something to pay attention to

These statistics describe pastors, but I would argue that more than pastors should pay attention to them. If you're in a church (or are looking in at one from the outside), listen up.

According to the Pastor Care Network:

• 80% of pastors believe ministry has negatively affected their families.
• 33% say that being in ministry is an outright hazard to their families.
• 75% report a significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry.
• 50% feel unable to meet the demands of the job.
• 70% say they have a lower self-image now than when they started.
• 40% report a serious conflict with a parishioner at least once a month.
• 70% do not have somebody they consider a close friend.
• 50% have considered leaving the ministry in the last three months.
• 50% of those who go into full time ministry drop out in five years.
• 94% of clergy families feel the pressures of the pastor’s ministry.
  

And according to the Jan/Feb issue of The Christian Examiner, between 1,400 and 1,600 Christian leaders leave the ministry every month. {2004}

The Alban Institute estimates that 17% of pastors are experiencing burnout. A study of one major denomination concluded that less than one-third of its pastors were happy in their work. Another 30% were "deeply ambivalent" about ministry. And 40% described themselves as "heading for burnout."

the long pause

Recently I have found myself intentionally taking more "long pauses."

Do you know what I mean? When someone asks me an important question, instead of quickly responding I just wait a few moments and become "mannequin man." It's a bit creepy to my wife when I do it, but usually necessary because of the topic. I actually didn't notice it until she started pointing it out to me, but I do know why I do it in the first place.

I'm not who I was.

When you take "the long pause" you are saying that you are considering more than your first (perhaps carnal) reaction to something. And by that I don't mean you do it because it's academically a good idea. You do it because you feel the weight of the possible consequences regarding that particular choice - and so every option and "what if?" is considered, reconsidered, and then considered again.

Of course, this can work against you if "the long pause" becomes "the long stop." Some worry so much about the burden of their decision that they never make one.

Now that I know I'm doing this, I myself and others doing it in a lot of places. Just recently I saw it on TV show when a (fictional) military leader had to make a key decision. There was no dialogue for several minutes - just the long pause. And then I saw it yesterday as my hands froze over my computer keyboard before I started to respond to a very tender issue.

The general promise of this is that you will find your relationships becoming healthier. Unfortunately, it doesn't always turn out that way if you are dealing with someone who is more reactionary. Still, you do stand a better chance of guiding even that kind of chaos forward if you can keep a handle on keeping a handle.

I invite you to pause, reflect on that, and respond.

what I learned from Disney World: Leadership edition - pt 5

Continuing the series, here is part five of 7 things I learned from Disney World: Leadership edition. (Part five "Personal Edition" can be found here)

Day 5: Animal Kingdom

Icons matter.

On the drive into Animal Kingdom, I began to look forward to seeing Disney's Tree of Life. This larger than life spectacle sits dead center in the biggest of all the parks, with the rest of the attractions rotating around it. Animal shapes carve out its exterior, seen in better detail as you get closer to it.

As I said in my last post, I was already missing the castle of Magic Kingdom. However, I began to remember from a visit 9+ years ago that there was something kind of intriguing about this symbol. I couldn't put my finger on it until I realized I'd felt this way about every park we went to.

Icons matter.

The expectations of people who come to Walt Disney World seem to be arguably higher than when they do anything else in their life. It's not about the money or the vacation factor - Disney promotes itself as more than a normal theme park - it's its own world of wonder that captures hopes and imagination and finds a way to make them tangible. Parents become kids again, and kids seem to stay kids longer.

I think this is what the icon of each park represents... a physical and visual anchor of what you hope to experience in that environment. The castle is "magical" and adventuresome; the Epcot ball is intriguing and unifying; the hat in front of the Chinese theater shows the many hats Disney wears in entertainment; and the tree of life has an earthy quality that makes you remember the natural resource the world is.

I've started looking around home, work, and play to consider this:

• What in my house represents "home" to my family? Is it the soft red blanket everyone craves when they're feeling sick or tired? Or the purple door on the front of our house that accents our landscape? Perhaps the "A warm Myles welcome" sign in front?
  
  
• Around our church, does the color scheme play into how people feel when they walk in? Is our use of crosses too little or too much? How about the people I see take communion on weeks we don't take it all together - is there something important about always making it available?
  
  
• Where I play, does the recreation center family locker room represent more than where my boys and I swim every week? Will they have fond memories of that smelly chlorine smell, not because of its odor but because that's "dad" time?
  

Never underestimate the power of icons. What you see as a piece of matter, may in fact matter to someone else and give them peace.

- Part 6 coming up.

what I learned from Disney World: Leadership edition - pt 4

Continuing the series, here is part four of 7 things I learned from Disney World: Leadership edition. (Part four "Personal Edition" can be found here)

Day 4: Magic Kingdom - Pt 3

Strangers will bond as friends against the organization.

This was our last round at the Magic Kingdom, and so our trip in was less keyed into the park and more into the people around us.

My wife shared with me how she overheard a couple on the bus talking with the driver about how they were scamming Disney. Apparently they'd learned that if you tell the front desk that you have medication that needs to be cold, they will give you a free refridgerator for your room. They'd also learned that there was a lady who would shop for them locally, so they obtained $100 in groceries and paid her $15 to do it... and they kept it all in their free Disney fridge. As they boasted about it, the driver congratulated them on their sly behavior. Others around also took note of their other tips (which I won't mention, because I'm not sure they are ethical either).

I saw this sort of mentality all throughout my visit, though. Guests would take joy whenever they could cheat Disney out of a buck, and they'd bond in telling one another how to do it. I'd watch perfect strangers go up to one another and say, "Buy this over there instead of here" or "Order off the menu this way." It was as if we all assumed it was our goal to exploit Disney versus enjoy Disney.

I wonder - have you ever bonded with another person by being against something or someone instead of for someone or something? In the churches I've served in, I've seen this when a group of discontented people get together and bond by venting their frustrations. There's nothing of substance there, but when opinions gather their amplification makes it feel justified.

So I simply ask - are you bonding with someone in rebellion? Or maybe you're feeling its effects on the other side. In either case, call it for what it is.

Maybe Disney deserves it when people cheat them. Or maybe they don't.

It's ironic, because the next morning a Disney employee told me that the three small cartons of milk I was buying cost more than if I bought a half gallon. I would get this each morning so our boys could eat cereal in the room and we could (again) save a buck.

So I thanked her, thinking she'd helped me out in saving some cash. I'll never forget her response, and the way she delivered it.

"The way I see it, sweetie, we're going to get all of your money anyway before you leave." And then she laughed for a long time... or cackled... I couldn't tell which.

- Part 5 coming up.

what I learned from Disney World: Leadership edition - pt 3

Continuing the series I started this week, here is part three of 7 things I learned from Disney World: Leadership edition. (Part three "Personal Edition" can be found here)

Day 3: Hollywood Studio - Part 1

Not every guest is happy.

On this day of the trip, my family celebrated my oldest son turning eight. This meant a special character breakfast in the morning and a day at Hollywood Studios. Make no mistake about it, it was an amazing day.

There were two things that do stand out on the negative, though.

• At Pizza Planet (a restaurant based on a place in the movie Toy Story), I ordered lunch in a hurry to beat the rush of people coming in. When I got up to the counter, though, the order wasn't what was in my head (and I assume, what I actually told the cashier). So I had to backtrack and reorder what I'd missed. Given the line of people that began to form, the cashier began to show frustration through what I'd expected to be a solid Disney smile.
  
  As this happened, she had to refund the whole order to my Disney debit card... then I had to order it all over again. Apparently I couldn't just make an additional order... the whole thing had to be redone. If you've ever ordered a large meal for several people with specific preferences, you know this is no small task.
  
  
• Given a promotion Disney was running, we were given a gift card to spend on merchandise in the park. Naturally, my sons thought this would be a great chance to stock up on some Star Wars merchandise. Normally we wouldn't spring for the cost of something as expensive as a Boba Fett helmet, but the sign near it said it was on sale and we had the card to cover the rest.
  
  Only it wasn't on sale... at least, that's what we were told. I ended up talking with a manager who told me that while I had a decent argument about the sign's proximity to the merchandise and its inference about its discount, there was "nothing (he) could do about it." Apparently Disney locks even managers out of doing manual discounts on a cash register as a way to control customers who may try to haggle a sale they shouldn't have.
  
  I'd already told my son he could have the helmet, and I wasn't about to go back on my word as a dad. I let the manager know I didn't appreciate being put in that position, to which he again apologized... and that's all he did.

In both of these situations, I felt I was right. With ordering lunch, I'm quite sure I ordered it correctly and the sign in the store definitely baited me in to think I was about to get a deal. When I spoke with the people in charge, though, my discontent didn't change the policy. I know the customer isn't always right and people do abuse the system, but I was a bit surprised at how protective Disney was of their methodologies.

In hindsight, I realize that I shouldn't expect anything different, even from Disney. While they spend a large amount of effort trying to over-please their customers, they will not do so at the expense of losing themselves in the process. A line is drawn that says, "This is the happiest place on earth, but not everyone will be happy here all the time."

Throughout the rest of my stay I saw this in other people who also would have the occasional run-in with what they thought would happen versus what Disney said would be allowed to happen. Keep in mind, while each situation had a measure of discontent, I'd argue that each of these people (along with myself) still walked away thinking overall that Disney was for them in service.

Did you catch that? Not every guest gets what they want in each situation, but they ultimately get what they want in the overall experience.

So I've generated these questions to ponder:

• Do you know the difference between situational discontentment versus overall discontentment?
  
  
• Is there allowance in your household/organization for people to voice their frustrations and be met with a genuine, empathetic response?
  
  
• When does it make sense to change your policy to serve one person?
  
  
• When does it make sense to keep your policy to serve many people?

By the way... that morning I'd asked if Goofy could bring out my son's gift bag, but was told of another policy that says characters can't bring anything to the table.

And yet... Goofy did bring out his gift bag.

Hmm.

- Part 3 tomorrow.