outsiders are not on the inside

Everyone has an opinion, but you don't have to listen to every opinion... especially if God has already spoken.

Via Nehemiah 2, as the Israelites begin to rebuild the walls of their city after being in exile for years, a lot of outsiders begin to share comments and feedback. I love Nehemiah's response:

But when Sanballat, Tobiah, and Geshem the Arab heard of our plan, they scoffed contemptuously. “What are you doing? Are you rebelling against the king?” they asked.

I replied, “The God of heaven will help us succeed. We, his servants, will start rebuilding this wall. But you have no share, legal right, or historic claim in Jerusalem.”

You will regularly hear from many people who have something to tell you about how you should change what you're doing. Perhaps you should listen to them... or perhaps you shouldn't even slow down to give them a moment of your time.

It all comes down to who is doing the speaking versus if God has already spoken.

If God has given you or a group of people together seeking Him a recent clarity versus you feeling tickled by something that you have yet to understand, protect that. Just be careful - because you may mistake one for the other and assume you have a clear mind. We like to think when we're hearing from God that no one else is... but we also have to protect what God has told us as His people to do.

May you live in both humility and conviction. May you not assume that if He has spoken to you that He hasn't also spoken to others, but may you also follow through on what God has spoken to you.

Outsiders are not on the inside...

but the Holy Spirit always is.

everybody

"Everybody's been saying..."

"A lot of people think..."

"I've heard many people who..."

A big mistake you can make in managing input is believing a handful of opinions is everybody's opinion.

And... remember...

everybody's opinion is not God's conclusion.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways... for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)

bulletproof?

You know this image, even if you've never seen it before.
 

It's from 1923... a glimpse of bulletproof vest testing.

It also may metaphorically be a picture of your job... your  family... your friendships.

The question is...

which person in the picture are you most like? 

Consider how you grew up. Consider how things play out in your life today.

Whether things could be labeled "healthy" or "dysfunctional," who are you in this picture?

In what ways are you counting that things are bulletproof?

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:10-12)

criticism inhales

Criticism inhales. 

I was going to use the word "sucks" for "inhales," but you may have taken that the wrong way... hence, my point.

So I'll stick with "criticism inhales." It actually communicates the point with a better word picture.

Unless, of course, you disagree. Feel free to critique that (and prove the point even further).  

Criticism inhales... because when you inhale, you take in whatever is in front of you in order to process it internally, silently keep what is worth hanging onto and publicly exhale what you don't want to hang onto.

Think about it.

Consider Tom Clancy's spin on criticism as added commentary:

"No matter what you or anyone else does, there will be someone who says that there's something bad about it. Whenever somebody comes up with a good idea, there's somebody else who has never had a good idea in his life who stands up and says, 'Oh, you can't do that...'"

– Interview with Inc., 1995

I've seen this almost my entire life among friends or in meetings. Someone brave enough to share something out loud is immediately critiqued for it. If the creator asks the critic, "How about you give me an original idea of your own?" the response is often back-peddling.

Because, let's face it - it's easier to inhale than it is to inspire. 

(Once again, feel free to substitute the word "suck" for "inhale" in the previous sentence.)

One more thing...

before you go thinking this has everything to do with your critics...

I'd encourage you to consider how it applies to you being an inhaler yourself.

Yes, you.

P.S. Isn't it odd how often we ask people to just inhale us for who we are, not at all considering what we're asking them to inhale?

criticizing a critical spirit - a.k.a. #RickWarrentips

Today I saw an interesting trend on "the Twitter" - a hashtag for #RickWarrenTips. This clickable link was full of minute-by-minute ribbing of Rick Warren, a noted pastor and author.

Because, you know... that's helpful.

While it was intended to be tongue-in-cheek, perhaps there's more to it than that if you think about the ripples. My sense is it all started when he posted this:

"New churches: Buy land as soon as you can but
delay building for as long as you can.
Can't explain a the reasons here." - Rick Warren

Admittedly, Warren created a limited post. In fact, content like this made me initially put off using "the Twitter" because I didn't like the idea of trying to cram a complete thought into 140 characters... there are times more needs to be said. However, I have in the past two years found a purpose for using "the Twitter" and now try to use even its limitations to hone my limited writing skills.

(Notice how I still call it "the Twitter.")

Today when I saw the Rick Warren topic trending, I wrote:

"#RickWarrentips (Watching this trend. After 3 weeks of being ripped on by people myself, I am unable to contribute. Please starve this one.)"

There are undoubtedly many opinions about Rick Warren. While some would argue he's a solid guy, others would say he's not solid enough. Have fun debating that one and let me know who wins.

What I would offer is when we jab at a minister, we jab at the culture of ministry altogether. After all, the more we make someone a caricature, the less we have to give valid credit to how they're trying to grow our character. And the less we value what comes through a person of God, the less we value hearing God speak to us.

Maybe no one has thought that far ahead yet.

The upside? Rick Warren proved his integrity by jumping in on the ribbing himself, using the very hashtag that prompted it. Perhaps we'll celebrate that... or perhaps he's like that kid who was given a nickname he didn't ask for and would rather laugh among his peers than say "Ouch." Either way, I appreciate and respect his spirit.

Meanwhile, one more observation...

It's odd how you and I insist that everyone else remember we're real people with real feelings... that they just need to give us grace for our shortcomings. Yet we seem to have no problem commenting on the perceived gaps we see in others.

P.S. Note the word "perceived."

P.P.S. Close your eyes and imagine a group of people commenting on you with all the unfair, negative perceptions they've formed about you. Get deep into those negative feelings. Now open your eyes and bring your best self to live differently in how you talk about others in public and in private.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

love, love, love (and Chick-Fil-A)

Love is a fuzzy word. I hear it used all the time in many ways. Most of the time it's messed up.

I'm a pastor, and so I often am asked by people "How can I love God more?" or "How can I even think to love ________ with all they they do or have done?"  Recently I've seen the question posed if eating chicken at Chick-Fil-A implies a lack of love to homosexuals.

If you're unfamiliar with what's happening there or think you understand it, the bottom line is that all started with a company higher-up who said, "This is what we're about." Apparently you're not supposed to do that.

By the way - which company said that? It depends on if you like the Muppets or chicken sandwiches. Then again, maybe they both said that... and you just ran with your favorite.

Suddenly everyone is a critic and stereotyping one another. Those outside the church and those inside it are tense over it; even Christians are labeling other Christians and unknowingly dividing the Church in doing so. Everyone is blind/ignorant, except "you."

If you're asking, "Where is the love?" my response is "Exactly, but think about your question."

People use the word love to talk about the way they will regard another, such as a groom who tells his bride during the wedding, “I love you and will love you the rest of our lives.” Later that same groom when eating the meal at his reception says, “I LOVE this Prime Rib!” He does this not because he feels the same way about prime rib as he does his wife (insert joke about her being a "piece of meat" here), but because his culture has told him that's an acceptable way to use the word "love."

Perhaps we're not as clear on what love means as we think we are... we're taking our cues from the wrong place.

That's a big point, by the way, with more implications in your life than you may even consciously realize. Think about the last several times you used the word "love" - if a linguist were following you around to try to discover what that word meant, might there not be massive confusion?

A popular Bible verse quoted by believers and accusers alike in this type of tension is that "God is love." It's often sliced out of its context, which is something humanity seems a big fan of doing with the Bible. It's from John 4, so here's that verse including the verses before it and after it:

• Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
• Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
• This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

It's important to keep this in context, because it feels like the world's version of "love" is "Just be who you are and no one will try to tell you anything different." That sounds like something we publicly say we want to believe, but inherently don't want to believe. If you think otherwise, you need to reexamine all of the times someone in life told you that you couldn't get what you want. (Ever ask to "Speak with a manager?")

What you're inherently acknowledging in those moments is that a relationship should be interactive. We tend to think selfishly by nature, and so most people are working an angle for things to be interactive in their favor. We may pacify that by "fighting for the rights of others," but somewhere along the way we neglect what God is actually fight for - our inner/eternal health. His version of love (which is the only real version) is more than a "can't we all get along?" philosophy.

Take note of the verse before the famous one "God is love" one - it calls to attention that we are to receive and live this out. The third verse complements it, reminding us that God's love is not "zero tolerance" but transformational. God is Love and not mere love (note the capitalization) - He's the true Love that should inform the rest. Often we attempt to understand His love from our vantage point, demanding that He be okay with things we are: i.e. “Can’t you just accept everything and everyone without causing any trouble?"

Experiencing God’s love is a swarm of grace, but it's also a swarm of holiness, too. His love is as tied to Him as His justice is. Since God hates sin yet choose to love sinners, He offers us a model for how to live and relate. That's why the verse says "Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."

I could bust out a Greek work study on what the "agape" word for love means here, but my sense is you already get it. The love of God is more than human love that's more concerned with passive tolerance than growing interaction and spurring on. By dwelling in Him, we are led to transformation - much like how on a human level one person’s affection for another can help transform that person.

I am by all means a better man because I experience the love of my wife and kids daily versus if I was without their love in my life. They accept me for who I am, but at the same time expect greater things out of me. It's why I inherently know that the best response to their love is to be the man they need me to be versus saying, "Quit trying to get me to change. I was born lazy and in need of others to care for me, so I have no need to grow up and change."

Here's the other side of it, though. Imagine I was in a horrible accident and suddenly paralyzed or born with special needs I could never change in my own power. The love of my family would still extend itself to me in its purest form. They would care for me where I couldn't, bathe me if necessary and make sure their love became practical in every way possible.

Don't miss this, though - they wouldn't do it without sweat... they wouldn't even on the best day with the cleanest of motives still not wish I couldn't be more than I was in that moment... but they wouldn't stop loving me. If they found out I could have gotten up but just refused to there would be a tension we'd have to work through, though.

It feels like our version of love is missing this acknowledgement.

You are capable of saying yes to a God that can love us - not a passive one that leaves you as we are, but One who can transform you with the full weight of His power. The catch is we'd rather look for the loopholes than walk across that bridge. We seem to be more intent on arguing about what's right than we are in getting "right."

Maybe that's why it's easier for even Christians to attack each other with snarky comments that make one person's faith look more legit than another. Imagine what would happen if we instead all lived out legit Love that is full of grace and transformation simultaneously.... simultaneously... simultaneously.

God loves you. Let Him change your life and all that comes along with it. You'll end up growing in His direction, which does imply change. Don't be afraid of it or Him or changing on things "you'll never change on," but embrace what it means with all of His intended Life-giving nurturing. Perhaps along the way, learn to love others like He does... and not merely how they demand.

And if you want to take a stand for Jesus... wash the feet of someone who "doesn't get it."

"Love God, your God, walk in all his ways, do what He's commanded, embrace Him, serve Him with everything you are and have." (Joshua 22:5, The Message)

P.S. I'm planning on being at my local CFA for most of the day Friday to love on some random people protesting for the same reason I loved on the CFA manager I'm friends with by supporting him yesterday. It's possible to be for something without being against everybody. Hope to support what Jesus is doing in trying to do in a critic's life as much as I support what He's trying to do in a proponent's life. Otherwise my faith is one-sided and misses the point. Feel free to join me in trying to join Jesus.

do you see what I see? who cares?

A friend of mine shared online: "Pointing out someone's flaws doesn't make you any more perfect. I know some people who do this."

People do this for many reasons, but I've learned there are two typical motivations:

1) Insecurity. They reason, "If I can push others down, then I come across as more successful/powerful/better as a person." The problem is this is false logic - exposing other people's flaws may take the spotlight off of yours for a moment, but it doesn't make your flaws disappear. Hence, the cycle continues.

2) Good intentions with bad application. They reason, "We should all be in a better place than we are, so I'll make sure others know what I think they need to be doing." The problem is this is more critical than constructive, but because it starts out with good intentions the person doing it may not see how he/she comes across. Hence, the cycle continues.

The only solution is to receive the genuine grace and genuine holiness of Jesus Christ - not one over the other, but both simultaneously. In this way you will experience unconditional love (so you can give it) and unconditional inspiration (so you can grow). Most of the time critics point out things in other people who haven't asked for it, but this approach makes you the kind of person others want to be like because they see Christ being formed in you - not just you whipping around good standards to impose on others.

This distinct difference can even be overlooked by regular church attenders, which is why we come across as hypocritical to the world. Christianity is surrender to Christ... not just trying to support His standards or be like Him. Many who call themselves Christians try to be what they think God wants them to be... BUT not as many (unfortunately) surrender their whole loves to God - they end up holding areas of their lives back from Him. By keeping that inner world from being transformed, they end up focusing on the "outer world" and try to look the part of a Christian while making sure others look the part, too.

There are a lot of people who are religious and can talk some good "Jesus talk" but haven't yet been born again and transformed. Their blind spot and hurdle is that they think they have.

Jesus often criticized the Pharisees for doing this in His culture. We may not have Pharisees around today, but we sure have those who just ask "What would Jesus do?" and do that alone... so they appear moral. But they don't ask, "God, what am I holding back from You, and how might I give that area over to You,. too? What action step do you want me to sacrificially take next?"

We all need accountability in this. Otherwise we try to be our own eye doctor... with blurry eyes.

No wonder so many of us walk around with "moral glasses" that we've self-prescribed - that only makes everything we see and point out blurry... only we think because we have the glasses on our sight is clearer than anyone else.

And then what happened? Well, when Israel tried to be right with God on her own, pursuing her own self-interest, she didn't succeed. The chosen ones of God were those who let God pursue his interest in them, and as a result received his stamp of legitimacy. The "self-interest Israel" became thick-skinned toward God. Moses and Isaiah both commented on this: Fed up with their quarrelsome, self-centered ways, God blurred their eyes and dulled their ears, Shut them in on themselves in a hall of mirrors, and they're there to this day. David was upset about the same thing: I hope they get sick eating self-serving meals, break a leg walking their self-serving ways. I hope they go blind staring in their mirrors, get ulcers from playing at god. (Romans 11:6-8, The Message)

dealing with critics

Pardon my crassness, but criticism sucks.

I mean that in the way you think I mean it, but I also mean that it can suck the life out you if you let it.

If you let it.

I've been reminded of this raising up my boys and trying to help them realize that another kid's thoughtless comment doesn't need to define their thoughts about themselves.  Then again, how many of us adults struggle with that very issue?  A wise man once said, "If your critics control you, you're defeated."

So here are a handful of thoughts on how to respond to the critics in your life:

• Decide in the moment who will ultimately be the loudest voice in your life.
  
  For me, this is God Himself.  There are so many promises to claim, but as Jesus Himself said, "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." (John 10:27)  This means that I spend time consider His promises to me, I remove the authority from the critic... because ultimately he/she only has as much as I give him/her.
  
  
• Respond... don't react.
  
  Too often we let the critic determine the timetable, be it from their egging on or immature actions.  Don't let their sense of urgency create one in you... rather, choose to respond at the right time.
  
  "A man's wisdom gives him patience;it is to his glory to overlook an offense." (Prov. 19:11)
  
  
• Be open, having a positive spirit. 
  
  There is tremendous gain when you confess your obvious short-comings, so affirm any valid concerns that are brought up and share (with a positive spirit) your own sense of self.  "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Provers 15:1)
  This doesn't mean you need to agree with the details of what is shared, but the spirit behind it.  For example, "I don't know if we see eye to eye on everything you're saying, but I do think we see eye to eye on why you're bringing it up.  Is this about your desire to see ________ succeed?"
  
  
• Take the initiative to reconcile.
  
  There is no need to turn a situational rift into relational murder.  Step up and into awkward moments so the "elephant in the room" that everyone is ignoring doesn't destroy you, then, and everyone around.
  
  That awkward first conversation?  Have it... and then move on to a slightly less awkward second conversation.  And then an even less awkward third conversation, and so on.
  
  Of course, there are times when a hard-hearted person had to be handed over to God for discipline.  But it's in our nature to jump to that step without putting in the hard work of loving someone who has persecuted us.  Isn't that what the Gospel is about? Isn't that what Jesus has modeled to us?

You may not be able to help being criticized.
What you can help is to not be controlled by it.

some extra credit reading

On the heels of my last post and another I put up along those lines, here is some commentary from Seth Godin on critics.