conan o'brien's spin on larry king

"Larry King’s retiring after hosting “Larry King Live” for 25 years. Personally, I think hosting anything longer than 7 months is overkill." - Conan O'Brien

Read more about Larry King's retirement here:
http://www.examiner.com/x-704-Pop-Media-Examiner~y2010m6d30-Larry-King-show-to-end-after-25-years-nearly-50000-interviews--Piers-Morgan-to-step-in

loving our neighbor as we love ourselves

You really learn a lot about a town and its people by cleaning its gas station and restaurant bathrooms.

Then again, you really learn a lot about yourself, too, and what it means to serve as Jesus served.

From the strangers we may never see but served today at the Waffle House and a whole line of gas stations, it's quite joyful and amazing to love your neighbor as you love yourself.

Or as one of my sons put it as we were scrubbing away in a gross restroom, "Dad, I'm not sure why, but I really feel good doing this kind of stuff. Like it just sort of makes sense."


Maybe because his quote tracks back another, "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet." - Jesus, John 13:14

dealing with critics

Pardon my crassness, but criticism sucks.

I mean that in the way you think I mean it, but I also mean that it can suck the life out you if you let it.

If you let it.

I've been reminded of this raising up my boys and trying to help them realize that another kid's thoughtless comment doesn't need to define their thoughts about themselves.  Then again, how many of us adults struggle with that very issue?  A wise man once said, "If your critics control you, you're defeated."

So here are a handful of thoughts on how to respond to the critics in your life:

• Decide in the moment who will ultimately be the loudest voice in your life.
  
  For me, this is God Himself.  There are so many promises to claim, but as Jesus Himself said, "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." (John 10:27)  This means that I spend time consider His promises to me, I remove the authority from the critic... because ultimately he/she only has as much as I give him/her.
  
  
• Respond... don't react.
  
  Too often we let the critic determine the timetable, be it from their egging on or immature actions.  Don't let their sense of urgency create one in you... rather, choose to respond at the right time.
  
  "A man's wisdom gives him patience;it is to his glory to overlook an offense." (Prov. 19:11)
  
  
• Be open, having a positive spirit. 
  
  There is tremendous gain when you confess your obvious short-comings, so affirm any valid concerns that are brought up and share (with a positive spirit) your own sense of self.  "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Provers 15:1)
  This doesn't mean you need to agree with the details of what is shared, but the spirit behind it.  For example, "I don't know if we see eye to eye on everything you're saying, but I do think we see eye to eye on why you're bringing it up.  Is this about your desire to see ________ succeed?"
  
  
• Take the initiative to reconcile.
  
  There is no need to turn a situational rift into relational murder.  Step up and into awkward moments so the "elephant in the room" that everyone is ignoring doesn't destroy you, then, and everyone around.
  
  That awkward first conversation?  Have it... and then move on to a slightly less awkward second conversation.  And then an even less awkward third conversation, and so on.
  
  Of course, there are times when a hard-hearted person had to be handed over to God for discipline.  But it's in our nature to jump to that step without putting in the hard work of loving someone who has persecuted us.  Isn't that what the Gospel is about? Isn't that what Jesus has modeled to us?

You may not be able to help being criticized.
What you can help is to not be controlled by it.

give and take

We all know that every healthy relationship is two-sided, but what we may not recognize are the ways we tend to make them unhealthy and one-sided. Some of us are great takers and awful givers, while others enjoy giving but become too prideful to receive the care others hope we take.  This can be true of every relational environment we're in, be it where we live, work, play, or volunteer.

Consider how in your life you may take part in the following attitudes and actions that may ultimately derail your connections from being a two-way street:

• Unhealthy "takers" tend to struggle with:

• "You represent a way for me to get ahead."
• "Unless you give me praise or a raise, I have no interest in sticking around."
• "Where's the clock? Because that determines how much effort I put forth and when." 
• "Is the spotlight on me?  Good... now let me do something good."
• "Good enough is good enough."
• "If I overlook something, someone else will sweep up after me."
• "I'm sure somebody will take care of that."
  
  

• Unhealthy "givers" tend to struggle with:

• "Do this for everyone else, except for me."
• "When are you going to realize what I did for you?"
• "You decide... whatever makes you happy."
• "How can you criticize me when you have no clue about all that I do around here?"
• "Well, I don't really have time to talk... but... okay."
• "Fine, I'll do it. Argh!"
• "I can't remember why I started doing this in the first place."

As you can imagine, all of this creates a disconnect in communication, emotional distance, unrealistic expectations, control issues, and a lack of true intimacy with those around us.

A glimpse at the first few chapters of the Bible remind us that we were created to give and take, from the food we take care of and eat to relationships where mutual sacrifice matters.  Aim for this balance in all things, knowing that there may be seasons of life where you need to do one more than another.

To be able to have it all, you gotta be able to give back.  To be able to give back, you need to be able to receive it all.