it may be time to kick yourself in the tail

How would you respond?

Over the past few weeks, I've sat down with almost a dozen emerging adults - students graduating high school, or those who have been out a few years and are looking for a footing in life. I've offered them "me" - meaning, I will intentionally invest into them in the next year if they want it, but they have to want it. We'll sit down over something deliberate, but my main hope is to unearth all the random stuff that may be holding them back from who God made them to be.

How would you respond?

If someone approached me with such an offer at that age, I would have said "Yeah! I'm in!" but then would have been lazy; I would have said, "Make me a leader - I'm ready!" but shown all kinds of irresponsibility.

I know this because it's exactly what I did when someone offered me that chance.

After graduating high school, I began an internship with my church's student ministry. I had no clue why I was there, especially since there were so many other "qualified" guys in our program who had such a clear calling to ministry. We used to meet at 6am once a week for a Bible study and administrative stuff because it was the only time everyone could get together.

Let me say that again... six o'clock in the morning... for a Bible study and administrative stuff... and I was 18.

After about the eighth time I missed a meeting, I showed up later that morning to have a sheepish conversation with my mentor, Bo Boshers. I caught him in the hallway of our church and started to share what happened. "I'm sorry," I began, "I can't believe I missed another meeting. You don't understand how hard this is..."

"Stop," he said, holding up his hand. "Can I just say something? You're making excuses, and it sounds a lot like whining. Everybody has it tough, and you're no exception. Everyone is busy, and you're no exception. It may be time to kick yourself in the tail and decide if you're going to be here or not. If there was a million dollar check waiting for you this morning, you would have been here. So don't give that line. It's bull, and we both know it."

I didn't know what to say. Thankfully, he continued.

"I know you're going through some tough stuff with your family, but I also know you're using it as an excuse. So let's not kid yourself. I don't care if you were up playing video games and slept in or got up to go fishing instead of coming here - the real question is what is more important? Do you think what we're doing here matters or not? Because if you do, then be here. If not, own it."

"Yeah," I replied. "Again, I'm really sorry."

He paused, as if to look me over. "I know you are. And I know this is going to be different if you stay sorry. Now, let's talk about what you missed."

Although my friendship with Bo and others from that group has changed over the years, that conversation still haunts me to this day in the best way possible. Maybe you need to consider the questions I was faced with:

• What legitimate struggle in my life have I used to create illegitimate excuses for things I don't want to do?
• If a million dollar check was waiting for me somewhere or with someone, how would I approach that priority differently (and what does that say about how I view that priority without it)?
• Is it time to kick myself in the tail?

Jesus said: “A certain man was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests. At the time of the banquet he sent his servant to tell those who had been invited, ‘Come, for everything is now ready.’

But they all alike began to make excuses." (Luke 14:16-18)

an openness to brokenness

An openness to brokenness.

It feels near impossible at times, whether it's the honesty required when trying to lose weight or the denial of your dominant urges when the alarm goes off and you need to get out of bed. It's no wonder why soul care is often neglected, for while we can see the effects of neglecting our bodies we don't always catch how overlooking our spiritual life affects everything else.

But it does.

To clarify, when I say "spiritual life" I don't mean the times you decide to go to a church service or read your Bible... I mean that everything is spiritual, because God is everywhere and a part of everything, whether we recognize in Him or not. This means that folding your laundry or going for a walk in nature can be as spiritual an activity as popping in a praise CD or praying.

If you don't understand this, then take a moment to think about it before you move on a read the rest of what I've written here... otherwise, you'll miss out on the core point.  (Here's a hint - what is the difference between a businessman sitting in a church service merely to get clients versus another sitting right next to them who wants to connect with God through what is about to happen?  And is the same thing possible when you're cooking in the kitchen or watching a movie?)

I'm writing what follows at the request of a couple of friends who have asked me, "How do I get from 'here' to 'there' when it comes to lasting life change?" For example, this past Sunday the speaker in our church services invited people to respond to God by letting Him break them on the inside - from pride, religiosity, sin, and everything else. There is something amazing that can happen in this moment, but we need to fan that flame to be sure the moment becomes a "movement" versus a "monument."  Here are a few thoughts on the factors that need to be in place for this:

1) New Jesus. To follow the real Jesus, you need to trade in the "Jesus" in your head. After all, everyone likes to dress up Jesus in their favorite ways. "Your Jesus kicks people down who ________? Cool!  Oh, my Jesus is the 'Judge not, lest ye be judged' Jesus. He doesn't know any other Bible verses, but that one works just fine. My friend was just showing me his Jesus who doesn't require him to do take part in church services to be a Christian. We might trade next month."

Quit dorking around on this - if you call yourself a Christ-follower, then follow Christ... don't ask Him to follow you. Honestly, that's what we do when we step forward a foot to "say a salvation prayer," and then slow down our growth to millimeters (if that) afterward. Growth is going to look differently for everyone... but it does boil down to you looking to take another step with God versus defend the steps you've already taken.

2) New community. Surround yourself with people who aren't just nodding their head at Jesus, but who are making sacrificial steps forward with Him. Let's face it, if you want to keep doing what you're doing without anyone passing judgment on whatever it is, you can find other people in any church who want the same. We'll sort of not say anything to one another, and keep on doing what we all like doing... and we'll write it off as just "another version of Christianity - you have yours, and I have mine." We'll even feel good about how we're doing a few things for God, like helping out or showing up.

When that happens, no one grows... even though we think we are. So find brothers and sisters in the faith who will sharpen you as you sharpen them. Tell them, "I want Jesus to be my number one priority in life... can you kick my tail on this?"

3) New habits. What in life do you need to say "no" to that you've said "yes" to in order to propel further down the road with God? What about the reverse - what do you need to say "yes" to Him on that you've been otherwise resistant to? Confess these in all truthfulness - in fact, use that "community" from step 2 to be a part of that. Make sure another spiritually-mature Christian knows 100% (beyond a pastor, that is - we are easy to confess to, even though we're not easy to confess to, if you catch my drift). And then share your idea to start a 1-3 new habits into your life, asking him or her to fan this flame in you.

4) New food. Don't wait until the next upcoming church service or Bible study to get fed... feed yourself spiritually, or read up on how to feed yourself spiritually - like this article: http://www.christians.org/grow/grow01.html  Find a Bible plan that you will be consistent with, and dig in.

Why? Because if you don't eat you won't be healthy... and you will have zero strength when something or someone in the world strikes at you.

----

The bottom line? You need to have an openness to brokenness  - what God has broken up inside of you now must be rebuilt into something new. And He has given you a large part of the responsibility in this.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. (Galatians 5:22-26)

This "fruit" of the Spirit is the product of spending time with God - not the predecessor or the point.

Which means if you want to want what God offers, you have to want God - not what He offers.

And to gain Him and that, you must till the soil of your heart, do some digging, plant the right seeds, water it, and expose it to the Son... and as it grows, you will be able to feed yourself and others around you.

The change you want to see in the world begins in you.

when your i.q. replaces your q's

Have you ever noticed how easy it is for us as people to live our lives amazed at our own brilliance, never letting anyone speak truth and hard love into us?  Rather than asking new questions that might reverse old conclusions, some people live in the comfort that they can't possibly be wrong.

This honestly breaks my heart... for a teachable spirit is more useful in life than an arrogant one. It creates bridges instead of fences; it invites wisdom versus arrogance.

Of course, the second I think I have this right in my own life means I've crossed that very line.

Quite the intriguing tension.

On which side will you tend to live?

Some truths will be learned by foresight and revelation; some truths will be learned by hindsight and tribulation. Most of the time, you choose the path... but it requires humility and a teachable spirit versus arrogance and a sense that you're wiser than everyone else.

Which will you typically run with?

seeing my blind spots

I made a friendship covenant with four people... people who see me from a variety of angles and different personalities.

Specifically, I handed each a slip of paper that reads as follows:

Our friendship is important to me, as are your insights into my life to help me become more like Jesus. I’m asking you to over the next week to speak 100% truth into me, be it encouragement I can handle in the right way or discouragement from things I’m doing the wrong way. I commit to be a good listener.... please be a gentle yet honest speaker.

There's also a spot for my signature, and I signed it to indicate my intent to be open. That in itself is a challenge for any of us, including me. Because the moment someone starts to tell you something that you haven't dealt with it's easy to get defensive.

And yet I am committed to any growing pains, which means that for the next week or so I will be extra aware of some of the blind spots in my life.

Tonight I'm also taking part in a "360 Degree Review" with the lead team I serve in our church. This is another opportunity for us to help one another better figure out what we should continue to do, where small adjustments should be made, and what kind of major course corrections are needed. This is truly a big deal, for the health of a church fulfilling its God-given vision begins within the spiritual and relational DNA of its leadership.

Needless to say, in all of this I will have to remain open to new ideas and filter those through my sense of how God is leading my life. I'm looking forward to who I may become on the other end of it all. Thanks for your prayers in this process, because I want to grab what matters and cast aside what doesn't.

you can't handle the truth

I have always been impressed by the ability of others to make bold statements that sum up an appropriate tension. And even more so, when those statements are so filled with truth that they help you "feel and think" at the same time. For instance:

• "The Church is a whore, but she is my mother." - Augustine
  
  
• "Where you live should not determine whether you live or die." - Bono
  
  
• "I had a professor one time... He said, 'Class, you will forget almost everything I will teach you in here, so please remember this: that God spoke to Balaam through his jackass, and He has been speaking through jackasses ever since. So, if God should choose to speak through you, you need not think too highly of yourself. And, if on meeting someone, right away you recognize what they are, listen to them anyway'."" - Rich Mullins

There are times when those thoughts need to creep up into you, like a whisper someone plants behind your brain when you aren't looking. Later you turn your head and your parietal lobe catches wind of it... and you are forever stunned and changed by it. It's something out of left field, and yet it isn't... its out of the box, and completely within your box.

"Wow," you say, "I had no clue, and they helped me see it."

And then there are moments when we need someone to pull us into the locker room, shut the door, and throw their clipboard or hat across the room at us. It's a bit edgier to be sure, evidenced by the sweat on their forehead and blood in their cheeks... and as they call us on the carpet for something we've been otherwise coy about, our heads droop... be it from conviction or self-examination.

"Wow," you say, "I had a clue, and they made me face it."

In both instances, you can't handle the truth.

Oh, you'll try... you'll put your fingers on it, but find that you can quite grasp it all because it's like trying to palm an over-sized medicine ball in one hand. The weight alone makes you want to drop it, not to mention the size and depth and width that you simply cannot contain.

It's one reason, by the way, that you need a community outside your own household to help you process the most important things in life. Say... a church?

So typically we'll take a portion of the truth presented - the piece that we were able to put our own fingerprints on - and walk away with only that piece. Some may defy this and attempt to take that piece and bring the whole ball with them later so that they can better digest it over time and study. But this is a rare breed, for the usual Joe or Jane will focus in on one thing, and one thing alone.

Sometimes that one thing is good - it's a thought or an "Aha!" idea that they walk away and do something. Other times, though, that one thing is merely a piece of truth that distracts from the others. Maybe it's a love or a hate for how the other person shared the thought... and so now the focus is less on the truth itself and more on the messenger of it.

I dare you to be the rare breed. While you can't handle the truth, you can *keep on* handling it... turning it... sizing it up... digesting it into your life.

And that journey alone will push you into new places of growth that you otherwise would have stopped off and settled for something lesser on.

Learn the truth, keep handling the truth, and the truth will set you free.

"To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, 'If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'" (John 8:31-32)

capturing the now

"Gentlemen you're going to be on the field 75 plays. Two or three of those plays will determine the outcome of this game. Unfortunately I can't tell you which ones they're going to be. Therefore you're going to have to play them all." - Vince Lombardi

Something I've been reminding myself (and the amazing members of Connection Church) in recent days is that today is Gameday... and every day is. Specifically, I'm referring to the fact that the greatest moment of your life is right now, for the greatest thing that could ever happen in your life is just a decision away. And to top it off, it's not just an "us" thing... the God of the universe is about to throw each of us a pass that He hopes we each catch and move down the field.

Maybe that sounds somewhat inspirational, because it absolutely is. Yet it drives us to question, "What does that practically mean?" and "How do I 'capture the now' of the moment?"

• The first issue is mindfulness: People step up into their God-given destiny - be it on a daily basis or for their whole lives - when they stop seeing life through small eyes. This doesn't happen naturally, for it requires something "beyond natural" - or "supernatural" - to show us what that we are otherwise blind to. The question is would you rather be blind to such an option or would you rather know what you're missing out on? The worst thing we can do is continue to believe our assumptions on their own will always be right.
  
  How aware are you of the greatest thing that could come out of your life on any given day? Do you allow your mind and heart to imagine yourself taking part in something so glorious that the sheer thought of it makes you weep?
  
  
• The second issue is motive: It's one thing to see what your life can be, and another to find a reason to decide to embrace it. A motive empowers you to live against the grain of the status quo you have set your life to live within. Until enduring the pain of this staus quo becomes greater than the pain of change, we will keep doing what we do and never jump into the vibrant life of reconnecting with our Creator (and our created purpose).
  
  What would it take for you to get off your duff about something you know you need to get off your duff about? A moment of brokenness? Another person?
  
  
• The third issue is method: We need to establish a new trend in this generation to not let the fear of the unknown paralyze us from action. It seems like previous generations threw themselves into whatever needed to happen, even when they didn't know how to solve their problems. We're so used to Google and Mapquest telling us our answers that we freeze up with indirection when the clear steps are not outlined. Maybe Door #1 won't open the way you want it to, so how about seeing if Door #2 is actually a backdoor to get you into the same room?
  
  What tools do you use throughout your day that help you get your most important stuff done? Do those tools make sense to continue to use with this renewed endeavor?
  
  
• The fourth issue is membership: We all need more than a purpose... we need a committed community of purpose that will surround us with others who have decided to not settle for the status quo. Some may feel comfortable enough to open up, while others will simply enjoy the presence of being around others. Either way, we gain a network of relationships that allows us to discover the things that must change - which, ironically, is only possible to have any form of accuracy when we are linked into the one thing that will never change - God Himself.
  
  Are the people you're connected to going to help you simply "be happy?" Or will they help you become more than you are or even imagine for yourself?
  
  
• The fifth issue is maintenance: All of the previous steps have created a culture, and so the remaining step is to be sure that culture stays relevant. Simply put, this means taking eternal truth and being sure it is connected to the "here and now." Every hurdle will give you an opportunity to distinguish between what is the core purpose of your life (i.e. "What I simply must do") versus that which is merely circumstantial (i.e. "What I do because that's the way my life is.").
  
  Are you willing to create a culture that is intentional about upgrading growth potential and downsizing comfort when appropriate?
  

If you want to be a part of something that has real purpose and eternal value to it, you have to be willing to capture the now. Sure, it may take a bit of advance work, but it's well worth it.

It's Gameday.

what do I do now?

What do I do now?

Most of us have asked that question at some point in our lives, and these days it's becoming more common.

• That I am out of time to do all that is asked of me?
• That we won't be able to cover that medical bill?
• That it costs me nearly $100 to fill up my car?
• That I'm behind on my mortgage?
• That I feel like I'm all alone in life? On this goal? In seeing the big picture?
  

What do I do now?

Most of us usually have a reaction that attempts to compensate. We rant to a friend, hoping that by venting it will change how we feel... or we hoard what we can and turn our attention inward... or (ironically) we spend money and time on indulgences, attempting to "feel good" more than we "feel bad." Others do nothing, and begin to feel like nothing for doing so.

When you are in a season like this, you do have an action step to take. For in the midst of chaos you can actually emerge with stronger convictions about what *really* matters and what doesn't. You will decide things like, "Maybe I don't need that ___________ after all," or "You know, it was worth sacrificing for ___________ because it has affected so many people, including myself."

I've learned that these seasons are not vacuum moments, though. The kind of moves that you make in the "plenty" times put you ahead of things when the "lean" times hit. For instance, paying off debt will save you a bill when you "can't" pay it; making good relational investments now will create a stock of support that is more powerful than any financial portfolio; investing into your relationship with God will cause you to actually pray (and not blaspheme) when the junk hits and you cry out, "Oh my God."

What do I do now?

Great question. Instead of focusing on what you can't control, take baby steps and big steps where you can.

Invest into yourself:

• Start exercising again.
• Open up your Bible at least once a day, no matter how long you read... but read it.
• Choose better food to eat.
• Write or paint or draw - express yourself somehow.
• Read a book - something fun.
• Do your best work in whatever work you do.
  
• Intentionally put yourself into a role that you are not confident in, and grow in that.
  

Invest into your household:

• Have times/days where you turn the electronics off.
• Crank up music and dance with the people you live with,
• Do a chore that isn't yours, and don't tell anyone about it.
• Spice up something outside of where you live - your yard, your neighborhood, etc.
• Look at the people around the table when they talk, and be fully present.
  

Invest into your relationships:

• Look up an old friend.
• Talk to someone who is giving you the cold shoulder.
• Ask someone you work with or see, "How can I help you out today?"
• Do something significant with the significant people in your life.

Granted, these are all ideas... not solutions. But they will build muscles in these areas. If on some point you go, "Yeah, but..." then make up your own list by asking a very simple question:

What do I do now?