i'll say it if no one else will

Watching sports regularly doesn’t qualify you to coach a professional team.

Viewing your favorite TV show each week doesn't qualify you to write its next episode.

Attending conferences doesn’t qualify you to be a keynote speaker.

That said...

What thing are you a regular part of that you are not qualified to speak into?

I'm not suggesting you shouldn't, nor do I mean to imply it's not a responsibility in your life somehow.

• Maybe it's your family, and you presume proximity equals intimacy... only as you speak into it you sound more like an annoyed neighbor than a reputable caregiver.
• Maybe it's your workplace, and you presume familiarity equals integrity... only as you speak into it you sound more like a seasoned faultfinder than a humble proponent.
• Maybe it's your church, and you presume sincerity equals clarity... only as you speak into it you sound more like a blind optometrist than an inspiring guide.
• Maybe it's your school, and you presume geography equals authority... only as you speak into it you sound more like an irate taxpayer than a genuine advocate.

What you're communicating, however you present it, is essentially this:

"I'll say it if no one else will."

Sure, maybe the reason it hasn't been said is because it needs to be said and no one has boldly stepped up to say it. That will often be what you presume.

Then again, maybe the reason it hasn't been said is because there are more important things that do need to be said. How clear are you on this?

Consider - "Was the silence there on purpose? If not, what is the best way to say what actually does need to be said and avoid what doesn't?"

That may not be what you wanted to hear today.

I'll say it if no one else will.

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate." (1 Corinthians 13:1, The Message)

your mind is made up

Let's face it - when it comes to many topics, your mind is "made up."

Today's theme (due to the press of a current Arizona bill sitting before its governor) was again homosexuality. It's such a hot topic that we always seem to circle back to as culturally, when in reality it's not just a conversation we should rapid-fire opinions into from any vantage point. Many people personally wrestle over this, which is something I didn't realize early on but have over the years. It's informed how I listen and speak into this, including noting how easy it is for any of us to claim we're being "open-minded" (from wherever you fall on this) without realizing that we're not as clever as we think.

As an example, I've spoken with people who take the approach, "That's why I won't ever go to church... because of the stereotypes I see in Christians on this topic." Without realizing it, that person has only created yet another stereotype about perceived stereotypes while taking steps toward becoming a stereotype themselves. Where is the fearless conversation, radical hospitality, Divine anticipation and genuine humility we all say should exist "out there" but we won't live out ourselves?

For that reason, I wrote something so I could own (and perhaps give you the same freedom to own) how much we tend to speak about things with our minds already "made up" - and perhaps allow them the chance to become "unmade" (the prerequisite for real transformation).

Here it is: http://youthministry.com/homosexuality-your-mind-is-made-up/

Hope you get something out of this. I wrote this to a specific audience, but I sense if you don't let that stop you it'll be a win.

love, love, love (and Chick-Fil-A)

Love is a fuzzy word. I hear it used all the time in many ways. Most of the time it's messed up.

I'm a pastor, and so I often am asked by people "How can I love God more?" or "How can I even think to love ________ with all they they do or have done?"  Recently I've seen the question posed if eating chicken at Chick-Fil-A implies a lack of love to homosexuals.

If you're unfamiliar with what's happening there or think you understand it, the bottom line is that all started with a company higher-up who said, "This is what we're about." Apparently you're not supposed to do that.

By the way - which company said that? It depends on if you like the Muppets or chicken sandwiches. Then again, maybe they both said that... and you just ran with your favorite.

Suddenly everyone is a critic and stereotyping one another. Those outside the church and those inside it are tense over it; even Christians are labeling other Christians and unknowingly dividing the Church in doing so. Everyone is blind/ignorant, except "you."

If you're asking, "Where is the love?" my response is "Exactly, but think about your question."

People use the word love to talk about the way they will regard another, such as a groom who tells his bride during the wedding, “I love you and will love you the rest of our lives.” Later that same groom when eating the meal at his reception says, “I LOVE this Prime Rib!” He does this not because he feels the same way about prime rib as he does his wife (insert joke about her being a "piece of meat" here), but because his culture has told him that's an acceptable way to use the word "love."

Perhaps we're not as clear on what love means as we think we are... we're taking our cues from the wrong place.

That's a big point, by the way, with more implications in your life than you may even consciously realize. Think about the last several times you used the word "love" - if a linguist were following you around to try to discover what that word meant, might there not be massive confusion?

A popular Bible verse quoted by believers and accusers alike in this type of tension is that "God is love." It's often sliced out of its context, which is something humanity seems a big fan of doing with the Bible. It's from John 4, so here's that verse including the verses before it and after it:

• Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
• Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
• This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

It's important to keep this in context, because it feels like the world's version of "love" is "Just be who you are and no one will try to tell you anything different." That sounds like something we publicly say we want to believe, but inherently don't want to believe. If you think otherwise, you need to reexamine all of the times someone in life told you that you couldn't get what you want. (Ever ask to "Speak with a manager?")

What you're inherently acknowledging in those moments is that a relationship should be interactive. We tend to think selfishly by nature, and so most people are working an angle for things to be interactive in their favor. We may pacify that by "fighting for the rights of others," but somewhere along the way we neglect what God is actually fight for - our inner/eternal health. His version of love (which is the only real version) is more than a "can't we all get along?" philosophy.

Take note of the verse before the famous one "God is love" one - it calls to attention that we are to receive and live this out. The third verse complements it, reminding us that God's love is not "zero tolerance" but transformational. God is Love and not mere love (note the capitalization) - He's the true Love that should inform the rest. Often we attempt to understand His love from our vantage point, demanding that He be okay with things we are: i.e. “Can’t you just accept everything and everyone without causing any trouble?"

Experiencing God’s love is a swarm of grace, but it's also a swarm of holiness, too. His love is as tied to Him as His justice is. Since God hates sin yet choose to love sinners, He offers us a model for how to live and relate. That's why the verse says "Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."

I could bust out a Greek work study on what the "agape" word for love means here, but my sense is you already get it. The love of God is more than human love that's more concerned with passive tolerance than growing interaction and spurring on. By dwelling in Him, we are led to transformation - much like how on a human level one person’s affection for another can help transform that person.

I am by all means a better man because I experience the love of my wife and kids daily versus if I was without their love in my life. They accept me for who I am, but at the same time expect greater things out of me. It's why I inherently know that the best response to their love is to be the man they need me to be versus saying, "Quit trying to get me to change. I was born lazy and in need of others to care for me, so I have no need to grow up and change."

Here's the other side of it, though. Imagine I was in a horrible accident and suddenly paralyzed or born with special needs I could never change in my own power. The love of my family would still extend itself to me in its purest form. They would care for me where I couldn't, bathe me if necessary and make sure their love became practical in every way possible.

Don't miss this, though - they wouldn't do it without sweat... they wouldn't even on the best day with the cleanest of motives still not wish I couldn't be more than I was in that moment... but they wouldn't stop loving me. If they found out I could have gotten up but just refused to there would be a tension we'd have to work through, though.

It feels like our version of love is missing this acknowledgement.

You are capable of saying yes to a God that can love us - not a passive one that leaves you as we are, but One who can transform you with the full weight of His power. The catch is we'd rather look for the loopholes than walk across that bridge. We seem to be more intent on arguing about what's right than we are in getting "right."

Maybe that's why it's easier for even Christians to attack each other with snarky comments that make one person's faith look more legit than another. Imagine what would happen if we instead all lived out legit Love that is full of grace and transformation simultaneously.... simultaneously... simultaneously.

God loves you. Let Him change your life and all that comes along with it. You'll end up growing in His direction, which does imply change. Don't be afraid of it or Him or changing on things "you'll never change on," but embrace what it means with all of His intended Life-giving nurturing. Perhaps along the way, learn to love others like He does... and not merely how they demand.

And if you want to take a stand for Jesus... wash the feet of someone who "doesn't get it."

"Love God, your God, walk in all his ways, do what He's commanded, embrace Him, serve Him with everything you are and have." (Joshua 22:5, The Message)

P.S. I'm planning on being at my local CFA for most of the day Friday to love on some random people protesting for the same reason I loved on the CFA manager I'm friends with by supporting him yesterday. It's possible to be for something without being against everybody. Hope to support what Jesus is doing in trying to do in a critic's life as much as I support what He's trying to do in a proponent's life. Otherwise my faith is one-sided and misses the point. Feel free to join me in trying to join Jesus.

reacting to life... or responding to Life?

This moment you are in right now is unrepeatable.
It is, though, absolutely memorable.

Will it be human-sized and full of what seems like random pleasure without regard to the Big Picture... or real, God-sized joy that will overflow into every moment of your life that follows?

Keep in mind, It's the difference between reacting to "life" or responding to "Life."

Here are a few words of challenging and encouraging counsel that are not my own, but I absolutely believe in:

"Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is.

And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God.

Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way."

(Colossians 3:2,5,17, The Message)

true transparency

True transparency doesn't need to defend itself - not because we believe we're right, but because we are open to how we might be wrong.

We may believe we're vulnerable because we share vulnerable details about our lives; however, unless you are open to correction such "vulnerability" is only another mask.

Remember this before you complain you're being judged or quickly tell someone, "Don't be a hater." Perhaps what you perceive as a false evaluation is simply something you're too chicken to hear.

(Spoken as one who wrestles with all of this on a daily basis. Let's grow through this together.)

"He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding." (Proverbs 15:22)

hate mail and blah, blah blah

This week I received my first official piece of "hate mail" regarding my weekly newspaper column. It just so happened that I got it after having written this week's article (but before it was published for him to read it) - ironically on the subject of how we as a culture have taken less to holding our tongue versus spewing out our grumpiness.

I know it's common to copy and paste things on Facebook, Twitter or blogs that shows how smart we are versus how dumb others are, be it politicians, co-workers, customers, local businesses or neighbors.

We are more apt to cry about feeling short-changed than we are to become the change we want to see in the world.

This is why I attempted to reach out to the person who wrote me, although I have not received any response. I honestly wonder if it's even a real email address or a manufactured one, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and ask to hang out locally so we can have a conversation about his feelings and thoughts.

I wonder if he'll take me up on it... or if he was merely interested in a drive-by blast.

Meanwhile, I have a favor... can you and I please become less interested in proving how intelligent we are and how idiotic others are? We get it - you're a Republican and Democrats are stupid; or you're a Democrat and Republicans are stupid; or you're an independent and everyone else is stupid; and so on.

And likewise, you were mistreated at a place of business... and they are dummies, dummies, dummies. Or you were offended that a church didn't meet your needs, because that's what they're "supposed to do."

I apologize for the edge, but not for what I hope it does in a surgical manner. We are accomplishing nothing by merely becoming recycle banks for derogatory content, and could instead use that energy to start something productive.

I heard something a couple of days ago that struck me - people complain about drug houses and gun houses in neighborhoods, but the reality is if you or I would have put something positive there instead they drug house or gun house couldn't have gone there.

Hmm.

So please read this week's article: If You Can't Say Something Nice

And... let's remember that we are capable of more than posting yet another "blah, blah, blah" rant or "hate these people with me" boycott that really does nothing to build bridges but only erects fences.

"A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions." (Proverbs 18:2)

a few too many spare ribs at the president?

Apparently, the "first family" made a big boo-boo. They're being accused of having double-standards when it comes to how they live and eat.

Read about it here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1358829/Obamas-double-standards-family-holidays-telling-Americans-to.html

First off, my comments as follows are not intended to be political ones. Let's be honest - most of the commentary on this stems less from the issue, and more if you voted for or against the President.

Again... be honest on this.

Then there is the issue itself, which is a hard line to walk... for us, and for the President.


On our end, we have to be cautious about what we see versus what actually is. I'm not a President, but as a pastor I often have people looking at my choices without context. For example, I once had a family in the church tell me that they didn't think I should have taken my family on a vacation because they "pay my salary" and weren't in a position to take a vacation themselves. (Ironically, I paid for the vacation through a writing job I took on.) It's like the old joke that says, "I don't mind what kind of car a pastor drives, as long as it's worse than mine."

We do this with politicians and celebrities all the time. There is a standard we hold them to, and in some ways... rightfully so. On the other hand, we don't realize how hard it is for someone to be a President, let alone to have their kids under the pressure of public scrutiny.

A friend of mine is in the public eye and recently made a decision to switch jobs. The online chatter about it is nothing short of viscous, which I'm hoping the family hasn't read or heard. Comments as petty as, "Who did _____ have sex with to get that job?"

Seriously.

And... seriously?


On the President's end, he does need to exercise healthy judgment. The choices he makes will speak louder than the speeches he gives. Granted, no one knows what it's like to be in his shoes - even past Presidents had unique circumstances that made their jobs unique. Many got wore down fast - just look at President Bush's physical weariness after 9/11.

Yet none of that is an excuse to go off the deep end. Even splurging needs to have boundaries, whether you stretch to turn your McDonalds sandwich into an "extra value meal," or decide to upgrade your rental car experience to include satellite radio. I'm not sure we know enough about the Obama's private financial information or nutritional plan to know if their splurge is a healthy one, or completely unhealthy.

Per Michelle's choices, they are unfortunately amplified - she has taken a public stance on something, and therefore has invited the criticism. Maybe this is why people are afraid to look decisive anymore... we've become a culture that is ready to pounce instead of encourage. Ever thought how that plays out in your life?

Perhaps the Obama's have double-standards after all... or maybe their standards are just like our own that we refuse to see. Again, have you ever splurged on something... only the camera crew wasn't there to capture it? Or if someone did witness it, are you sure they understood your choice?

Granted, sometimes our splurging isn't healthy. I struggle to see people spend money on addictions, such as tobacco and liquor, instead of getting their household into a healthier place. It can even be in our entertainment choices - we may spend way too much money on cable, movies, or our cell phone features.

We're quick to defend our sense of entitlements, though. But we need to take a better look at our own inconsistencies. It's one of the reasons why our church works hard to offer financial counseling and other support so that this doesn't have to be the case.

Yet as I stated earlier, too much of this particular issue is going to be filtered through our personal politics. For every, "Yeah, but..." you may offer, I simply ask, "Do you really know the context of their choices, or merely the coverage of it?"

After all, this isn't a post about the Obama family, nor Rush Limbaugh. That would be too easy. We could criticize them all day without ever having to change ourselves.

Because this is a post about you and I. Let's do some personal growing before we cast the first stone... and let's remember that we are quick to react instead of respond. Maybe we can stop "ribbing" on each other, for it gives us one less bone to pick.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3-4)

fight the funk

The other day I was in a bit of a funk. I'm not really sure it was anything internal, but I was feeling the burden of the people around me. It really weighed me down, and I found myself broken and literally weeping for their pain. It got me to the point where I was too exhausted to even eat dinner, and barely got through bedtime with the kids before collapsing into sleep around 9pm (early for me).

You don't need to worry about me, I am totally fine now. But that day I wasn't.

The sleep I ended up in started out as prayer... I decided it probably wasn't a good idea for me to do much else but talk with God. I first dropped a minor comment on Facebook about it, but quickly realized I needed more than what human interaction could offer. So I prayed... and it ended up becoming a rest that cleared my spirit.

The book of Lamentations is full of this kind of holy venting - sort of like a cross between social media and prayer. But listen to what is written here in the midst of all the pain:

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"  (Lamentations 3:22-24)

I know sleep can do wonders, but I also sense there was something about falling asleep in prayer. It allowed me to wake up more than physically refreshed, but spiritually refreshed, too.

Because let's face it - pain can suck the Life out of life, be it your pain or someone else's pain. And at some point you need to get back to doing what you do. Get back to the business of being a parent, sibling, friend, blue-collar or white-collar worker, and so on.

So that morning I woke up and determined to fight for the opportunities in my friend's lives, even if they weren't able to. It's certainly not a quick-fix solution, but it is biblical direction. Some days it's easy to get so focused on yourself or others that you forget God has given you a purpose within all of that.

Today, if something has you down, I want to say to you:

• Feel it, then...
• Pray it, then...
• Release it, then...
• Overcome it.

If that means a tough conversation you've been putting off, pony up and have that conversation. Or if it's time for you to get some spiritual depth you need that you think you're just not disciplined enough to have, dig deep and get over your apathy.

Get back to the God-given purpose of your life.... with God. If that needs to start with exhaustive prayer, then pour out your heart so that He can refill it to the brim with something that will powerfully overflow.

perspective and worry

My almost-nine-year old son is sick today... as am I.  We're talking uncontrollable coughing, feeling chilly and hot all at the same time, and a bunch of Kleenex on the ground.  Thankfully, I'm feeling functional but know that he's really wrestling with what this has done to his body.  Quite a few times today he's looked at my wife and I and asked us a question without asking it.

"Am I going to be okay?"

Do you know what that look looks like? 

Of course, we're doing what we can do to make him feel better.  We've offered him healthy food, special vitamin packed smoothies, a hot shower and bath, comfortable clothes, favorite TV to watch, and more.  And yet... the look still continues to pop up.

"Am I going to be okay?"

At least once he's had a meltdown, and I don't blame him.  It's been hard for me to be ill, and I have a greater perspective than he does on it. 

That's kind of my point, actually.

A leader is someone whose job it is to absorb the worry of another person or situation, give it context, and then share the new perspective right back out.

Which raises the question... what happens when you don't have context yourself for what life throws your way?

• Cliches: We begin to let shallow thought pose as deep thought instead of letting deep thought speak to deep issues.
• Religion: We begin to define how God works instead of letting Him define how He works.
• Forgetfulness: We begin to let the loudest voice overcome the small voice instead of letting a still, small voice within us overcome the loudest voice.
• Panic: We begin to let circumstances define us instead of letting circumstances refine us.

I wonder... what perspective do you need to develop now for the next leadership moment you will be asked to face?

the long pause

Recently I have found myself intentionally taking more "long pauses."

Do you know what I mean? When someone asks me an important question, instead of quickly responding I just wait a few moments and become "mannequin man." It's a bit creepy to my wife when I do it, but usually necessary because of the topic. I actually didn't notice it until she started pointing it out to me, but I do know why I do it in the first place.

I'm not who I was.

When you take "the long pause" you are saying that you are considering more than your first (perhaps carnal) reaction to something. And by that I don't mean you do it because it's academically a good idea. You do it because you feel the weight of the possible consequences regarding that particular choice - and so every option and "what if?" is considered, reconsidered, and then considered again.

Of course, this can work against you if "the long pause" becomes "the long stop." Some worry so much about the burden of their decision that they never make one.

Now that I know I'm doing this, I myself and others doing it in a lot of places. Just recently I saw it on TV show when a (fictional) military leader had to make a key decision. There was no dialogue for several minutes - just the long pause. And then I saw it yesterday as my hands froze over my computer keyboard before I started to respond to a very tender issue.

The general promise of this is that you will find your relationships becoming healthier. Unfortunately, it doesn't always turn out that way if you are dealing with someone who is more reactionary. Still, you do stand a better chance of guiding even that kind of chaos forward if you can keep a handle on keeping a handle.

I invite you to pause, reflect on that, and respond.

just in case you were ticked off today

About a month ago, Facebook changed its format (again). The response wasn't pretty - people formed groups on Facebook that protested Facebook (which is a bit ironic). There was incredible whining - threats of boycotting and going back over to MySpace... which again, was ironic, since most people who were came to Facebook did so since they were frustrated with MySpace. Since Facebook flustered some folks this winter with a change in their privacy policy, the company decided they might need to throw everyone enough bones to squash the overall frustration. So they did - a few changes were made, and most everyone quieted down. Keep in mind, most of the new changes remain... but are perhaps just better hidden.

Then there were the events of last week. Over one million, empty, red envelopes poured into the White House mail room from concerned pro-life American citizens. Coordinators expect that number to double, as the envelopes are intended to symbolize the innocent blood shed through abortion. Simply called The Red Envelope Project, it's the idea of a Massachusetts man, Christ Otto, who wanted a visual expression of his moral outrage over President Obama's position on abortion. March 31 was picked to mail the envelopes so they would be delivered near the beginning of Holy Week.

It's kind of fascinating to see the way people who are frustrated handle their frustrations. Some follow great steps - like someone who emailed me last week about an issue they cared about. Others, though, play games that exhaust everyone involved:

• Some become activists - they organize every friend and former classmate from second grade to protest; they call all the newspapers and use every opinion page; they show up to town meetings and point their fingers at whomever is behind the desk; they make web sites or blog on existing ones; they talk a lot about the way things "are supposed to be," because they are die-hard proponents of that concept (whatever it is) - which can sometimes be productive, and other times be very unproductive.
  
  I've done this. Have you?
  
  
  
• Some become demolitionists - they decide to talk about people versus talk with people; they gossip out of perception versus fact; they wait with imaginary catcher's mitts to hear the next words out of someone's mouth so there is something new to examine, cross-examine, triple-examine, write snarky one-liners in response, make snarky pictures in response, and produce snarky YouTube videos in response; they bring other people around them down in how they think about a person/group/issue, sometimes without even realizing it.
  
  I've done this. Have you?
  
  
  
• Some become invisible - they avoid addressing the frustration at all costs - they use caller ID to screen every conversation that has a hint of challenge in it; they never return messages; they only go places the person they are in tension with is guaranteed not to be; at best, they may write letters and emails or TXT messages to appear engaged in productive conversation but will never talk on the phone or in person no matter how hard the other person tries.
  
  I've done this. Have you?
  
  
  
• Some become diggers - they take the stuff that frustrates them and bury it down deep somewhere in soil that is actually quite thin - it's not gone, but just out of sight; until they use that same shovel to dig it back up - just a little bit - when the opportunity comes up to say something about someone... and they maximize the opportunity to say "just enough" about that person to sway another person to their perspective (I think this is why such things are called "digs" toward another person).
  
  I've done this. Have you?
  

I wonder how much time we have wasted - yes, WASTED - playing games when we could have instead spent that time reconciling with the people in our lives, coming together around Jesus Christ, and then pursuing the things that matter most.

Can you identify?

Admittedly, I am a naive optimist when it comes to working things out with people in my life whom I have tension with. The Scripture calls us to pursue one another, and so I "foolishly" do, often wearing my heart on my sleeve - right or wrong. I know this sort of refusal to wear the usual fig leaves makes me appear naked, but I won't/can't give up on the relationship. Because of what Jesus has done in my life and because of my love for them, I refuse to play the usual games we hide behind.

And yet...

and yet...

and yet...

consider these words of Jesus:

Then Jesus told them this parable: "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? (Luke 15:3-4)

Notice that He speaks about a willingness to leave the sheep that know better behind for the sake of pursuing the lost ones who don't.

No, go back and read that again. Do you see it?

That breaks my heart. I don't want to leave anybody behind, and I don't think it's the shepherd's preference either.

But the story is about priorities. Where will we spend the bulk of the energy - on a search and rescue for the lost sheep or on keeping the 99 feeling happy?

By the way, "lost" sheep can be spiritually lost, relationally lost, or lost in many other ways.

But when it's a "found" sheep? The shepherd expects it to stay in community... to know better.

Let me tell you a little secret about yourself that you have forgotten.

You are originally heroic by nature.

You are probably trying to do the right thing.

But sometimes you don't....

sometimes you fail...

sometimes you play games.


So how do we stop doing this with the people in our lives?

With each other?

I think the answer to that question begins with some confession most of us aren't willing to make.