(Yes, the dog photo bomb is legendary.)
This is our Christmas tree, post-Christmas. There's a large box for each member of the family, ready to be filled by the other family members and opened on New Year's Day. Each person puts into the box an object that can represent a fun memory from the past, or something that symbolizes the person in some way, or a gift of time into the new year. As each person opens theirs, they guess at who gave them what. That person then shares why they gave the gift.
Here's a photo of two of the gifts I received - one is from my 18-year old who said that the next time it snows in Minnesota (which can be pretty much anytime) he'll cover it. The other is from my 16-year old son -- it's a paper clip from the church I pastored in Ohio. When we moved, he grabbed it as a random symbol of our time there... something that to him has meaning. He wanted to pass it on to me so I'd draw meaning from it, too.
I share this as it underscores a relational health value I hope to continue and are you to somehow capture with yours... one thing that is worth doing with your family (and something I've put on my top ten list of things I don't regret doing over the past decade.)
3. I don't regret parenting and spousing intentionally and relationally.
Everyone has a philosophy on raising kids (including those who don't have kids). On one hand, parents do need to launch them out of the house. And yet you don't want to miss slowing down together every day in some way as they are under your roof.
For me, it's meant a daily conversation with each kid - even a short one - where I try to impart an intentional blessing/encouragement or a word of recognition into who they are. With distractions, discouragements and temptations pulling at our family members from all directions, they need a safe circle where than can be celebrated as well as confess their struggles. Every time we speak something specific and life-giving into each other, it's like building protective walls of love, brick by brick, we can live in together and better face the world as one.
It also means family time each week, and turning phones/TV/devices off during it. And vacation time, even if it's at home, where we do things together. (Last week, we played a 3 hour game of Monopoly. The next day, they wanted to do it again. I wasn't up for the game, but I was up for time with them. No regrets... get what I mean?)
My wife and I have continually looked for the perfect, consistent way to have a "date night." To be honest, this is harder than I want it to be. So some weeks it means lunch out together. Other times it's ordering food in for her and I to watch a movie upstairs while the kids do something downstairs. I want to keep working on this and coming up with more solutions than excuses.
This idea of a "blessing" of yourself and your words is something you can also do with your extended family members. While it may not be daily, it can be powerful to from time to time send a specific life-giving word or gift of time into their lives. And if for some reason you have no household or extended family in your life, there's likely a good friend or neighbor who could benefit from this.
I draw this from Genesis 3:20, where the Bible records "Then the man—Adam—named his wife Eve, because she would be the mother of all who live." Keep in mind, this happened after the tragic story of the two of them eating the fruit they ate as a rebellious act. Which means that when they were held accountable to it, and were down and out together, Adam chose to name his wife what was good and possible instead of what was flawed and in the past. Boom!
I'm up to three on my top ten list. I'd encourage you to keep going on yours if you haven't.
But remember, celebrate even the fact that you're reading this. That's a win. Keep it going with a next step, even if it's just one more.
(And if these are blessing you, share the blessing by inviting others in your circles online or otherwise. There's room for more! The link is tiny.cc/2020reset)
Together,
Tony Myles
#2020Reset
