should I stay or should I go now?

Below are a few thoughts I shared with someone who is going through a hard time in his role at a church where he is a staff member.

I first asked him what he thought he deserved. The question caught him off guard, but he answered it as best as he could. As the conversation continued, this is what I said next.

Me:

Look at it.

Look at what you wrote

Take it all in.

You have assembled some very honest feelings of frustrations.

Frustrations that haven't been solved and are snowballing.

An avalanche is coming... within you.

So let's hit pause on it for a moment.

Second question.

Tell me about why you came to this church.

Him:

God called us there, I know that


Me:

Simple enough.

Now...

If God called you there...

it was because there is a need...

people who need to be redeemed...

people who need to grow...

to embrace Him...

to stop being petty...

to see Him for who He is...

to see themselves for who He says they can be and really are...

to understand their role in this world...

to not settle for playing church, but to rise up and BE the Church...

and it takes someone called by God...

someone like you...

to help them see that.

And...

you do.

And...

you are called.

And...

until God places the same level of calling on you to leave...

that He put on you to come...

you should not go anywhere.

(hang with me)

Your wife is getting tired.

You are getting tired.

"These people are a stiff-necked people." - God to Moses

"These people are a stiff-necked people." - God to you

This... is... ministry.

It isn't easy.

It's often hard.

It's often harder than hard,.

But this is ministry.

Yes... we want those accolades.

It should be natural for your pastor to pray with you.

But again... he's insecure.

(We all are, actually.)

And since you see that, you are called to minister to him.

If he can't lead from the top down...

you lead from the bottom up.

You take on the very nature of a servant as Jesus did.

And you may get crucified for it...

but you're in Good Company if you do.

Jesus gets it.

Jesus understands.

And Jesus has asked you to join Him in reviving a group of people who are asleep.

Asleep in the church... and asleep in your town.

And it takes one person who is willing to be wide-awake to do it.

Reality check.... you may not see the change while you are there.

It may take years before you get an email that says, "Thanks for what you did. God changed my life because of it."

But that email will come.

Because you love God, and God loves you and wants to work through you.

You serve. You serve with 100% of your effort for the glory of God. And if they become petty and want to get rid of you, they will. But it won't be because you gave them a reason.

That will be their sin. Your sin would be buying into it.

Don't let their angst create angst in you.

And don't leave until God tells you.

Have you ever seen people just "up and leave" a church for the wrong reasons? Or stay for the money and job security - even more wrong reasons?

What do you make of what I challenged this young man with? I know it's not the American way, but is it the Gospel?

on the firing of a friend

Once upon a time, a company named Youth Specialties was born. The world of youth ministry was never so blessed by a group of crazy, wide-eyed believers who thought that you could enter the life of a teenager in the name of Jesus and help turn their hearts toward Him. They believed this could be accomplished through many avenues... be it through props and object lessons or contemplative prayer and creative worship outlets.

A whole generation of pastors emerged out of this movement... people who caught that vision and realized it was the same one God was birthing in their hearts.

It wasn't too long ago that Youth Specialties and the entire world of youth ministry had a tragic lost when one of its co-founders, a guy named Mike Yaconelli, died in an unexpected, tragic way. The staff of this flagship organization felt the loss, and then rallied together to honor God.

Times become tough, though, and soon YS entered into a relationship with Zondervan. For those of you who may not know, this is another flagship ministry in the Christian world - specifically in the products, resources, and occasional events they put forth on a regular basis. The new umbrella of this parent organization meant (and perhaps, still means) some of the old will have to adjust to the new.

As a reflection, more recently, another key leader - Tic Long - stepped out of his role at YS. Tic was a former YS President who in recent years had assumed duties that took him into the heart of the YS events. When this happened, other positions were also eliminated. This also was a hit, and the staff rallied together to honor God.

And then this week, the President of YS - affectionately known as "Marko" - was let go by the parent organization Zondervan. And again, the staff is rallying together to honor God.

While much can be said on the negative side (and already has been), I just want to convey my absolute respect and prayers for everyone involved who is attempting to turn this into a God thing... in every hurt and hit.

Sometimes Christian businesses convey "Christ." Other times they convey "business."

In my opinion (and experience), it should always be the former.

Always.

That doesn't mean you don't act as a business, but it means that even when you do you need to convey Christ.

I know after all that build up I have presented, I should conclude with an opinion about what has happened. Pardon me for sidestepping that, but I am simply not in the position to do so. In fact, hardly anyone is... because we simply don't know all the details.

So to take my own advice - and perhaps to give some - that's it... that's all I have to say about that. I have reached out as God has led me to my friend Marko, but I am often struck by the temptation to become a peanut gallery beyond God's leading.

So... may God be honored in what has happened, is happening, and will happen.

And may that include those of us on the sidelines.

3 things great leaders do that we never forget

According to Jill Geisler, head of the Leadership and Management Group at Poynter, workers trust, respect, and follow the best leaders and managers not just because they’re smart and have influence. She writes:

"There are no flawless bosses. Even the great ones have their quirks. But they possess something that overshadows their shortcomings: the trust of people who choose to follow them."

She goes on to illustrate three things that followers/workers truly value and remember about their leaders:

• How a boss apologizes—Apologies should be sincere, specific, and public when needed. Leaders who admit and apologize for their errors are deemed as stronger.
  
  
• My observation: Consider Psalm 51 - it is a public confession of King David's sin. Did you ever consider that he could have continued to sweep this under the carpet, but instead came out with it?
  
  
  
• How a boss handles an employee’s error—Great leaders know a first-rate employee regrets an honest mistake. The leader listens to and speaks with the employee to learn what caused the error, how to avoid again it in the future, and how to best handle it now.
  
  
• My observation: I have watched what happens when people come to me with behaviors or actions that they feel ashamed of and I try to take the approach Jesus took with the woman caught in adultery. He didn't slam her with a label, but began by calling her "woman." There is something that builds between two people when we respond with dignity in their embarrassment.
  
  
  
• How a boss responds to an important personal life event—Workers never forget when their leader supports them in both joyful and tragic situations such as funerals, weddings, child’s illness, etc.
  
  
• My observation: It drives me crazy when I can't be present for someone's tragedy... because when I have been there I see how significant it is to weep and laugh with someone else. Some of my best friendships - ironically - we deepened by a tragedy.
  

Great leaders work hard to earn the trust of others, but sometimes it's as simple as these three areas. When people see a clear, healthy correlation between a leader’s values and his/her actions, they will never forget.

Where have you seen this play out in your life?

boldly and respectfully disagreeing

Recently, I received an email to an event in our region from a ministry that offered the following incentive:

The student of your youth group who brings the most friends who have not trusted Christ will be entered into a drawing to watch the Lake Erie Monsters game from a Luxury Suite at the “Q” (with the friends they brought) and they and their friends will be given free food vouchers for the concession area.

For those of you who don't know, I have a long background in youth ministry and have seen the positives and negatives of such incentives. I've watched what happens when a minister/pastor uses such motives to fill seats, and know common motivators that will often push them to do so.

Because I've done this myself. And I've also seen the fallout firsthand.

Which is why I wrote back.

Hi... I'm not sure where you are at in your day as you read this, so I hope you receive this well. While I appreciate your heart for evangelism I need to boldly challenge you with how you are going about it with this event.

I am absolutely not on board with this reward system you have in place. It runs the risk of unsaved friends who are invited to this event finding out they were notch marks for the student who invited them, and imagine how that will come across. In fact, I have seen that ruin a person's chance of coming to Christ on more than once occasion.

I'm sure that you have a rationale on how this is about bringing more kids to your event to hear about Jesus, but in the end it is also about bringing more kids to your event... attendance... and a reward system that can cause young ones to stumble.

You mention "principle based youth ministry," and yet I am concerned with the "principle" this reward system communicates. I am writing this as a former full-time youth worker, current lead pastor, and also a volunteer youth worker in my own church. I've seen what happens when unsaved kids find out about such things, and I don't see how you can keep this a secret in the way you're going about it.

There is a better way.

So I humbly ask you to cease this motivation and simply paint a picture of what can happen on an eternal level if kids invite their friends to Jesus. That's the real principle you want to communicate, isn't it?

Because as much as you would like to think you can emphasize both, we cannot serve both God and manna... or in this case, God and hockey tickets.

I hope this comes across as a Christian to Christian, "iron sharpens iron" email. And this is more than a rant fired through an email - meaning, if you wish to talk about this further call me on my personal cell phone at 330-___-_____.

But as I said, I am absolutely not on board with that and stand against such a risk. People matter more than attendance, and their eternity is measured on a greater scale than free concessions. That is reality, and I dare you to promote that reward versus any other.

So if you continue to pursue this action please remove me from your e-mail list.

His,

Tony

What do you think? Did I strike an adequate balance of bold challenge with personal respect?

And likewise, where in your life do you have the opportunity to challenge something for the better and need to find a way to do so that tactfully pushes back for the right reasons?

(Maybe it's this very post... go ahead, I'm listening)

great nine-minute thoughts from others

If you follow this blog or are popping in, chances are you might appreciate these fresh ideas on leadership. Some great videos are available here for FREE to watch - 9 minutes each from a variety of down to earth people who have a great handle on some of the things I often post about on this blog.

Check it out: http://thenines.leadnet.org/

the myth of your potential

I'm glad for a friendship I formed a few years back with Brian Dowd, a personal and professional coach who heads up Next Step Leadership. In an article he wrote last year, he really nails the idea of "potential" and common myths that go along with it.

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An acorn is the picture of potential. A tiny acorn that isn't even the length of a paperclip can take root and, over a number of years, grow into an enormous oak tree. That tree is thousands of times larger than the size of the original acorn and produces countless more acorns.

As developing leaders, we may look at the giants around us, other leaders who are oak trees to our acorn. Like the acorn, we can acknowledge the potential that lies within and aspire to become that oak tree. Potential holds power.

Unfortunately, the reality of potential is often accompanied by three myths. These myths undo the possibility of reaching that potential.

Myth 1: Your potential will inevitably be reached.

There is no doubt that you have great potential. There is plenty of doubt that you will reach that potential.

It is likely that you have a grasp of your potential, an idea of what you can and want to be in the future. But between where you are now and reaching that potential has risks and obstacles in the way. These risks and obstacles derail the path to potential more often than leaders care to admit.

What is needed is a plan, perseverance and preparation for what is to come in order to reach your potential.

Myth 2: Your potential lies along your current path.

You have a number of different abilities and talents. What you are good at may not be where your potential genius is. Do you have a sense that you could be more, do more or have more? The difference between good, great and genius is remarkable. You have the potential to be a genius when you do your best stuff and that is the path towards your greatest potential. Does your current path point you towards genius? If not, you're potential points elsewhere.

Myth 3: Your potential exists independently of other people.

Leaders that operate at less than their potential do too much on their own. In order to operate as a genius, you will need others around you to complement you where you aren't a genius.

An author needs a publisher, an athlete needs an agent and every product needs promotion. You may be able to do it all yourself, but your potential is not in every aspect.

Refuse to be a jack of all trades so you can be a master where your potential lies. Wherever your potential lies, it will need the involvement of others to help you go the distance.

As a coach, I work with leaders on their way to be the future giants, the big oak trees. I'm working with several directors in a telecommunication company right now that expects to be twice as big in two years. These leaders have the potential to manage twice as much responsibility, but they see the need to develop that potential now, before they get behind the curve. Each of these directors have unique potential and I'm helping them on their unique path to get there by working on their Development Plans.

Your potential and path to get there is unique. The need to actively develop that potential is universal. Don't wait until the need is overbearing.

Potential needs to be developed, targeted and complemented with the involvement of others. You can be like a giant oak tree if you reach your potential.

My Next Step:

1. What is something you can do to develop your potential this week?

2. What do you do that is great with the potential to be genius? How can you align your efforts more in that direction?

3. Who does or can help further your efforts towards reaching your potential?