inner bullies

We all struggle with thoughts and fears that want to bully us. 

Talk to yourself 

instead of just 

listening to yourself.
 

Ask the question, 

"What is one thing I can do to make the situation better?" 

Then... 

do that thing, 

whether tiny 

or huge.

how I won't pray for you

I am regularly honored to have people ask me to pray for them.

Maybe it's because I'm a pastor, or maybe it's because I'm their friend. Perhaps it's a little bit of both.

Sometimes I sense they want me to pray for something I'm not sure I can pray for.

For example, I once had a family ask me to pray over a medal they were going to give to their son who was heading off to serve in the military. I have no critique for their motives. Essentially, they were asking that I could impart something supernatural onto the medal that would make it protect him while he was there.

Obviously, that's not something I can do. It's one thing for God to say to Moses, "Hey, your staff will do this now..." and another thing for me to make a similar declaration about an inanimate object without first checking in with God to see if He wanted to work that way.

So I prayed on my own for wisdom, and eventually circled back to the family. "I'm sorry," I began. "I can't do what you're asking me to do. What I do know is God would much rather first look out for your son's eternity than promise you he will be safe at every turn. He's challenged me to pray with and for your son for that reason. I'd also like to be a prayer partner and pray for his safe return and journey with God while he's away, but I can't pray for this medal to do what you want it to do."

They replied, "What if we make a donation to the church?"

I answered, "I wouldn't know about it because I'm not the guy around here who personally keeps track of any of that. I do that on purpose so I can give you honest answers like this one."

They thanked me for my honesty. It was pleasant.

Then I learned two days later that they'd left the church and found someone down the street who would pray for the medal like they wanted.

I told you that story to tell you this one.

A man once walked up to me and asked that I could pray that he and his wife would ultimately have a safe life. I asked if something was prompting this, like a threat or situation they were worried about. He explained there wasn't any threat, but he was sure God's best plan for them was that they'd live a safe life.

This happened a few months after the first situation occurred. Perhaps fueled by that a bit, I explained, "I can do one of two things. I can pray that prayer, and we can assume that God's greatest plan for your life is safety. Or I can pray that you will experience the life God has for you to live. That means I will not directly pray that God makes you safe, but allow Him to know and declare what the ideal tone for your life needs to be. If you want, I will pray one step further... that God makes you dangerous – so dangerous for Him that when you walk into a room all the demons of hell flee because of your presence. How does that sound?"

He nodded his head, thought for a moment and eventually said, "The second one." We prayed that prayer. That family is also still around in our church today... and yes, they're quite dangerous for Jesus.

I'll let you figure out your own application now.

"Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19-20)

becoming a true anomaly

"You haven't answered my question."

"Quite right. Interesting. That was quicker than the others."

Something happened this week that reminded me of a pivotal scene in the movie Matrix: Reloaded. The protagonist "Neo" finally meets the hidden antagonist behind all the events he (and others) have experienced. This "Architect" reveals that Neo is an anomaly to a mathematical matrix/world he has constructed for humanity to mentally live in.

Yes, this movie stunk compared to the original... but that's not my point.

Behind Neo are a number of monitors that represent the potential reactions the Architect has calculated Neo might make to everything he says.The antagonist is mapping without emotion the variety of emotions he is convinced Neo might experience and reply back with. Such knowledge is both intimate and cold - it requires proximity to know a person, but denies the ability of that person to grow and surprise you.

What prompted this was the realization of how I am reacting differently to something this week than I would have even a year ago.

I hope that doesn't come across as anything but surprise. While I feel that the "me" a year ago would have made a good choice to this situation, the "me" today is realizing there is another option that I can take that will opens up other doors... not because it's "more correct" or "as correct" as the option one-year-ago-me would have chosen, but because different things matter to me more today.

It's as if I'm watching images of myself "behind me" while I ponder what to do with what's in front of me.

Leadership, I have learned, requires these moments if you hope to become more than a stereotype of yourself. You will (in all the right ways possible) frustrate the "architects" who try to mathematically sum you up somehow, forcing them to either acknowledge they were wrong or that you are a greater anomaly than they predicted.

But this really isn't about them... it's about you... or else you will become nothing more than an architect yourself.

You will have to set down your desire to be correct or rest in your experience/training/validation in order to actually recognize more options than your planned response. Note that I'm not talking about your first reaction - I'm referring to the deeper reply you will offer from a place of actual conviction. You won't want to suspend it because it's how you have been trained to think.

Until you do, you won't see all the images of replies you have to choose from... and will end up becoming a caricature of yourself as you do what you are absolutely convinced is correct.

You must chose - do what you think is right, or become humble enough consider and do what is truly righteous.

Maybe someday I'll actually live this verse out:

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." (1 Cor 13:11)

false motives, and the hard irony of loving others

When people are unsure of your motives, they'll invent some.

"Did you hear what so-and-so said?"

"He/she didn't say that."

"Oh, I'm sure he/she did."

Often this is a negative, especially when a person is looking for a reason to dislike you and feel justified; however, it can even be a false positive and they may give you kudos you don't deserve. Jesus spoke about this to a group of leaders who constantly tried to justify themselves to others:

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean." (Matthew 23:27)

Ouch.

Some years ago, people attributed a certain poem to Mother Teresa... after all, it sounded like something everyone could imagine her saying. Another story says this was inscribed on the wall of Mother Teresa's children's home in Calcutta.

However, an article in the New York Times has since reported (March 8, 2002) that the original version of this poem was written by Dr. Kent M. Keith. Still, Mother Teresa gets the credit.

Given the material in the poem, this is all quite ironic. Enjoy, and apply:

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.


If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.


If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.


The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.


Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.


The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.


People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.


What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.


People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.


Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

You might need to read that again.

it may be time to kick yourself in the tail

How would you respond?

Over the past few weeks, I've sat down with almost a dozen emerging adults - students graduating high school, or those who have been out a few years and are looking for a footing in life. I've offered them "me" - meaning, I will intentionally invest into them in the next year if they want it, but they have to want it. We'll sit down over something deliberate, but my main hope is to unearth all the random stuff that may be holding them back from who God made them to be.

How would you respond?

If someone approached me with such an offer at that age, I would have said "Yeah! I'm in!" but then would have been lazy; I would have said, "Make me a leader - I'm ready!" but shown all kinds of irresponsibility.

I know this because it's exactly what I did when someone offered me that chance.

After graduating high school, I began an internship with my church's student ministry. I had no clue why I was there, especially since there were so many other "qualified" guys in our program who had such a clear calling to ministry. We used to meet at 6am once a week for a Bible study and administrative stuff because it was the only time everyone could get together.

Let me say that again... six o'clock in the morning... for a Bible study and administrative stuff... and I was 18.

After about the eighth time I missed a meeting, I showed up later that morning to have a sheepish conversation with my mentor, Bo Boshers. I caught him in the hallway of our church and started to share what happened. "I'm sorry," I began, "I can't believe I missed another meeting. You don't understand how hard this is..."

"Stop," he said, holding up his hand. "Can I just say something? You're making excuses, and it sounds a lot like whining. Everybody has it tough, and you're no exception. Everyone is busy, and you're no exception. It may be time to kick yourself in the tail and decide if you're going to be here or not. If there was a million dollar check waiting for you this morning, you would have been here. So don't give that line. It's bull, and we both know it."

I didn't know what to say. Thankfully, he continued.

"I know you're going through some tough stuff with your family, but I also know you're using it as an excuse. So let's not kid yourself. I don't care if you were up playing video games and slept in or got up to go fishing instead of coming here - the real question is what is more important? Do you think what we're doing here matters or not? Because if you do, then be here. If not, own it."

"Yeah," I replied. "Again, I'm really sorry."

He paused, as if to look me over. "I know you are. And I know this is going to be different if you stay sorry. Now, let's talk about what you missed."

Although my friendship with Bo and others from that group has changed over the years, that conversation still haunts me to this day in the best way possible. Maybe you need to consider the questions I was faced with:

• What legitimate struggle in my life have I used to create illegitimate excuses for things I don't want to do?
• If a million dollar check was waiting for me somewhere or with someone, how would I approach that priority differently (and what does that say about how I view that priority without it)?
• Is it time to kick myself in the tail?

Jesus said: “A certain man was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests. At the time of the banquet he sent his servant to tell those who had been invited, ‘Come, for everything is now ready.’

But they all alike began to make excuses." (Luke 14:16-18)

the 50/100/200 principle

It's brilliant, isn't it?

I'm talking about Jesus' teaching on how far we're called to go beyond what's sensible. In case you don't know it, here's the guts of it:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you" (Matthew 5:38-42)

Before I get to the application, consider the context: God introduced the concept of “an eye for an eye” when the Jews had just left the oppression of Egypt and were wandering in the desert.  Like many of the commands He gave at that time, this one shielded the Jews from acting in haste on issues that they might become passionate about, such as exacting revenge that exceeded how they had been wronged. By practicing patience, an individual would see the big picture and ideally not seek punishment to a crime that was more than exactly equal to it.

Over the years the Jews lost sight of this original intent and began to utilize it legalistically. By the time Jesus ministered on earth he had to uproot how the concept had become a sense of entitlement. People would create loopholes in God’s commands through additional laws they created that let them strike back through lawsuits, attacks, slander and financial oppression. Jesus countered that being offended or having someone ask something of you should never get in the way of  displaying God’s grace and character relationally. To cap it off, His final illustration involved going an extra mile beyond what was legally required if a Roman soldier demanded a Jewish male carry a heavy burden for him.

On that note, consider the 50/100/200 principle:

• The average person says they expect a 50/50 relationship with things that matter.
• Example, "If I call up _______ and ask for _________, I expect they'll meet me half-way at helping me get what I need."
• The average person actually assumes a 100% response to their 50% effort. 
• Example, "I called up _______ and left a message, so now it's up to them to call me. I'm not calling them again. I did my part and this frustration of not getting in contact with someone better be apologized for. Why isn't there better communication that fits within the scope of my world?"
• Jesus calls Christians to bless others with a 200% "extra mile" effort.
• Example, "I knew who to call and when to reach them because they've made it so easy to know these things. When they did call me, it wasn't just to meet my request but to find out if I had anything else happening they could serve me in. I was valued as a person."

Disney World is one of many companies that prides itself on going the extra mile for customers. Years ago, Avis Rent-A-Car likewise once confessed it was the #2 car company which meant they would try that much harder to be #1. Chick-Fil-A is another company that seems to go over the top to add those little touches to customers, from the cashier's attitude to the inch-gap they leave on the door to the play area so kids don't stub their toes.

It's why one of the newer catchphrases around our church leadership team is to do the "200%" thing. Here's why:

• It's mathematically impossible to go beyond 100%. That means that for this to happen it has to be a "beyond you" effort... God has to be involved.
  
• Some people care about these extra touches. While others are more laid back about a number of things, the other half of the population cares about details and commitment. They will literally have the thing God is trying to grow in them spoiled if something is not attended to. This can't be ever perfectly handled, but it can be addressed.

I like the sound of a church community committed to doing what they can't do so that people take note of what only God can do. Life change doesn't take place within what's expected but in the context of what's exceeded.

"Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men." (Ephesians 6:7)

reacting to life... or responding to Life?

This moment you are in right now is unrepeatable.
It is, though, absolutely memorable.

Will it be human-sized and full of what seems like random pleasure without regard to the Big Picture... or real, God-sized joy that will overflow into every moment of your life that follows?

Keep in mind, It's the difference between reacting to "life" or responding to "Life."

Here are a few words of challenging and encouraging counsel that are not my own, but I absolutely believe in:

"Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is.

And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God.

Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way."

(Colossians 3:2,5,17, The Message)

do you see what I see? who cares?

A friend of mine shared online: "Pointing out someone's flaws doesn't make you any more perfect. I know some people who do this."

People do this for many reasons, but I've learned there are two typical motivations:

1) Insecurity. They reason, "If I can push others down, then I come across as more successful/powerful/better as a person." The problem is this is false logic - exposing other people's flaws may take the spotlight off of yours for a moment, but it doesn't make your flaws disappear. Hence, the cycle continues.

2) Good intentions with bad application. They reason, "We should all be in a better place than we are, so I'll make sure others know what I think they need to be doing." The problem is this is more critical than constructive, but because it starts out with good intentions the person doing it may not see how he/she comes across. Hence, the cycle continues.

The only solution is to receive the genuine grace and genuine holiness of Jesus Christ - not one over the other, but both simultaneously. In this way you will experience unconditional love (so you can give it) and unconditional inspiration (so you can grow). Most of the time critics point out things in other people who haven't asked for it, but this approach makes you the kind of person others want to be like because they see Christ being formed in you - not just you whipping around good standards to impose on others.

This distinct difference can even be overlooked by regular church attenders, which is why we come across as hypocritical to the world. Christianity is surrender to Christ... not just trying to support His standards or be like Him. Many who call themselves Christians try to be what they think God wants them to be... BUT not as many (unfortunately) surrender their whole loves to God - they end up holding areas of their lives back from Him. By keeping that inner world from being transformed, they end up focusing on the "outer world" and try to look the part of a Christian while making sure others look the part, too.

There are a lot of people who are religious and can talk some good "Jesus talk" but haven't yet been born again and transformed. Their blind spot and hurdle is that they think they have.

Jesus often criticized the Pharisees for doing this in His culture. We may not have Pharisees around today, but we sure have those who just ask "What would Jesus do?" and do that alone... so they appear moral. But they don't ask, "God, what am I holding back from You, and how might I give that area over to You,. too? What action step do you want me to sacrificially take next?"

We all need accountability in this. Otherwise we try to be our own eye doctor... with blurry eyes.

No wonder so many of us walk around with "moral glasses" that we've self-prescribed - that only makes everything we see and point out blurry... only we think because we have the glasses on our sight is clearer than anyone else.

And then what happened? Well, when Israel tried to be right with God on her own, pursuing her own self-interest, she didn't succeed. The chosen ones of God were those who let God pursue his interest in them, and as a result received his stamp of legitimacy. The "self-interest Israel" became thick-skinned toward God. Moses and Isaiah both commented on this: Fed up with their quarrelsome, self-centered ways, God blurred their eyes and dulled their ears, Shut them in on themselves in a hall of mirrors, and they're there to this day. David was upset about the same thing: I hope they get sick eating self-serving meals, break a leg walking their self-serving ways. I hope they go blind staring in their mirrors, get ulcers from playing at god. (Romans 11:6-8, The Message)

get off the fence

If you are riding the fence in an area of life, don't be surprised at the damage you cause to yourself and others falling off. 

We want it all, but often won't commit because we're *sure* the grass is greener on the other side... or was it the other side? 

Be careful - your weight will soon shift when you least expect it, and hurt will unfortunately occur all around you. 

Both sides of the fence involve comfort AND carrying your cross. 

Buck up.

Get off the fence.

"You don't have to be a genius to understand these things. Just use your common sense, the kind you'd use if, while being taken to court, you decided to settle up with your accuser on the way, knowing that if the case went to the judge you'd probably go to jail and pay every last penny of the fine. That's the kind of decision I'm asking you to make." (Luke 12:57, MSG)

because you just never know

I apologize for how this initially sounds (because I hate how this sounds), but I always enjoy reading both affirming and constructive feedback on my weekly newspaper column.

There, I said it - and again, I know how that sounds... like I'm some fancy "writer" who likes to talk about his latest "work" or fancy "column." I understand that, because it bugs me to no end when people promote themselves over and over and over.

But it's not why I'm writing it.

Today I received an email that was simply amazing. Apparently today's article literally helped change someone's life... and the reason I'm sharing it is because it tracks back to a highly frustrating moment in my life that perhaps you know all too well - the choice to stop short... or pursue something to completion.

A few nights ago, I was struggling with little sleep and a bad headache. Throw in some stomach cramps, and I was ready for bed.

Only - I needed to write my weekly article.

So I started writing... but the headache took over. I even fell asleep at the keyboard once.

Writing can be torturous - waiting for an idea to come. Sometimes those ideas come right off of my human robot heat. Most times, it flows out of a place within my soul. There are also the moments when it has to be sought after like water in the desert.

Then there's the mental dance. Writing requires knowing or discovering something that you will explain, which means advance time having an experience, doing some reading or receiving a revelation out of nowhere. You're constantly dipping into places in life that you may not normally tread - not to merely find something you can talk about, but to become someone who has something to say.

Within this you run hard, then you procrastinate; you read a lot of news, and then you play an online game; you page through a great magazine full of intriguing thought, then you look at YouTube videos full of nothingness; you read some of the most amazing biblical truths ever written down, then you go get a handful of Doritos from the cupboard; you get mad at how corrupt government is, then you watch an old episode of The Twilight Zone... or Everybody Loves Raymond... or ten minutes of Celebrity Rehab, until you realize you've just watched ten minutes of Celebrity Rehab.

Keep in mind, that's not including the other things you do in life. Like being a human, or a loved one, or a parent, or a friend, or a pastor... which involves, you know... a lot of quality time.

So sometimes when I feel like I have nothing left to give, I begin to feel entitled with the thought, "You've done enough. Just give this next one less than your full effort. Besides, you'll have next week to put something better out there."

This is the moment.

The choice.

The choice to stop short...

or pursue something to completion.

The other night I chose to tap into a Source that is deeper than my own - God Himself.. That sounds incredibly spiritual or perhaps even bumper sticker-esque, and sure... it is both.

But that doesn't deny how incredibly true and practical it is, too.

Once your trust your life - not just your eternity, but your life to Jesus Christ - His strength becomes as accessible as your next breath of oxygen.

Some days I don't remember this as well as others.

But a few nights ago, I woke up from drooling on my keyboard and decided the "half-article" in front of me that could pass for a "full article" to most readers wasn't "good enough." Not because I'm a perfectionist, but because I refuse to settle when I know there is more in me than "me."

Don't misread this - there are times when my "50%" is my "100%" and I know that I can't give any more than I have given. I'm fine with that... it's about wholeheartedness, and not perfection.

There are other times, though, when my "50%" is "50%" and I am about to settle if I stop. I am not fine with that... that's about having the appearance of effort without the commitment.

It's taken me a lot of  bumps and bruises over the years to realize the difference.

So today I received a rather amazing email from a woman who said what was in my weekly column changed her life. I don't need to share the details, because it was personal information I'm not at liberty to share.

But as I read it, I was reminded of that moment a few nights ago that I made a choice.  It's the same choice you will make about something today or tomorrow. 

I want to encourage you to opt for the Narrow Way... the road less traveled... the Way of the Master. I'm so glad Jesus didn't say, "I'm good after the whipping. Maybe they don't really need the cross."

Because... you just never know.

"Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men." (Ephesians 6:7)

"In everything that he undertook in the service of God’s temple and in obedience to the law and the commands, he sought his God and worked wholeheartedly. And so he prospered." (2 Chronicles 31:21)

why truth will tick you off

The Truth will set you free.

But first... it will tick you off. 

Let's face it...

we'd rather live a "don't rock the boat" life where we call the shots.

It's a nice boat.

Comfortable seats.

Full of the latest toys.

We've spent a lot of time filling it with things that soothe us.

Then again, while that boat may seem expertly built and secure...

that boat has a hole in it.

Sometimes we see it, and sometimes we don't.

Even weirder, sometimes we see it and pretend we didn't.

You know what I mean, especially about that last part?

So will we stay on the sinking Titanic where we are the "King of the World?"

Or...

will we accept the ladder that just dropped from the rescue offered above? 


You know, out of all the courageous changes we must make in life...

this shift is the hardest.


For it involves confessing we are not God...

and He is.


We confess this not just with a head nod...

or the occasional appearance at a church service...

but with life change that we allow Him to power up in our lives.


Life change that affects everything.

Yeah, everything.

That's why truth will tick you off.

The upside, though?

It's momentum can tick you off of the sinking boat... if you let it.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (Jesus, John 8:32)

a word of wisdom for frustrated twenty-somebodies

Here's a great post by Adam McLane   Solid advice for twenty-somebodies feeling frustrated with the work force they can't seem to get into.

Or... can they?

http://adammclane.com/2010/07/07/jobs-and-millenials/

fight the funk

The other day I was in a bit of a funk. I'm not really sure it was anything internal, but I was feeling the burden of the people around me. It really weighed me down, and I found myself broken and literally weeping for their pain. It got me to the point where I was too exhausted to even eat dinner, and barely got through bedtime with the kids before collapsing into sleep around 9pm (early for me).

You don't need to worry about me, I am totally fine now. But that day I wasn't.

The sleep I ended up in started out as prayer... I decided it probably wasn't a good idea for me to do much else but talk with God. I first dropped a minor comment on Facebook about it, but quickly realized I needed more than what human interaction could offer. So I prayed... and it ended up becoming a rest that cleared my spirit.

The book of Lamentations is full of this kind of holy venting - sort of like a cross between social media and prayer. But listen to what is written here in the midst of all the pain:

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"  (Lamentations 3:22-24)

I know sleep can do wonders, but I also sense there was something about falling asleep in prayer. It allowed me to wake up more than physically refreshed, but spiritually refreshed, too.

Because let's face it - pain can suck the Life out of life, be it your pain or someone else's pain. And at some point you need to get back to doing what you do. Get back to the business of being a parent, sibling, friend, blue-collar or white-collar worker, and so on.

So that morning I woke up and determined to fight for the opportunities in my friend's lives, even if they weren't able to. It's certainly not a quick-fix solution, but it is biblical direction. Some days it's easy to get so focused on yourself or others that you forget God has given you a purpose within all of that.

Today, if something has you down, I want to say to you:

• Feel it, then...
• Pray it, then...
• Release it, then...
• Overcome it.

If that means a tough conversation you've been putting off, pony up and have that conversation. Or if it's time for you to get some spiritual depth you need that you think you're just not disciplined enough to have, dig deep and get over your apathy.

Get back to the God-given purpose of your life.... with God. If that needs to start with exhaustive prayer, then pour out your heart so that He can refill it to the brim with something that will powerfully overflow.

what to do in the meantime

Every once in a while we catch a whiff of a huge opportunity in front of us.  We don't have words for it, and yet we sort of "know" that something big is about to happen.

Only because we can't see it just yet, we go crazy wondering what your next step "should be" and "could be."  We wonder if it's all written in stone or if it will only happen if we make the "right" decision.  I know from personal experience how tremendously frustrating this can be.

What do we do in the meantime?

How can we go somewhere when we have an idea of the destination but can't adequately explain how we will get there? I've learned that the clear answer to the unclear question is daily faithfulness.  Dee Hock explains it this way: 

One need not know and be able to prove in advance what could be accomplished. One need not have a precise plan about how to get there.

In a complex, rapidly changing world, a clear sense of direction, a compelling purpose and powerful beliefs about conduct in pursuit of it, seemed to me infinitely more sensible and robust than mechanical plans, detailed objectives, and predetermined outcomes.

(p. 169, One From Many, Dee Hock)

I dig this concept, and yet I find that this isn't easy for most people.  I used to be one of those guys who needed to know every step of the way, and today I'm more willing to throw myself into the moment and trust that what I am giving my best swing at is somehow linked into whatever needs to happen down the road. Meaning, if I love God and others completely in whatever I'm doing (and without reservation), the rest doesn't matter because that moment absolutely does... and it becomes the metaphorical pebble that creates the ripples into the rest of the pond. 

And the secret of that?  One must live for something that actually lasts so that the details (which don't seem to last and yet demand so much of our attention) don't choke the life out of us.

getting buffed up

I am absolutely convinced that a leader isn't a leader from birth, but must get buffed up in order to be effective in any avenue of life - at home, work, or play.

Granted, some kids seem to be more confident in directing others at an early age, but that's not what I mean. There could be a number of reasons why this is the case, be it birth order, the social structure of the family, or the specific environments and circumstances they've been a part of in peer situations.

That's more my point - it takes many experiences to make a leader a good one... one that is buffed up and capable. And I truly believe some of those experiences have to be so hurtful and sharp that they bring you to the ground and cause you to wonder what you really believe. As you feel alone and dejected, tired of all the cliche's you've been given by people who are so speechless to your situation they have nothing else to offer, you are finally humble enough to consider that the way you've been living life isn't enough.

That something "must" be done.

That you will come through this, even if you look a bit different.

It's like the whole process of buffing a ring. You take a piece of metal and put it under something that is spinning fast, creating a soft-yet-sharp brush against the metal... all so that which you hold precious can lose pieces of itself in order to smooth out and shine the way it was intended.

That's not a pretty process... it's best to wear goggles.

So I wonder if we shouldn't consider the trials you are under right now and what they may be offering you. Nobody likes to go through the tough stuff, but I've found that this buffing process helps us to smooth out in ways we never would have before. Without it, we may never realize what we need to shed in order to shine.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)

when a fallen leader hops up with closed eyes

There are three things I need to confess before I go anywhere with this, and then I'm going to unleash a fury of frustration.

First, I am a man who knows the temptation of sin. Just like you, there are certain things that I have let into my mind, heart, soul, and body over the years that I tend to struggle with more than other types of sins. They are my "familiar temptations," and I have confessed them out loud and in private to both God and people so that I might develop a strong defense against their offense. Sometimes they come at me because I've allowed them to hang out inside of me in the past, like a dirty dog that you've fed who won't leave the porch as he keeps scratching at your door. Other times they are nothing short of a clear attack from the devil himself, because he has decided I am someone he wants to take out of commission.

Second, I know what it means to be suddenly yanked away from familiar surroundings that you have found a sense of self-worth in. There was a time when I found security and identity in what I did, or a name plate on the door, or a desk and office I resided in, or the fact that people said "Pastor" before they used my name. Those things felt real good, and on various occasions when I have had to leave such a role - be it for the right reasons or someone else's reasons - I know the struggle of not being able to scratch those itches. It's painful, and it makes you want to grab anything or anyone to scratch them again, even if it's the equivalent of a dirty piece of metal that ends up cutting you open in the process.

Third, I am fed up - actually, can I say it? pissed off - at the immaturity among "leaders" I have had to endure in ministry. I wish I could tell you in this cozy spot of a blog exactly what I mean, but I can't. For one thing, there isn't enough space. And for another, there are people whose privacy my silence continues to protect so that they may grow forward (which means in in some cases that I know more than the average person who only sees the past leader with nostalgia).

(pause)

Wow. I'm pretty worked up.

Now...

what triggered all of that?

I just read an email and it reminded me of how unfortunate it is when a fallen leader hops up with closed eyes. By "leader" I mean someone who has been allowed by others to speak into their lives, which means that as their spiral down began they took others with them (be a loss of innocence, the "final straw" where they no longer trust such leaders, or something else more damaging). And after that former leader has genuinely fallen, rather than letting God do the hard-yet-much-needed work of giving their life new direction they choose to jump into the next thing to scratch their old itches.

Again, I "get" this temptation all to well. I speak as someone who has had to make that same choice several times over the years that perhaps you have... do I act with self-righteous immaturity because I feel wronged or do I slow down, stop, and see if it's time to grow up in some area. By God's grace, each time I've opted for letting the Lord take His scalpel to me. That's not a statement of pride, by the way, but of surrender. I made this choice not because I'm better than anyone, but because (to the contrary) I know I needed it.

I knew it would be bloody... I knew I would lose parts of myself that I rather liked but God found ugly... but I also knew that He could do such surgery better and more effectively if I was still. Otherwise, He'd be trying to cut into me with the blade as I struggled to run away from Him, and that would only create more cuts and scars than were originally needed.

So that said, I share this email about a man whom I've never met and don't know the fullness of his situation. Such a context would usually demand (in our culture) that we just "forgive and forget" or "don't judge" - neutral and lame defense mechanisms that we often opt for when we're too chicken to challenge another person toward hard growth (or allow their imperfections to remind us of our own). But I don't take my cues from this culture, which means that I'm going to stretch in a different direction - one that says, "Yeah, grace, but also holiness."

You may be familiar with the story of Ted Haggard (and if you aren't it's up to you to Google it). It's been three years since he stepped down from being a pastor, which (again) seems like enough time in our culture for him to begin pastoring again. Why would anyone want to stop him from doing so since he's "obviously gifted?" After all, he was a "great pastor," wasn't he?

This is written from the perspective of a man who sees something that the fallen leader does not and refuses to. I have great empathy and prayer for what follows:

MR. HAGGARD AND HIS NEW CHURCH

On Thursday evening of this week, there was, for all intents and purposes, a new church plant in our town of Colorado Springs. Ted Haggard gathered a group of people in his home for a prayer meeting that will, in time, constitute a nucleus for that new church.

And so, it is nearly three years to the day from Mr. Haggard's admission to indiscrete behavior — that resulted in his resignation as senior pastor of New Life Church — that a new congregation begins, located just one mile from the church he once pastored.

The irony of all of this is that, from the very beginning, Mr. Haggard had been counseled to go to another city, complete his restoration program, experience healing in his family and with his addiction, and only then begin again. But, he has made a choice not to do that.

We, who were members of his restoration team and those who served New Life Church as overseers, wish he would not do this. We feel it to be insensitive to a church that provided generously for him and his family for over a year after his misadventure. But, more than that, he violates his own words that he would not begin a new church. Evidently, he changed his mind a week or so ago, and now calls the new endeavor a church rather than a Bible study.

Pastor Brady Boyd, the present senior pastor of New Life Church, has been very gracious to Mr. Haggard. As I talk with Pastor Boyd, there is more concern expressed for Mr. Haggard than there is about the new church plant. Let me ask you:

From what you know about the Ted Haggard situation — and knowing it is a free country — would you consider Mr. Haggard's actions proper and ethical? How would you respond if Mr. Haggard asked for your opinion? Please, let us know at pastors@family.org.

Prayers should be offered for all parties involved.

Be blessed and be a blessing. —HBL

My response?

There is a reason we cheer for the underdog... we know somewhere deep within that it is not in our original destiny to be down. So when someone who genuinely should be "on top" has such an opportunity, we cheer them on.

This is different, though. This is not an underdog scenario, but rather a rebellious rejection of the role of the Master. Mr Haggard, it seems, would rather surround himself with people who will tell him what he thinks versus what he must hear.

And that... will affect more people than just himself. That will tell others that they don't have to deal with the stuff in their life that needs to be dealt with, but rather they can ignore it and call it Christianity. And that will ultimately create a hypocrisy within Mr Haggard that he will choose not to acknowledge so he can "be a pastor again."

I know I am being harder in this post than I usually am. I run the risk of offending some who would rather I take the carefree position of "Mind your own business."

Fair enough. Let's look at the Scripture most people whip out for a quick defensive quote without fully-embracing the rest of it.

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces. (Matthew 7:1-6)

Yes, Jesus said not to judge. But He didn't just say that, because He said that the purpose of noticing another's sin isn't to look down on them for it. Rather, it's to recognize it's danger to them and others... only AFTER you've been willing to put yourself through a similar process. The Scripture doesn't say we shouldn't evaluate ourselves, for at the very end of the section it speaks about making proper evaluations about the state of others' relationship with God and what kinds of "holy things" they should be playing with.

In this instance, Mr Haggard won't even allow others to look at the speck of sawdust in his eye as he has closed them shut so that not even he can see it.

Okay, I've made my point. I can go on, but at this point it would be nothing more than an extended remix of what I have just shared. And I also know that I have just opened up a magnifying glass into my own life. Whenever one raises awareness of God's standards, he/she is the first one to be compared to it.

That's fine... bring it on. Judge me... please. Please, please, please... judge me. Not in a labeling sense, but in an evaluative and restorative sense. Push me in places I will box with you to stay out of, because a leader can only lead when he has learned how to follow, and I so desperately want to follow Jesus.

Judge me, not because my life is perfect, but because it isn't...

and I have familiar temptations...

and I welcome (and need) your accountability.

Let's not lower the bar in what it means to lead. Let's keep it right where God put it and grow up into that.

Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. (James 3:1)

Since an overseer is entrusted with God's work, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. (Titus 1:7-9)

an unfortunate/fortunate irony

People with a long history in any environment have credibility when they speak, even if what they say isn't credible.

On the other hand, if what a "veteran" says is credible, such a person can push truth through barriers the average person cannot.

Use your tenure well.

should I stay or should I go now?

Below are a few thoughts I shared with someone who is going through a hard time in his role at a church where he is a staff member.

I first asked him what he thought he deserved. The question caught him off guard, but he answered it as best as he could. As the conversation continued, this is what I said next.

Me:

Look at it.

Look at what you wrote

Take it all in.

You have assembled some very honest feelings of frustrations.

Frustrations that haven't been solved and are snowballing.

An avalanche is coming... within you.

So let's hit pause on it for a moment.

Second question.

Tell me about why you came to this church.

Him:

God called us there, I know that


Me:

Simple enough.

Now...

If God called you there...

it was because there is a need...

people who need to be redeemed...

people who need to grow...

to embrace Him...

to stop being petty...

to see Him for who He is...

to see themselves for who He says they can be and really are...

to understand their role in this world...

to not settle for playing church, but to rise up and BE the Church...

and it takes someone called by God...

someone like you...

to help them see that.

And...

you do.

And...

you are called.

And...

until God places the same level of calling on you to leave...

that He put on you to come...

you should not go anywhere.

(hang with me)

Your wife is getting tired.

You are getting tired.

"These people are a stiff-necked people." - God to Moses

"These people are a stiff-necked people." - God to you

This... is... ministry.

It isn't easy.

It's often hard.

It's often harder than hard,.

But this is ministry.

Yes... we want those accolades.

It should be natural for your pastor to pray with you.

But again... he's insecure.

(We all are, actually.)

And since you see that, you are called to minister to him.

If he can't lead from the top down...

you lead from the bottom up.

You take on the very nature of a servant as Jesus did.

And you may get crucified for it...

but you're in Good Company if you do.

Jesus gets it.

Jesus understands.

And Jesus has asked you to join Him in reviving a group of people who are asleep.

Asleep in the church... and asleep in your town.

And it takes one person who is willing to be wide-awake to do it.

Reality check.... you may not see the change while you are there.

It may take years before you get an email that says, "Thanks for what you did. God changed my life because of it."

But that email will come.

Because you love God, and God loves you and wants to work through you.

You serve. You serve with 100% of your effort for the glory of God. And if they become petty and want to get rid of you, they will. But it won't be because you gave them a reason.

That will be their sin. Your sin would be buying into it.

Don't let their angst create angst in you.

And don't leave until God tells you.

Have you ever seen people just "up and leave" a church for the wrong reasons? Or stay for the money and job security - even more wrong reasons?

What do you make of what I challenged this young man with? I know it's not the American way, but is it the Gospel?

on the firing of a friend

Once upon a time, a company named Youth Specialties was born. The world of youth ministry was never so blessed by a group of crazy, wide-eyed believers who thought that you could enter the life of a teenager in the name of Jesus and help turn their hearts toward Him. They believed this could be accomplished through many avenues... be it through props and object lessons or contemplative prayer and creative worship outlets.

A whole generation of pastors emerged out of this movement... people who caught that vision and realized it was the same one God was birthing in their hearts.

It wasn't too long ago that Youth Specialties and the entire world of youth ministry had a tragic lost when one of its co-founders, a guy named Mike Yaconelli, died in an unexpected, tragic way. The staff of this flagship organization felt the loss, and then rallied together to honor God.

Times become tough, though, and soon YS entered into a relationship with Zondervan. For those of you who may not know, this is another flagship ministry in the Christian world - specifically in the products, resources, and occasional events they put forth on a regular basis. The new umbrella of this parent organization meant (and perhaps, still means) some of the old will have to adjust to the new.

As a reflection, more recently, another key leader - Tic Long - stepped out of his role at YS. Tic was a former YS President who in recent years had assumed duties that took him into the heart of the YS events. When this happened, other positions were also eliminated. This also was a hit, and the staff rallied together to honor God.

And then this week, the President of YS - affectionately known as "Marko" - was let go by the parent organization Zondervan. And again, the staff is rallying together to honor God.

While much can be said on the negative side (and already has been), I just want to convey my absolute respect and prayers for everyone involved who is attempting to turn this into a God thing... in every hurt and hit.

Sometimes Christian businesses convey "Christ." Other times they convey "business."

In my opinion (and experience), it should always be the former.

Always.

That doesn't mean you don't act as a business, but it means that even when you do you need to convey Christ.

I know after all that build up I have presented, I should conclude with an opinion about what has happened. Pardon me for sidestepping that, but I am simply not in the position to do so. In fact, hardly anyone is... because we simply don't know all the details.

So to take my own advice - and perhaps to give some - that's it... that's all I have to say about that. I have reached out as God has led me to my friend Marko, but I am often struck by the temptation to become a peanut gallery beyond God's leading.

So... may God be honored in what has happened, is happening, and will happen.

And may that include those of us on the sidelines.

what separates the Christians from the Church

You've perhaps heard that the church has let a few people down.

I'm one of them.

Both, I mean.

I've been let down... and I've let people down.

Which is why I have been chewing on a phrase lately that I think sums up what most of us miss out on relationally.

And it's what separates the Christians from truly being the Church...

or what helps us lay the foundation for significant growth, both numerical and spiritual.

"Pinky Swear."

Remember the "Pinky Swear?" You'd be hanging out with your friends and someone would make a commitment - some sort of inclination that he/she would do something. Maybe it was an actual task like, "I'll give you my old bike when I get a new bike." Or maybe it was something more relational like, "We're going to be best friends forever."

And someone would say out loud "Pinky swear." And you'd do it.

Kind of silly, isn't it? Now we're older and we know better. We're extra careful not to Pinky Swear too much because we want to keep our options open.

The Pinky Swear is our first hint at "Covenant relationships."

I know that word "covenant" seems like an ancient word, and it is... it underscores something we've forgotten - namely, "What can we do for this relationship?"

In contrast, we tend to live more "contractually." In other words, "What can you do for me?"


Do you see a problem with that trend?

(Of course you do.)


But where do you see a problem with it - be it inside your friends (the easy place to spot it) and/or inside of you (the harder place to spot it)?

Today I dropped a couple of neighbors off at the airport because they needed a ride. As I was about to pull away, one of them knocked on the van door and asked, "What do we owe you?" I appreciated the question, but have to admit it caught me off guard... because to love my neighbor doesn't have strings attached to it.

Should it? Because the world seems to tell me I need to.

For some time it had frustrated me to no end that we have exchanged "covenant relationships" for "feelings-based relationships." We stay in connection as long as we feel good about it, lacking a covenant that involves an "ahead of time commitment" we've formed to be pursuers of one another and builders of something worth building... even when it isn't easy.

Doesn't a covenant sound better? Yeah, I know it sounds harder...

but... doesn't it sound... better?

In any relationship, it is inevitable for disagreements to arise, even among the closest of friends. At times one person will anger another because of allegiances they maintain (or don't maintain) to other people, interests, political parties, churches, and so on. Controversial decisions must be made, especially when one person is engaged in something counterproductive - perhaps even destructive - to themselves and others.

When all of this occurs, a "covenant relationship" is the glue that holds us together... especially when it has been formed in the example of Christ. It's what helps the other person to get where you're coming from.

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:6)

And dare I say it? Covenant relationships are sadly missing in many churches. Which sort of dishonors the name of Jesus who is eternally committed to trying to reconcile with us.

Let me say this even more clearly - if you are a Christian...

Meaning, not that you "go to church" but have embraced the reality of your sin, confessed it before God, received the gift of eternal life He paid for you through His death and resurrection as Jesus Christ, and started on the path of following His guidance each day...

If you are a Christian...

you have no excuse -

n.o...e.x.c.u.s.e -

for not attempting to seek out reconciliation in your relationships...

and not giving up.

(That last part is especially important.)

Will that be difficult? Yes. Feel impossible at times? Without a doubt.

But don't give up. Even if it's one-sided, form a covenant on your end that loves that person "no matter what." This doesn't mean you don't speak redemptive truth into their lives, but that you do so with the resolve that you will work hard to make that relationship healthier and vibrant.

Now... if you disagree on that point, I don't think you understand what happened to you on the day of your salvation. And - please forgive the bluntness of this - but you need to grow up in how serious a deal that is to God.

We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother. (1 John 4:19-21)

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many (Hebrews 12:14-15)

I have this crazy sense that if we can't live that out that people outside of the church have every right to laugh at us. We've become our own punchline - and that's something that just isn't funny anymore.

Otherwise, we can settle for "What can you do more me?" Or as Janet Jackson once put it (and Eddie Murphy underscored), "What have you done for me lately?"

Granted -

• We're not always going to perfectly "be there" for each other, even in a covenant relationship.
  
• Sometimes we will run out of steam and overlook something we should have been at for the other person or make the phone call that is needed on their end.
• One of us may get ticked off and step back to create some space from the other... which is find it if it only in order to come back to the other in a short amount of time so things can move forward again.
  

But in such cases, when the covenant relationship is in place, these are all exceptions... these are "off moments," so to speak. For the covenant that has been established speaks on our behalf.

Otherwise, we can keep opting for the feel-good approach. If "everyone" makes "me" happy, then I am for everyone; if someone makes "me" mad, I am not for "everyone." And then "everyone" can go his or her own way, seeking new relationships, new churches where they can feel good.

Again, it's sad... but when a Church becomes this way - when we take an "everyone" idea and turn it into a "me" idea - we cease to actually be a Church any longer.

Yeah, I said it.


So... why am I writing this?

Is it because this is a problem in the congregation I'm a part of? Or is it because things are actually quite amazing and different and redemptive and we need to commit to each other now before the tension his and we all go running to our corners of the room.

I do believe it's time we answer that question.

Personally, I'm opting for my household being one that is always attempting to invite versus lock the door; and for our church being a community where we speak redemptive, challenging words and live out radical commitment into each others' lives. It's really a remarkable thing and it gives me a hopeful feeling to see what happens when my love for another person represents Jesus to them... and their life gets changed forever.

That's what I'm committed to. But again... that's just me. I'm not abandoning our relationship, even if you tick me off. Or if that guy does... or that gal... or all of them. I'm not ceasing my commitment to you... I'm not going anywhere.

"Pinky swear."

How about you?