring after hosting “Larry King Live” for 25 years. Personally, I think hosting anything longer than 7 months is overkill." - Conan O'Brien

Read more about Larry King's retirement here:
http://www.examiner.com/x-704-Pop-Media-Examiner~y2010m6d30-Larry-King-show-to-end-after-25-years-nearly-50000-interviews--Piers-Morgan-to-step-in

loving our neighbor as we love ourselves

2010-06-26T17:12:00.000-07:00

You really learn a lot about a town and its people by cleaning its gas station and restaurant bathrooms.

Then again, you really learn a lot about yourself, too, and what it means to serve as Jesus served.

From the strangers we may never see but served today at the Waffle House and a whole line of gas stations, it's quite joyful and amazing to love your neighbor as you love yourself.

Or as one of my sons put it as we were scrubbing away in a gross restroom, "Dad, I'm not sure why, but I really feel good doing this kind of stuff. Like it just sort of makes sense."

Maybe because his quote tracks back another, "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet." - Jesus, John 13:14

dealing with critics

2010-06-24T20:52:00.000-07:00

Pardon my crassness, but criticism sucks.

I mean that in the way you think I mean it, but I also mean that it can suck the life out you if you let it.

If you let it.

I've been reminded of this raising up my boys and trying to help them realize that another kid's thoughtless comment doesn't need to define their thoughts about themselves. Then again, how many of us adults struggle with that very issue? A wise man once said, "If your critics control you, you're defeated."

So here are a handful of thoughts on how to respond to the critics in your life:

Decide in the moment who will ultimately be the loudest voice in your life.

For me, this is God Himself. There are so many promises to claim, but as Jesus Himself said, "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." (John 10:27) This means that I spend time consider His promises to me, I remove the authority from the critic... because ultimately he/she only has as much as I give him/her.
Respond... don't react.

Too often we let the critic determine the timetable, be it from their egging on or immature actions. Don't let their sense of urgency create one in you... rather, choose to respond at the right time.

"A man's wisdom gives him patience;it is to his glory to overlook an offense." (Prov. 19:11)
Be open, having a positive spirit.

There is tremendous gain when you confess your obvious short-comings, so affirm any valid concerns that are brought up and share (with a positive spirit) your own sense of self. "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Provers 15:1)
This doesn't mean you need to agree with the details of what is shared, but the spirit behind it. For example, "I don't know if we see eye to eye on everything you're saying, but I do think we see eye to eye on why you're bringing it up. Is this about your desire to see ________ succeed?"
Take the initiative to reconcile.

There is no need to turn a situational rift into relational murder. Step up and into awkward moments so the "elephant in the room" that everyone is ignoring doesn't destroy you, then, and everyone around.

That awkward first conversation? Have it... and then move on to a slightly less awkward second conversation. And then an even less awkward third conversation, and so on.

Of course, there are times when a hard-hearted person had to be handed over to God for discipline. But it's in our nature to jump to that step without putting in the hard work of loving someone who has persecuted us. Isn't that what the Gospel is about? Isn't that what Jesus has modeled to us?

You may not be able to help being criticized.
What you can help is to not be controlled by it.

give and take

2010-06-03T22:11:00.000-07:00

We all know that every healthy relationship is two-sided, but what we may not recognize are the ways we tend to make them unhealthy and one-sided. Some of us are great takers and awful givers, while others enjoy giving but become too prideful to receive the care others hope we take. This can be true of every relational environment we're in, be it where we live, work, play, or volunteer.

Consider how in your life you may take part in the following attitudes and actions that may ultimately derail your connections from being a two-way street:

Unhealthy "takers" tend to struggle with:

"You represent a way for me to get ahead."
"Unless you give me praise or a raise, I have no interest in sticking around."
"Where's the clock? Because that determines how much effort I put forth and when."
"Is the spotlight on me? Good... now let me do something good."
"Good enough is good enough."
"If I overlook something, someone else will sweep up after me."
"I'm sure somebody will take care of that."

Unhealthy "givers" tend to struggle with:

"Do this for everyone else, except for me."
"When are you going to realize what I did for you?"
"You decide... whatever makes you happy."
"How can you criticize me when you have no clue about all that I do around here?"
"Well, I don't really have time to talk... but... okay."
"Fine, I'll do it. Argh!"
"I can't remember why I started doing this in the first place."

As you can imagine, all of this creates a disconnect in communication, emotional distance, unrealistic expectations, control issues, and a lack of true intimacy with those around us.

A glimpse at the first few chapters of the Bible remind us that we were created to give and take, from the food we take care of and eat to relationships where mutual sacrifice matters. Aim for this balance in all things, knowing that there may be seasons of life where you need to do one more than another.

To be able to have it all, you gotta be able to give back. To be able to give back, you need to be able to receive it all.

thinking on your feet

2010-05-28T07:05:00.000-07:00

Consider this story about a college football team whose starting quarterback had just been injured. Their #2 quarterback was sick, so he hadn’t even dressed for the game. All the coach had left was a third-string freshman who had experience as a quarterback in high school but was used to being used as a punter on this team.

To make matters worse, the team was backed up on its own third-yard line. It was a desperate situation, and the coach’s only thought was somehow to get a little farther from their goal line to give them room to punt out of danger.

Sending in the third-string quarterback, the coach said, "Son, I want you to hand off to the big fullback Kowaski for the next two plays, letting him run right into the middle of the line to get us a few yards of breathing room. Then I want you to punt."

The young quarterback did as he was instructed. On the first play he handed off to Kowaski, but almost miraculously Kowaski found a hole off tackle and ran for 50 yards. The young quarterback called the same play again, and once more (miracle of miracles), the hole opened again and Kowaski gained another 45 yards. The fans went crazy. In two plays they had gone 95 yards and the ball was on their opponent’s 2-yard line. It was first down and goal to go!

Confidently the team lined up once again. The young quarterback received the snap, then stepped back to everyone’s amazement, and punted the ball into the end zone. As his stunned teammates came off the field, the coach angrily grabbed the young quarterback and demanded, "What in the world were you thinking about when you called that last play?" The quarterback answered, "I was thinking what a dumb coach we have."

----

Perhaps you find that story ridiculous, for indeed it is. It's actually not as far-fetched as you may imagine, for many professional coaches today do not expect their quarterbacks to make decisions.

And yet I wonder... where in your week are you most tempted to be passive instead of active? What are the areas of life that you don't intentionally engage the moment and merely go an auto-pilot?

Granted, there is something to be said about when we need to follow someone's instructions literally. I've heard stories about soldiers whose lives were saved because when their commanding officer told them to "hit the deck" they ducked away from something they couldn't see (but their C.O. could).

The greater question, then, is are you able to not only follow instructions... but are you able to follow the POINT of those those instructions?

maximizing media in ministry

2010-05-14T12:12:00.000-07:00

Someone recently complimented our church on the choices we make in a service to look at a core truth from a variety of angles. She picked up on the massive forethought that goes into these decisions, as it is something I spend time on. However, that wasn't always natural nor easy for me... especially since it's so easy to depend on the medium versus the Message.

Recently I shared about this in an article I wrote for Youthworker Journal. If you're in a position like I am, may my hindsight help create some foresight for you.

http://www.youthworker.com/digital/issue/2010/may/pageflip.aspx

See page 34-35

an insider's knowledge of facebook

2010-05-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it helps to know the back story.

[Source: Online PhD Programs for MashableMashable.com]

word to your mother

2010-05-09T00:13:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard of the woman who hated Mother’s Day?

According to the Toronto Star, there was such a woman.. and she started it all. If you think the spirit of Mother’s Day has been spoiled by the commercialism of cards, flowers and once-a-year sincerity, you stand united with the woman credited with giving us the annual event.

Anna Jarvis, a West Virginian woman, was so horrified by what the holiday she helped create in 1914 turned into that she spent most of her later years campaigning to have the second Sunday in May removed from the calendar as the day to honor your mother.

In the end, Jarvis lost the fight. The woman, who was never a mother herself, exhausted her financial resources and ruined her mental health in that fight. She died alone in 1948 in an asylum at the age of 84. Just before her death Jarvis told a local reporter: "I devoted my entire life to Mother’s Day and the racketeers and grafters have taken it over."

In 1914, Jarvis spearheaded a campaign to help persuade U.S. president Woodrow Wilson to set aside May’s second Sunday as a national day for recognition. She orchestrated a letter-writing campaign to him, lobbied influential politicians and clergymen, and distributed brochures arguing about the importance of a national day for mothers.

Jarvis’ cause came from admiration for her recently deceased mother, Anna Maria, and others like her who had been an inspiration. But by the early 1920s, she was sickened by the commercial circus she had helped create. She felt the day had nothing to do with celebrating the real achievements of women.

Jarvis spent her latter days crashing floral company conventions to protest and urging card companies to give the money they made from Mother’s Day to the poor. At one Mother’s Day convention where flowers were being sold she was arrested for disturbing the peace. She even launched a lawsuit to stop a Mother’s Day festival from being held.

This only drives home the point that the things we start up may become something we never intended them to be. From casual conversations we begin that soon become negative gossip sessions to baby steps into temptation that creates a noose around our neck, consider the impact of that next thing you're pushing for.

unfortunately, this is true

2010-04-24T23:41:00.000-07:00

Leadership magazine cites how a man named Mark Russel spent a year interviewing people in his community who no longer attend or take part in a church. He writes:

Most people left church not because they had a deep theological problem with something like the virgin birth or the resurrection of Christ.

They left because people in the church have the tendency to be small and mean and couldn’t deal honestly with their own sins or the sin of others. As one man put it, 'People in the church were more invested in the process of being right than in the process of being honest.'

Ouch.

Unfortunately, this is true.

And I'd like to do something about it.

Starting in me.

I'm going to try an experiment this week of speaking the truth in love, more than I think I already might. Meaning, I won't be trying to water down awkward moments but will simply go for it. And I will be asking others to speak some of that my way as well - including you.

It reminds me of something my wife once said. When she was a camp counselor, the head of the camp told his staff that if they ever wanted to hear an honest summary of what he saw in them... potential as well as stuff they needed to work on, they could set up an appointment and have that conversation.

Not too many people took him up on it.

So let me know if you want to be a part of that experiment... or if we should avoid each other for the next week and pretend like we're being honest.

watch your speed, because neil armstrong is

2010-04-22T20:22:00.001-07:00

Just when you thought no one was looking, and you were getting away with it... BAM!

Satellites to issue speeding tickets from space

Something tells me that we're closer to that creepy future in Minority Report than we think.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBaiKsYUdvg

fight the funk

2010-04-16T13:11:00.000-07:00

The other day I was in a bit of a funk. I'm not really sure it was anything internal, but I was feeling the burden of the people around me. It really weighed me down, and I found myself broken and literally weeping for their pain. It got me to the point where I was too exhausted to even eat dinner, and barely got through bedtime with the kids before collapsing into sleep around 9pm (early for me).

You don't need to worry about me, I am totally fine now. But that day I wasn't.

The sleep I ended up in started out as prayer... I decided it probably wasn't a good idea for me to do much else but talk with God. I first dropped a minor comment on Facebook about it, but quickly realized I needed more than what human interaction could offer. So I prayed... and it ended up becoming a rest that cleared my spirit.

The book of Lamentations is full of this kind of holy venting - sort of like a cross between social media and prayer. But listen to what is written here in the midst of all the pain:

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'" (Lamentations 3:22-24)

I know sleep can do wonders, but I also sense there was something about falling asleep in prayer. It allowed me to wake up more than physically refreshed, but spiritually refreshed, too.

Because let's face it - pain can suck the Life out of life, be it your pain or someone else's pain. And at some point you need to get back to doing what you do. Get back to the business of being a parent, sibling, friend, blue-collar or white-collar worker, and so on.

So that morning I woke up and determined to fight for the opportunities in my friend's lives, even if they weren't able to. It's certainly not a quick-fix solution, but it is biblical direction. Some days it's easy to get so focused on yourself or others that you forget God has given you a purpose within all of that.

Today, if something has you down, I want to say to you:

Feel it, then...
Pray it, then...
Release it, then...
Overcome it.

If that means a tough conversation you've been putting off, pony up and have that conversation. Or if it's time for you to get some spiritual depth you need that you think you're just not disciplined enough to have, dig deep and get over your apathy.

Get back to the God-given purpose of your life.... with God. If that needs to start with exhaustive prayer, then pour out your heart so that He can refill it to the brim with something that will powerfully overflow.