can you do the two-step?

A friend of mine recently shared this: "If you’re one step ahead of your people, you’re a leader, if you’re three steps ahead, you’re a target.”

Let me add to his thought...

If you're perceived to be one step ahead of your people, you're a leader.  If you're not at least one step further in reality, though, you're going to become a target."

It's a tough balance, isn't it?  On one hand, you want to be growing in such a way that you don't say things because you need to sound important but because you've wrestled with important things and actually have something to say.  Otherwise you'll make stuff up to sound useful and end up creating a target on your back because of how it frustrates others.

On the other hand, people don't want to feel looked down on.  I've found that when people find out I'm a pastor they freak out... all sorts of baggage comes to the surface as the say things like, "Oh... yeah... that's cool.  I... um... I have a brother who used to go to church a lot.  And... I like Easter."

Sometimes people aren't so much rejecting you as much as they are their perception of you.

Case in point, there are people in my life whom I've tried to reach out... but rejected it.  For instance, one person thought he "already knew" everything I was going to say in a situation... so why should he listen?  Meanwhile, he kept on asking others for "advice" because he was so "open" and "interested" in what people could tell him about his blind spots.  Argh.

In that situation, it was all about perception.  He felt I had nothing to offer him, or perhaps I would do it in such a way that felt condescending.

I've found that this isn't an issue for truly humble people... they are willing to reach for higher goals than that, finding mentors who are well-schooled in things they are not.  But often due to pride, most people won't do that... they listen to you if they feel you're within an arm's reach of them, but not further.

Even though in reality you'd be be at least one step further down the road... lest you assume a role you shouldn't.

I think the best example of this was Jesus, who being in very nature God chose to humble Himself and take on the nature of a servant.  He was obviously anchored well and yet was so approachable... so able to connect with our needs up close.

Maybe there's a lesson in there.

Thoughts?

a tune-up on hospitality

Right now, I'm hanging out in one of the coolest waiting rooms I've ever been in at an oil change place. They gave me the remote to a big screen TV, showed me where the free snacks and drinks (hot and cold beverages are), and even provided me a comfy wooden pad to put my laptop on. Totally digging it... including the Wi-Fi they're giving me to write this out on,

Whenever I see well-thought out hospitality, I think, "What can I learn from that?"

For instance, when I was walking in I was greeted by someone outside. Then as I came in the door, I was about to notice the small space right at the door but instead became distracted by the warm welcome... from three people. The usual handshakes were there, the guy in the somewhat worn blue work shirt heading into the garage area... another guy in a cleaner blue work shirt standing behind the desk, the guy dressed up just a bit who was probably the owner. Then a nicely dressed lady popped out of nowhere (maybe the owner's wife?) and said, "Have you ever been here before? Let me show you around."

That's when I got the remote and all the other complimentary treats... in the fridge, juice and soda (even something called "Candy Cane Pop"); on the table, a basket full of snack packs with everything from Pringles and chips to Oreos and Nurti-Grain bars.  Then I was told I could win the big screen TV if I wanted to enter a contest, and a Wii if I wanted to enter another.

Oh... the best part? It's all free. I had a coupon to come in here and get a free oil change. I know, I know... it's so they can figure out what else is wrong on my car. But I felt spoiled, and I might just let them.

I wonder... are there any implications and applications... for my household and yours... and the church?

you are being watched

A buddy of mine once worked at an Office Max and began describing to me the interactions he and other employees had with a certain customer who frequently came in for copies. The guy was not only self-centered in how he spoke with everyone, but was regularly bossy and condescending in his instructions on what he wanted.

It was driving my buddy crazy... mainly because my friend is a Christian, and this guy was a local pastor.

For months this went on, and as soon as the customer would leave a conversation would begin about how hypocritical the guy was and how "all Christians are that way."  This was a hard challenge for my friend, especially because (like anyone) he isn't perfect but is in a growing relationship with God.  So he not only had to deal with his own shortcomings, but found himself apologizing for the customer's behavior... like when you bring a date to a family gathering and are embarrassed by your crazy uncle or aunt.

We all have someone watching us.  Maybe it's in your own household... a kid. a parent, a sibling, another family member, or a roommate who wants to know if we are the real deal or all talk and no show.  Perhaps it's a neighbor or a co-worker... a fellow student or someone we see at the gym.   Everyone holds everyone to a standard, be it appropriately or inappropriately.

And it truly is tough.  Sometimes we are held to an unfair ideal of perfection where we aren't allowed to fail, even when it's accidental.  Maybe someone has been so hurt by someone else in the past that they watch you with ten magnifying glasses, hoping you mess up so they can feel vindicated for their feelings.  It's nothing against you, but you represent the closest persona to that previous hurt... and so the anger they throw at you may be because you are that proxy to their true target.

All the more reason to not fake a good life, but to live an authentic one.  By walking the walk you talk, maybe you can actually begin to redefine what it all means.  In my buddy's case, he had the chance to better represent Christianity even though it had been grossly misrepresented by this other gentleman.

Sure, you'll make mistakes.  But I've found that when I do it's better to tell someone who is quick to point them out, "Thank you for noticing that.  I'm a work in progress, and I need people around me to help me catch stuff I'm missing.  Since you caught that, would you help me grow in that area?"

I wonder... what if we weren't afraid to fail in front of others, but chose to let anyone who noticed to help us grow?

Case in point, my buddy began to speak up a bit when that customer would come in.  Nothing overt or antagonistic, but nothing neutral either.  And then one day - clear out of the blue - the guy came in to apologize.  He said that God had been convicting Him of some things that he'd been doing wrong, and one of them involved the way he'd been treating the employees of that store.  He asked for forgiveness, which not only spoke to my friend but to others he worked with.

The next time someone calls you out on something... will you be quick to defend and justify your "right" to be full of yourself?  Or will you be humble enough to grow?

Maybe the reason people around you are the way they are... is because you're contributing to their attitude in more ways than you realize.  And maybe by casting down your pride your might find a hand waiting to pull you up.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. (James 4:10)