how to leave well?

Over the years, I've been asked by different church leaders how to understand if they should stay or go when it comes to their church role. I was recently asked this again, and so I wanted to share some nuggets that I believe matter in these moments.

Before you decide to leave, it's always good to do a checklist. This can serve you just as well even now to make sure things are healthy... because maybe you really shouldn't leave.

You may need to read that last part again.

I like the wisdom Jeffrey Johnson offers on this: 

• Have you studied the marks of a healthy church?
• Have you committed to being active and faithful members?
• Have you made sure you don’t have a submission problem?
• Have you endeavored to do your best to keep the unity of the faith?
• Have you considered that you may be the voice of change?
• Have you sought forgiveness and reconciliation?
• Have you talked with the leadership of the church?
• Have you sought the blessing of the leadership of the church?
• Have you considered that the grass may not be greener on the other side?
• Have you prayed about it? 

There is also a good book by John Cionca that I would recommend to help you discern and then take steps as the Lord leads.

So all that said, what are my own thoughts? 

Personally, I believe before you leave you need to (in addition to continual prayer): 

1. Seek God for the actual wording of why you're leaving. You need to be able to keep it simple and not try to fill in all the gaps people will inquire about - this isn't about you creating a crowd to validate you, but about you offering what is essential so that it isn't overshadowed by what's non-essential.
   
2. Approach your church elders for their advice on how to lead well to gain cultural wisdom. They may offer you a great piece of wisdom on how to address anyone who needs an upcoming conversation from you.
   
3. Turn your teaching into handoffs. Don't focus on giving your favorite sermons, but on content that shows how the church is a Body (i.e. Acts 1&2, 1 Corinthians 12, etc) 
4. Ask your church leaders to help you see your own blind spots before you plug into your next local church. This may feel awkward and you will be tempted to replay their words to defend it, but even if they're wrong you for some reason gave off a certain vibe that they concluded something from... so own it. 
5. Express written gratitude to those who have poured into you. Put it down in a creative and meaningful way so they know what they have meant to you. 
6. Don't make any promises to your current "regulars" about still being there for them. If you need to go, you need to let them let you go. It's hard, but they need to seek new mentors/leaders. 

I mentioned prayer on the front end. I'll tag it here, too. Always be praying.

Just some quick thoughts out of many years of living this. Hope this helps!

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:3-6)

 

 

go team!

Exciting days in the Cleveland area because of the NBA Finals. 

Lots of fans jumping on board and buying tickets now they didn't buy all season. The followers who have been at this all season have made space for the fans... and why not?

Still, I'm reminded of the difference between being a fan and a follower.

Fans are buying expensive merchandise and tickets today. Followers sit out there at cheap games when nothing is happening and cheer on any progress.

Fans are still learning the names of the players... "How do you say that - 'Dellavedova' - is that Russian?" Followers could pronounce the jersey numbers and history of players from years back.

Fans are shaking their fists in enthusiasm now, cheering loudly. Followers were shaking their heads when the team seemed to be losing months ago and watercooler chatter said it was a lost cause.

Fans think they're followers. Followers think about how easy it could be to just become a fan.

As Kyle Idleman pointed out, this is a great metaphor for faith.

Fans dress up in the "right" gear to get religious for a moment in their week/month/season/year. Followers come before their Coach each day no matter what they're wearing and ask, "What does it mean to let You take the lead on the details and decisions of what I do out there today?"

Fans talk loudly about how Christianity is nothing but a game with corrupt officiants and players who really don't play. Followers get quiet and lean into the redemptive, authoritative whisper of God that can turn any foul into a free throw shot that changes everything.

Fans are experts (if you ask them) about who should do what out there because they've been watching from the sidelines by for years. Followers are amateurs (if you ask them) because they recognize the Playbook requires them to think beyond their instincts and trust in a bigger strategy that requires regular community and teamwork.

Fans think they're followers. Followers think about how easy it could be to just become a fan.

Are you a fan... or a follower?

Perhaps there is a better question.

Will you CHOOSE to be a fan... or a follower?

If you think you could never show your face among the followers because you recognized you've just been a fan, no worries.

The followers who have been at this all season have made space for the fans... and why not?

Whether you're a fan or a follower (or a cynic who refuses to decide, which is a decision in itself) there's a spot for YOU (perhaps again) and anyone who wants to be on the team.

No religious "jerseys" required.

In that renewal there is no longer Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and free; but Christ is all and in all. (Colossians 3:11)

a behind-the-scenes prayer request to my church

For the past several months (and more), folks within my church have been pulling together to prep for Easter weekend. This is not only an amazing few days in itself every year, but this year represents our relaunch as a church - something we aim to do every five years.

In case you're a part of a church or wonder what some healthy priorities are, I hope you join me/us in praying like this. Here's what I shared with some of our core leaders today:

This is it! "All hands on deck."

Easter weekend. Our relaunch. Replant realized.

The city has been "egged." The building has been prepped. The sign has been made. The sermon has been created (and almost finished).

Counting Good Friday, we have FOUR services this weekend to "love and lead all people into a fully-alive connection with God."

Now... PRAY. Don't just sit there and nod your head like you're going to do it, but actually do it. Jesus prayed so intensely before the cross that the Bible said his sweat was like drops of blood. Can we expect that our prayer life should be any different?

Pray like you've never prayed before:

• Home plate: Pray for your relationship with Christ. Fix your eyes on Jesus, "the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Heb 12:2)

• First base: Pray for your character. Don't go through this weekend confident in your own self. "Just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." (Colossians 2:6-7)

• Second base: Pray for your church community. May we be people who speak honor of each other, believe the best in each other and overlap ourselves into one another. "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:24-25)

• Third base: Pray for your calling. God has put you in the lives of other people for a reason. Invite Him to use your abilities, resources, finances and more to further what He's doing. "Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it." (1 Cor 12:27)

• Home plate: Pray to once again give it all to Jesus. Anything we "score" is for Him and for the "team." That we would "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." (Matthew 28:19)

What are you waiting for? Let's get to praying! Jesus Christ is Lord... and His cross and Resurrection are about to get elevated. Get on your knees, and let's humbly get this party started. SO excited to share this journey with you!

This is only the beginning!

love, love, love (and Chick-Fil-A)

Love is a fuzzy word. I hear it used all the time in many ways. Most of the time it's messed up.

I'm a pastor, and so I often am asked by people "How can I love God more?" or "How can I even think to love ________ with all they they do or have done?"  Recently I've seen the question posed if eating chicken at Chick-Fil-A implies a lack of love to homosexuals.

If you're unfamiliar with what's happening there or think you understand it, the bottom line is that all started with a company higher-up who said, "This is what we're about." Apparently you're not supposed to do that.

By the way - which company said that? It depends on if you like the Muppets or chicken sandwiches. Then again, maybe they both said that... and you just ran with your favorite.

Suddenly everyone is a critic and stereotyping one another. Those outside the church and those inside it are tense over it; even Christians are labeling other Christians and unknowingly dividing the Church in doing so. Everyone is blind/ignorant, except "you."

If you're asking, "Where is the love?" my response is "Exactly, but think about your question."

People use the word love to talk about the way they will regard another, such as a groom who tells his bride during the wedding, “I love you and will love you the rest of our lives.” Later that same groom when eating the meal at his reception says, “I LOVE this Prime Rib!” He does this not because he feels the same way about prime rib as he does his wife (insert joke about her being a "piece of meat" here), but because his culture has told him that's an acceptable way to use the word "love."

Perhaps we're not as clear on what love means as we think we are... we're taking our cues from the wrong place.

That's a big point, by the way, with more implications in your life than you may even consciously realize. Think about the last several times you used the word "love" - if a linguist were following you around to try to discover what that word meant, might there not be massive confusion?

A popular Bible verse quoted by believers and accusers alike in this type of tension is that "God is love." It's often sliced out of its context, which is something humanity seems a big fan of doing with the Bible. It's from John 4, so here's that verse including the verses before it and after it:

• Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
• Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
• This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

It's important to keep this in context, because it feels like the world's version of "love" is "Just be who you are and no one will try to tell you anything different." That sounds like something we publicly say we want to believe, but inherently don't want to believe. If you think otherwise, you need to reexamine all of the times someone in life told you that you couldn't get what you want. (Ever ask to "Speak with a manager?")

What you're inherently acknowledging in those moments is that a relationship should be interactive. We tend to think selfishly by nature, and so most people are working an angle for things to be interactive in their favor. We may pacify that by "fighting for the rights of others," but somewhere along the way we neglect what God is actually fight for - our inner/eternal health. His version of love (which is the only real version) is more than a "can't we all get along?" philosophy.

Take note of the verse before the famous one "God is love" one - it calls to attention that we are to receive and live this out. The third verse complements it, reminding us that God's love is not "zero tolerance" but transformational. God is Love and not mere love (note the capitalization) - He's the true Love that should inform the rest. Often we attempt to understand His love from our vantage point, demanding that He be okay with things we are: i.e. “Can’t you just accept everything and everyone without causing any trouble?"

Experiencing God’s love is a swarm of grace, but it's also a swarm of holiness, too. His love is as tied to Him as His justice is. Since God hates sin yet choose to love sinners, He offers us a model for how to live and relate. That's why the verse says "Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."

I could bust out a Greek work study on what the "agape" word for love means here, but my sense is you already get it. The love of God is more than human love that's more concerned with passive tolerance than growing interaction and spurring on. By dwelling in Him, we are led to transformation - much like how on a human level one person’s affection for another can help transform that person.

I am by all means a better man because I experience the love of my wife and kids daily versus if I was without their love in my life. They accept me for who I am, but at the same time expect greater things out of me. It's why I inherently know that the best response to their love is to be the man they need me to be versus saying, "Quit trying to get me to change. I was born lazy and in need of others to care for me, so I have no need to grow up and change."

Here's the other side of it, though. Imagine I was in a horrible accident and suddenly paralyzed or born with special needs I could never change in my own power. The love of my family would still extend itself to me in its purest form. They would care for me where I couldn't, bathe me if necessary and make sure their love became practical in every way possible.

Don't miss this, though - they wouldn't do it without sweat... they wouldn't even on the best day with the cleanest of motives still not wish I couldn't be more than I was in that moment... but they wouldn't stop loving me. If they found out I could have gotten up but just refused to there would be a tension we'd have to work through, though.

It feels like our version of love is missing this acknowledgement.

You are capable of saying yes to a God that can love us - not a passive one that leaves you as we are, but One who can transform you with the full weight of His power. The catch is we'd rather look for the loopholes than walk across that bridge. We seem to be more intent on arguing about what's right than we are in getting "right."

Maybe that's why it's easier for even Christians to attack each other with snarky comments that make one person's faith look more legit than another. Imagine what would happen if we instead all lived out legit Love that is full of grace and transformation simultaneously.... simultaneously... simultaneously.

God loves you. Let Him change your life and all that comes along with it. You'll end up growing in His direction, which does imply change. Don't be afraid of it or Him or changing on things "you'll never change on," but embrace what it means with all of His intended Life-giving nurturing. Perhaps along the way, learn to love others like He does... and not merely how they demand.

And if you want to take a stand for Jesus... wash the feet of someone who "doesn't get it."

"Love God, your God, walk in all his ways, do what He's commanded, embrace Him, serve Him with everything you are and have." (Joshua 22:5, The Message)

P.S. I'm planning on being at my local CFA for most of the day Friday to love on some random people protesting for the same reason I loved on the CFA manager I'm friends with by supporting him yesterday. It's possible to be for something without being against everybody. Hope to support what Jesus is doing in trying to do in a critic's life as much as I support what He's trying to do in a proponent's life. Otherwise my faith is one-sided and misses the point. Feel free to join me in trying to join Jesus.

defining a relationship we'd rather not define

It's common to struggle with commitment and definition of where things are at in any relationship. But how about this one:

Andy and Grace met through a mutual friend. From day one they seemed to be the perfect match. Grace was everything Andy had always wanted. She was beautiful, outgoing, and caring—always there when Andy needed her.


For the first five months they were inseparable. Andy could hardly think of anything but Grace. He didn’t need to look further, he told friends, ‘She’s the one’.


Now almost three years have passed. Andy still enjoys the familiarity of being with Grace, but the spark is gone. Grace’s flaws seem more obvious. He’s not sure he finds her as attractive as he once did. He’s sure there’s a better option out there.


And he’s beginning to resent all the time she wants to spend with him. One night when she asks if they can define the nature of their relationship, Andy blows up. ‘We’re together, aren’t we?’ he asks angrily. ‘Why isn’t that enough for you?’


Obviously, Andy isn’t ready for a commitment. And it’s unclear if he ever will let himself be.

---

You need to know something about the couple.

There are millions of Andys walking around today.

And Grace isn’t a girl. Grace is a church.

- From "Stop Dating The Church: Fall In Love With The Family Of God" by Joshua Harris

Did you see that one coming?

More importantly, did it describe you or a trend you see in others?

Many of us have been just like Andy. We've treated the local church like a someone we want to string along,  keeping a presence there just enough to maintain the relationship, but never a real investment to see the beauty of what commitment could bring out.

That’s because it’s easier to date than it is to be in a marriage – to spend hours with someone at dinner or doing something special is easy. But to make a “for better or for worse” commitment is hard. That means living with them when you're grumpy, they're sleepy, you're sick, they're worried, you're struggling, and they're disappointed.

"Andy" is a perfectionist with the church - first she was all that, and then she was nothing.

• Some of her faults are really hers. Nobody’s perfect, and the better we get to know each other, the more we learn how much that’s true.
• Her other faults, however, are more in him than in her. The standards he applies to her he doesn't apply to himself.

Andy just wants to hang on to the relationship for the comfort it gives him, but he’s so independent and critical that he’d never think to commit to her. He’s looking for the best product… but isn’t willing to make an investment.

Is your relationship with your church one you'd rather not define? Or is it one you're "all in" on and putting in the effort to make sure the "family" is the healthiest it could possibly be?