forgiveness is a commitment

Forgiveness is not a feeling.

Forgiveness is not a choice.

Forgiveness is a commitment. 

It doesn't mean you can easily forget what happened, but that you will consciously choose not to focus on what happened.

It doesn't mean the relationship returns back to how unhealthy things were, but that you are embracing what a healthy new alternative to the relationship needs to be.

Forgiveness is a commitment. 

It's you giving grace... instead of you holding a grudge.

It's you trying to grow up personally... instead of you trying to grow your support publicly.

It's you moving forward... instead of you replaying the past.

It's you giving a gift to someone... instead of you demanding that person satisfy a debt you feel.

It's you releasing... instead of you gripping.

It's you owning what you did wrong... instead of you waiting for the other person to own what you think they did wrong.

It's you taking actual steps in this... instead of you looking for the "Yeah, but what if they..." loophole.

It's you not doing all of this one day... but you doing all of this every day - every day.

Forgiveness is a commitment. 

Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13b)

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. (Romans 12:3)

what moving on is supposed to look like

A quick message to my friends who toss around the title "Christian."

You know how you hate it when people make up their mind about you? 

Return the favor - let go of some of your passionate ideas about them.

We are all impacted by confirmation bias. We develop a belief about a person or situation then seek out information that amplifies that belief. You'll easily find a handful of others who will feed into what you've concluded, so you can then assume you're justified.

Be careful - it's possible for large groups of people or even one other person to keep you from reconciling tension. We all can help one another feel we're justified in being hacked off, and sometimes even feel it's okay because it happens among fellow church attendees who tell us exactly what we want to hear. Meanwhile, all we've done is further the tension and not actually followed Jesus.

Reconciliation, on the other hand? 

There is real peace in doing that... ironically even when it's done by yourself. 

"If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you... (forgive) not seven times, but seventy-seven times." - Jesus, Matthew 18:15,22

"Nah, Jesus. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. See you this weekend! I'll high-five you on the way into Your house." - the average person

P.S. I've written this after having made space in my heart this past week for people that I need to forgive. They didn't ask for it, and likely never will. Still, it's a done deal and if given the chance one day I'd love to share that with them. Moving on...