when your i.q. replaces your q's

Have you ever noticed how easy it is for us as people to live our lives amazed at our own brilliance, never letting anyone speak truth and hard love into us?  Rather than asking new questions that might reverse old conclusions, some people live in the comfort that they can't possibly be wrong.

This honestly breaks my heart... for a teachable spirit is more useful in life than an arrogant one. It creates bridges instead of fences; it invites wisdom versus arrogance.

Of course, the second I think I have this right in my own life means I've crossed that very line.

Quite the intriguing tension.

On which side will you tend to live?

Some truths will be learned by foresight and revelation; some truths will be learned by hindsight and tribulation. Most of the time, you choose the path... but it requires humility and a teachable spirit versus arrogance and a sense that you're wiser than everyone else.

Which will you typically run with?

a reality check regarding young men and their impact on young women

Here is piece of an interview from Relevant Magazine.with Mark Driscoll, pastor of Mars Hill church in Seattle. Take note of this particular gut-wrenching slice regarding young men in our culture and the way their auto-pilot lives impact young women:

You’ve talked a lot about twentysomethings today living in a sort of extended adolescence. Why do you think that is?

I think, in particular, it’s young men. Perhaps to some degree it is young women as well, but we’re finding more women are getting better grades, more women are graduating high school, more women are graduating college, more women are buying homes, more women are doing things that are more adult and responsible. We’ve created this. It’s a sociological category. It used to be you go from “boy” to “man,” and now you go from “boy” to “guy” to “man.” There is this whole new creation of a “guy.”

It’s just extended adolescence, where 20s, 30s, sometimes even in his 40s, he doesn’t really want to get married, doesn’t really want to have kids, doesn’t really want to pursue a career. He has a lot of hobbies, got a lot of buddies, watches a lot of porn, gambles, has a lot of fun, maybe plays in some band or is in a guild of World of Warcraft, or something ridiculous like that. And they’ve even got little [mottos] like, “It’s all good” and, “Bros before hos.” It’s just this whole adolescent, juvenile culture. Kind of the Adam Sandler-esque view of life, and there is this whole genre of comedy movies built around these kind of inept, irresponsible, immature guys, and I think part of the problem is, as well, that the Church in large part has accommodated that.

Those guys tend not to go to church. If those guys do show up at church, it’s usually just to find a couple of gals to break the commandments with. And the Church doesn’t really know what to do with them, so the least likely person in America to go to church is a guy in his 20s who is single. Without knowing what to do with those guys, they commit crimes, they get women pregnant, they’re a drain on social services, they don’t raise their kids, they don’t contribute to church, they’re not getting ready to lead the next generation. I’d say it’s nothing short of a crisis, it’s a real problem.

What do you think has created this “guy” phenomenon?

Part of it is the unintended consequences of divorce. Forty percent of kids go to bed at night without a father. Not to be disparaging toward single moms, but if you’re a single mom and you’re working 60 hours a week, and you’ve got a boy, and he’s home all by himself with no parents and no dad, he’s just going to be hanging out with his buddies, feeding himself pizza rolls.

The number one consumer of online pornography is 12- to 17-year-old boys. What that means is he’s home eating junk food, drinking Monster energy drinks, downloading porn, masturbating and screwing around with his friends. That really doesn’t prepare you for responsible adulthood. That’s a really sad picture, especially if you’re a single gal hoping to get married someday. You’re like: “Seriously, that’s the candidate pool? You’ve got to be kidding me.” That’s why 41 percent of births right now are to unmarried women. A lot of women have decided: “I’m never going to find a guy who is actually dependable and responsible to have a life with. So I’ll just get a career and have a baby and just intentionally be a single mother because there are no guys worth spending life with.”

september 11: opinion versus compassion

"I am troubled by the fact that this coming Saturday, September 11, our focus will be turned from an event that altered the course of history to a publicity-driven clergyman in Gainesville, Florida, and a location two blocks from "Ground Zero" that may or may not become the site of a Muslim mosque... Sure, in both cases, they most likely have the right to do what they propose, but why...?" - H.B. London

Every one has an opinion about this, and I'm not writing this post to stir up more.

It's been argued that much of the ruin in this world has come about by religious people.  I wouldn't disagree. I'd also add that plenty of agnostics and atheists have left a bad mark in history as well.

Of course, that's limited logic.  After all, great advances in the world have come about through those who authentically walk with God.  Likewise, well meaning agnostics and atheists have contributed to the flow of His will as well without even believing in Him.

Is that really the issue or argument of this moment, though?

Cross rises from the rubble of World Trade Center

I am spending a few moments here to more remind us all of what it means to the 3 out of 10 Americans who personally know someone who died during the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001.

An empty chair around a dinner table.

A once real relationship with someone who is now a memory.

A medicine chest that hasn't been altered in nine years because "that's the way he/she left it."

A young child who is now nine years older and without his/her parent(s).

Perhaps we can keep talking about book burning or mosque building, but I'd argue the best thing we can do right now is to watch archived footage of that day, letting the chaos of that moment wreck us again.  And to not move on to quickly but to consider how ruined we would be if those around us were suddenly gone from such tragedy.  And as we are hypothetically hit by that, to then extend true compassion and prayers to those around us whose real tragedy we're ignoring with publicity-driven stories.

Then... and only then... after your heart has reengaged on this level... then let's enter into September 11th.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NF_khJV6a3E

Here's something I pieced together just days after that happened.  I hope it serves you in remembering what the real issue is.

becoming a connector

We all see dots in this world that seem disconnected.  It's because they are... inside of us, around us, and between us.

A "Connector" is someone who steps up to this opportunity.

Someone who takes the seemingly ordinary and helps people see the extraordinary in them... to help those who are asleep in their own indifference to wake up to a deeper reality than what they've perceived... to see the fingerprints of God in a world full of fig leaves that cover Him up.

The secret of being a "Connector" in life, home, family, friends, church: Letting God shift what is happening in you so you can shift the momentum of what’s happening around you through the abilities, skills, and attitude He's placed within you.

Want to to change everything around you in a moment?

Let God change everything in you in this moment.

and now, I must pray...

I've been busy as of late, within my relationship with God, my kids, my church, and finishing writing another book.  Needless to say, I've not written much here, so I want to reclaim this discipline.

And I want to start with a prayer:

Lord,

May I become surprised this week at the true character of who You are beyond my current understanding of You...

May my wife be blessed with strength and wisdom beyond her means to discern life as she concentrates so much energy in a day on the rest of us...


May Joshua be strong and courageous; may Daniel have faith in the lion's den, may Johanna know and overflow that you are gracious...

May my family now and forever love and serve You, Lord...

May Your church that I serve break through the barriers of doubt, sin, holding back from giving, and "me-centered living" that even solid Christians get tempted by... 

May my/our faithfulness become the stuff that people talk about in our area to the level that "church" as a word gets redefined... 

May You use my voice into the community through public channels and private conversations to stir up a renewed way of thinking... 

May every place I go be left not with the memory of me but the memory of what You told someone in that moment.


And may the miracles we occasionally hear about and read about become more frequent in our midst, from renewed marriages and households to the wild supernatural stuff that can't be explained.

In Jesus' Name and for His glory, Amen.

-- Praise: God, thank You that even now as I was writing out this prayer for my wife You spoke to her and moved her to come down and talk with me with the very wisdom I was writing out in that prayer request.  Just that alone affirms my faith in You to do so much more than what I ask or imagine.  You rock.

congregations gone wild

According to the New York Times, more and more pastors are suffering from burnout... from "congregations gone wild."

Intriguing title - and an even more intriguing article.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/08/opinion/08macdonald.html?_r=3&th&emc=th

self-revelation: the unique shape of the cross I carry

I've always known that I am a question asker... prodding people to consider things they are blind to or choose to be blind to.  Even within the realm of faith, I've had people push me away because the version of Christianity they settled for was much more comforting that the one prescribed in the Gospel.  I've also had people ask me things that have helped me realize my own blind spots... which has, in turn, helped me ask better questions instead of sit in the easy chair of my conclusions.

Today I realized the imagery of my role in this world - namely, that it is a strange thing to bear a cross shaped like a question mark (and yet that seems to be the one I bear).

Playing with this a bit...

• The hook is intended to help me reach higher than I currently am.  After all, if I'm not growing how can I help others see something I've not seen?
• The sideways planks remind me to help people up instead of beat them down. It's all about a journey of community... together.
• The little dot at the bottom is a mini-trampoline to give others the encouraging boost they may require to see how much bigger God is than they've labeled Him, which in turn helps them see their lives as much larger than the version they're living in.
• The foundation it's all on needs to be a stable one... otherwise even the best hook reaching and bouncing will simply cave in.

Hmm... now to put all of that into play again today.  And to potentially be shooed away yet again.

(By the way, this is no way implies I am trying to replace the actual cross, nor am I starting up a new movement or book deal.  I am merely playing around with what I see in my life and it seemed like an artist's rendering may have helped me get a better visual. So hit delete on any fundamental hate mail - thanks.)

the window when ministry really happens

Wondering where ministry "really" takes place?  Consider these thoughts in an article I wrote for Life In Student Ministry:

http://www.studentministry.org/the-window-when-ministry-really-happens-time-out/

poor placement

I saw this ad in the paper last week, and of course (being the smoothie guru I am) I was drawn to the picture of McDonald's new smoothies.  And yet as soon as my mouth started to drool, I found myself feeling cautious about them.  I wasn't sure why until my conscious mind caught what my subconscious mind had taken in... the headline about cancer.

Consider - in one thought, I was processing "McDonald's Smoothies" with "Cancer" at the same time.

Have you ever considered how the people or things you've surrounded yourself with can kill a real good thing you're trying to impact others with?

• It's that smell of the garbage can that kills the aroma of dinner.
• It's that mistake you made that overshadows the achievements you've recently accomplished.
• It's that friend on Facebook who hijacks your posts with sarcasm.
• It's that one leader in your midst who gives all other leaders a bad reputation.
• It's that person who used to be in your job and blew it, causing everyone to think you will, too.
• It's that pattern of recklessness that makes people laugh when you try to say something serious.

A question - what's the great idea in your life that is getting linked to "cancer" on some level?

Maybe it's time for some surgery.

discussing the hurdle of faith after high school

A number of people advocate that we shouldn't guide kids anything at all when it comes to their faith.  The theory is that when kids want to know they'll ask.  Until then we should keep our hands off.

Others, though, see this issue through the same lens as they do other things kids need to know about the world.  It's why they say, "Do your homework, even if it's a struggle" or "Let me teach you something about life you don't know even know to ask about."  By bringing it to the young person, he/she has a chance to dialogue about faith and its alternatives growing up versus not having this experience at all.

What's intriguing is that in both cases there comes a point in adulthood when an emerging adult needs to decide what they will do with what they have or haven't been offered from their parents and other adults.

I had a great chat with a number of great thinkers and question-askers recently about the hurdle of faith after high school. It was all apart of an online talk forum I hosted for Tim Schmoyer of Life In Student Ministry. It even tracked back to how we invest into kids all the way up to teenagers.

Some key thoughts from the show:

• Churches face a temptation to “throw a college” ministry at emerging adults. Perhaps because it’s easier to push large group environments that feel like candy versus mentoring that isn’t quite as glamorous and marketable.
• Emerging adults are finding community elsewhere – in drinking a beer or a fraternity/sorority. We need to ask “Why?” Is it because these environments are more appealing to “let them be where they are today?”
• Our trend as a church is to draw people to a maturity level they aren’t at. Do emerging adults struggle with this?
• We need to destroy the idea of a finish line that ends at high school and move it at least four years further. Even then, it’s not a true finish line but more of a point where we have helped shape an understand of what self-feeding Christianity looks like and how they can contribute into the state of the church (and it’s plans for ministry).
• Success is perhaps best defined in terms of identity – a young person finishing high school or college and knowing with conviction how they are a son or daughter of God.
• Some of the greatest stories of us doing this well almost always involve a person or two who checked in on emerging adults semi-regularly to remind them who they were and wanted to become.
• We need to see church as a family and not as a program.
• One idea: Start to paint a picture of this early on during elementary years – what it looks like to become an adult who is walking with Christ in a healthy way and turning around to invest into the next generation; utilizing “identity based” curriculum during the last two years of high school; helping the church know “who” has graduated and what is next for them so that they don’t become a statistic; and so on.

Check out the full audio here:
http://www.studentministry.org/the-hurdle-of-faith-after-high-school-podcast/

a word of wisdom for frustrated twenty-somebodies

Here's a great post by Adam McLane   Solid advice for twenty-somebodies feeling frustrated with the work force they can't seem to get into.

Or... can they?

http://adammclane.com/2010/07/07/jobs-and-millenials/

born on the fourth of july, fifty years later

You never know the amazing impact that can come out of your life... especially if you are a teenager with vision and happen to live in Ohio.

http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/happy-50th-birthday-stars-and-stripes/19537928

conan o'brien's spin on larry king

"Larry King’s retiring after hosting “Larry King Live” for 25 years. Personally, I think hosting anything longer than 7 months is overkill." - Conan O'Brien

Read more about Larry King's retirement here:
http://www.examiner.com/x-704-Pop-Media-Examiner~y2010m6d30-Larry-King-show-to-end-after-25-years-nearly-50000-interviews--Piers-Morgan-to-step-in

loving our neighbor as we love ourselves

You really learn a lot about a town and its people by cleaning its gas station and restaurant bathrooms.

Then again, you really learn a lot about yourself, too, and what it means to serve as Jesus served.

From the strangers we may never see but served today at the Waffle House and a whole line of gas stations, it's quite joyful and amazing to love your neighbor as you love yourself.

Or as one of my sons put it as we were scrubbing away in a gross restroom, "Dad, I'm not sure why, but I really feel good doing this kind of stuff. Like it just sort of makes sense."


Maybe because his quote tracks back another, "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet." - Jesus, John 13:14

dealing with critics

Pardon my crassness, but criticism sucks.

I mean that in the way you think I mean it, but I also mean that it can suck the life out you if you let it.

If you let it.

I've been reminded of this raising up my boys and trying to help them realize that another kid's thoughtless comment doesn't need to define their thoughts about themselves.  Then again, how many of us adults struggle with that very issue?  A wise man once said, "If your critics control you, you're defeated."

So here are a handful of thoughts on how to respond to the critics in your life:

• Decide in the moment who will ultimately be the loudest voice in your life.
  
  For me, this is God Himself.  There are so many promises to claim, but as Jesus Himself said, "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." (John 10:27)  This means that I spend time consider His promises to me, I remove the authority from the critic... because ultimately he/she only has as much as I give him/her.
  
  
• Respond... don't react.
  
  Too often we let the critic determine the timetable, be it from their egging on or immature actions.  Don't let their sense of urgency create one in you... rather, choose to respond at the right time.
  
  "A man's wisdom gives him patience;it is to his glory to overlook an offense." (Prov. 19:11)
  
  
• Be open, having a positive spirit. 
  
  There is tremendous gain when you confess your obvious short-comings, so affirm any valid concerns that are brought up and share (with a positive spirit) your own sense of self.  "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Provers 15:1)
  This doesn't mean you need to agree with the details of what is shared, but the spirit behind it.  For example, "I don't know if we see eye to eye on everything you're saying, but I do think we see eye to eye on why you're bringing it up.  Is this about your desire to see ________ succeed?"
  
  
• Take the initiative to reconcile.
  
  There is no need to turn a situational rift into relational murder.  Step up and into awkward moments so the "elephant in the room" that everyone is ignoring doesn't destroy you, then, and everyone around.
  
  That awkward first conversation?  Have it... and then move on to a slightly less awkward second conversation.  And then an even less awkward third conversation, and so on.
  
  Of course, there are times when a hard-hearted person had to be handed over to God for discipline.  But it's in our nature to jump to that step without putting in the hard work of loving someone who has persecuted us.  Isn't that what the Gospel is about? Isn't that what Jesus has modeled to us?

You may not be able to help being criticized.
What you can help is to not be controlled by it.

give and take

We all know that every healthy relationship is two-sided, but what we may not recognize are the ways we tend to make them unhealthy and one-sided. Some of us are great takers and awful givers, while others enjoy giving but become too prideful to receive the care others hope we take.  This can be true of every relational environment we're in, be it where we live, work, play, or volunteer.

Consider how in your life you may take part in the following attitudes and actions that may ultimately derail your connections from being a two-way street:

• Unhealthy "takers" tend to struggle with:

• "You represent a way for me to get ahead."
• "Unless you give me praise or a raise, I have no interest in sticking around."
• "Where's the clock? Because that determines how much effort I put forth and when." 
• "Is the spotlight on me?  Good... now let me do something good."
• "Good enough is good enough."
• "If I overlook something, someone else will sweep up after me."
• "I'm sure somebody will take care of that."
  
  

• Unhealthy "givers" tend to struggle with:

• "Do this for everyone else, except for me."
• "When are you going to realize what I did for you?"
• "You decide... whatever makes you happy."
• "How can you criticize me when you have no clue about all that I do around here?"
• "Well, I don't really have time to talk... but... okay."
• "Fine, I'll do it. Argh!"
• "I can't remember why I started doing this in the first place."

As you can imagine, all of this creates a disconnect in communication, emotional distance, unrealistic expectations, control issues, and a lack of true intimacy with those around us.

A glimpse at the first few chapters of the Bible remind us that we were created to give and take, from the food we take care of and eat to relationships where mutual sacrifice matters.  Aim for this balance in all things, knowing that there may be seasons of life where you need to do one more than another.

To be able to have it all, you gotta be able to give back.  To be able to give back, you need to be able to receive it all.

thinking on your feet

Consider this story about a college football team whose starting quarterback had just been injured. Their #2 quarterback was sick, so he hadn’t even dressed for the game. All the coach had left was a third-string freshman who had experience as a quarterback in high school but was used to being used as a punter on this team.

To make matters worse, the team was backed up on its own third-yard line. It was a desperate situation, and the coach’s only thought was somehow to get a little farther from their goal line to give them room to punt out of danger.

Sending in the third-string quarterback, the coach said, "Son, I want you to hand off to the big fullback Kowaski for the next two plays, letting him run right into the middle of the line to get us a few yards of breathing room. Then I want you to punt."

The young quarterback did as he was instructed. On the first play he handed off to Kowaski, but almost miraculously Kowaski found a hole off tackle and ran for 50 yards. The young quarterback called the same play again, and once more (miracle of miracles), the hole opened again and Kowaski gained another 45 yards. The fans went crazy. In two plays they had gone 95 yards and the ball was on their opponent’s 2-yard line. It was first down and goal to go!

Confidently the team lined up once again. The young quarterback received the snap, then stepped back to everyone’s amazement, and punted the ball into the end zone. As his stunned teammates came off the field, the coach angrily grabbed the young quarterback and demanded, "What in the world were you thinking about when you called that last play?" The quarterback answered, "I was thinking what a dumb coach we have."

----

Perhaps you find that story ridiculous, for indeed it is.  It's actually not as far-fetched as you may imagine, for many professional coaches today do not expect their quarterbacks to make decisions.

And yet I wonder... where in your week are you most tempted to be passive instead of active?  What are the areas of life that you don't intentionally engage the moment and merely go an auto-pilot?

Granted, there is something to be said about when we need to follow someone's instructions literally.  I've heard stories about soldiers whose lives were saved because when their commanding officer told them to "hit the deck" they ducked away from something they couldn't see (but their C.O. could).

The greater question, then, is are you able to not only follow instructions... but are you able to follow the POINT of those those instructions?

maximizing media in ministry

Someone recently complimented our church on the choices we make in a service to look at a core truth from a variety of angles.  She picked up on the massive forethought that goes into these decisions, as it is something I spend time on.  However, that wasn't always natural nor easy for me... especially since it's so easy to depend on the medium versus the Message.

Recently I shared about this in an article I wrote for Youthworker Journal.  If you're in a position like I am, may my hindsight help create some foresight for you.

http://www.youthworker.com/digital/issue/2010/may/pageflip.aspx

See page 34-35

an insider's knowledge of facebook

Sometimes it helps to know the back story.


[Source: Online PhD Programs for MashableMashable.com]

word to your mother

Have you ever heard of the woman who hated Mother’s Day? 

According to the Toronto Star, there was such a woman.. and she started it all. If you think the spirit of Mother’s Day has been spoiled by the commercialism of cards, flowers and once-a-year sincerity, you stand united with the woman credited with giving us the annual event.

Anna Jarvis, a West Virginian woman, was so horrified by what the holiday she helped create in 1914 turned into that she spent most of her later years campaigning to have the second Sunday in May removed from the calendar as the day to honor your mother.

In the end, Jarvis lost the fight. The woman, who was never a mother herself, exhausted her financial resources and ruined her mental health in that fight. She died alone in 1948 in an asylum at the age of 84. Just before her death Jarvis told a local reporter: "I devoted my entire life to Mother’s Day and the racketeers and grafters have taken it over."

In 1914, Jarvis spearheaded a campaign to help persuade U.S. president Woodrow Wilson to set aside May’s second Sunday as a national day for recognition. She orchestrated a letter-writing campaign to him, lobbied influential politicians and clergymen, and distributed brochures arguing about the importance of a national day for mothers.

Jarvis’ cause came from admiration for her recently deceased mother, Anna Maria, and others like her who had been an inspiration. But by the early 1920s, she was sickened by the commercial circus she had helped create. She felt the day had nothing to do with celebrating the real achievements of women.

Jarvis spent her latter days crashing floral company conventions to protest and urging card companies to give the money they made from Mother’s Day to the poor. At one Mother’s Day convention where flowers were being sold she was arrested for disturbing the peace. She even launched a lawsuit to stop a Mother’s Day festival from being held.

This only drives home the point that the things we start up may become something we never intended them to be.  From casual conversations we begin that soon become negative gossip sessions to baby steps into temptation that creates a noose around our neck, consider the impact of that next thing you're pushing for.

unfortunately, this is true

Leadership magazine cites how a man named Mark Russel spent a year interviewing people in his community who no longer attend or take part in a church.  He writes:

Most people left church not because they had a deep theological problem with something like the virgin birth or the resurrection of Christ.

They left because people in the church have the tendency to be small and mean and couldn’t deal honestly with their own sins or the sin of others. As one man put it, 'People in the church were more invested in the process of being right than in the process of being honest.'

Ouch.

Unfortunately, this is true.

And I'd like to do something about it.

Starting in me.

I'm going to try an experiment this week of speaking the truth in love, more than I think I already might.   Meaning, I won't be trying to water down awkward moments but will simply go for it.  And I will be asking others to speak some of that my way as well - including you.

It reminds me of something my wife once said.  When she was a camp counselor, the head of the camp told his staff that if they ever wanted to hear an honest summary of what he saw in them... potential as well as stuff they needed to work on, they could set up an appointment and have that conversation.

Not too many people took him up on it.

So let me know if you want to be a part of that experiment... or if we should avoid each other for the next week and pretend like we're being honest.